The movies of 2022.

The gap between movies I saw in a theater and movies I saw on streaming was close: 28-23 in favor of theaters. They ain’t dead yet, bitches! Anyway...

My favorite movies of 2022:

10. Emergency - Like some beautiful, freakish hybrid of After Hours and House Party, this socially conscious dramedy balances nerve-wracking tension with solid character beats.

9. The Bad Guys - Animated caper comedy from Dreamworks is just plain fun with an offbeat sense of humor.

8. Scream 5 - Much more brutal than the previous Scream movies, but just as effective in its handling of suspense and knowing movie references.

7. Prey - A very clever prequel to the Predator movies, with exciting action, great atmosphere and a strong performance from Amber Midthunder.

6. Black Panther: Wakanda Forever - Making a worthy sequel - and without the original's leading man - is a tall order, but Ryan Coogler met the challenge and succeeded impressively.

5. Glass Onion: A Knives Out Mystery - Making a worthy sequel - with even more direct social commentary - is quite the endeavor, but Rian Johnson, aided by a fine cast and terrific art direction, created another gem.

4. The Black Phone - Wonderfully intense thriller benefits from its fascinating evocation of the late 1970s and a rare villain turn from Ethan Hawke.

3. Puss in Boots: The Last Wish - Exciting action, strong emotional beats and unpredictable animation make this the best film of the Shrek franchise.

2. Everything Everywhere All at Once - One of the most vibrant, original and engaging movies of the year, with talented actors tearing it up across a number of universes.

1. Turning Red - From its character dynamics to its Candy-colored settings, this is another winner from Pixar.

Runners-up:

Ambulance

Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness

Guillermo Del Toro's Pinocchio

Kimi

The Menu

Nope

Strange World

Violent Night

Wendell & Wild

The Woman King

Underrated:

The Gray Man, Hocus Pocus 2 (yes, I’m serious) and Honk for Jesus. Save Your Soul.

Overrated:

The Banshees of Inisherin, Barbarian and The Batman

Gonna do something a little different here. With regards to my opening line, let's play a game called:

Streaming exclusives that should've been released in theaters:

Kimi, Prey, Turning Red, Wendell & Wild

And, in the interest of fairness...

Theatrical movies that should've been relegated to streaming:

Morbius, The 355

My favorite things in movies - 2022:

Daniel Roebuck in The Munsters

the death montage in Puss in Boots: the Last Wish

The first act of Barbarian

The flashback in Nope

The improvised surgery in Ambulance

Leah Brady deals with a couple of filthy animals in Violent Night

The motorcycle chase in Jurassic World: Dominion

The office fight in Everything Everywhere All at Once

The puzzle box montage and Rick Heinrichs' production design in Glass Onion: a Knives Out Mystery

The scenes between Jon Hamm and John Slattery in Confess, Fletch

The training montage of The Black Phone

Tyler's bullshit in The Menu

Random thoughts:

- Saoirse Ronan is a good actress, but between how much her character annoyed me in the trailer for See How They Run and the utterly chokeable witch that was Lady Bird (seriously, this was a fucking Best Picture nominee?!), maybe it's best I avoid her stuff for a couple of years or so.

- The rom-com I Want You Back received a hypothetical script doctoring at The Avocado. I’m still amazed that this was even produced. What am I talking about? Peep this: These two people have both just gone through break-ups and their exes have already moved on to new relationships. Instead of the two of them moving on, and, you know, being mature about this, they decide to wreck their exes’ new relationships - thus ruining four innocent lives - because “they belong with me”. Okay, first question: why would I root for these assholes? Second question: no, seriously, why? Follow-up question: are you out of your goddamn mind?

- Not Okay was about a young woman who faked a trip to France, but the country actually gets invaded, forcing her to keep up the charade. 20th Century Studios likely figured that there would never be a good time to release this, so they figured "Let's just throw it out there. We'll weather the storm." Someone at the Disqus board didn't get it, so I was forced to explain myself: 'Read the plot summary again, only substitute Paris with the Ukraine.'. He still didn't get it. I know COVID eats away at the brain cells, but those germs must've thought it was goddamn Thanksgiving when he caught it.

- Pete Davidson (BTW, love the tweet theorizing that he is what Beetlejuice looked like when he was alive) had a cameo in I Want You Back, but he's the co-lead of another streaming rom-com: Meet Cute. You think I Want You Back had a messed-up premise? You ain’t heard nothing yet! Dig it: a young woman meets this guy and she feels like he’s a perfect match for her, but there are some things about him that she would like to change, so - accessing a time traveling tanning bed (Lord, I wish I was kidding) - she decides to go back and change some things about the guy to make him an acceptable mate for her. In what freaking universe is this not a horror movie? Bright side…well, as bright a side as you can have with a company that takes premises like this and makes them into movies: there’s no way I can’t get in, right?

- Really, Tim Allen? You couldn't fight your own battles about not getting to voice the title character in Lightyear, so you had to get your friends Patricia Heaton (who, I'm convinced, really - or seems to think she - is Frankie Heck) and Tom Hanks (like he wasn't having a hard enough year with his goofy accents in Pinocchio and Elvis?!) to step in? Shameful.

- The year in PG-13 f-bombs: Don't Worry, Darling, Glass Onion: A Knives Out Mystery and Morbius. Pretty slim pickings. I hope this trope isn't dying out.

- Amsterdam or Babylon? Haven't seen either and I'm still not completely convinced that they aren't the same movie. Named after places, star-studded casts, writer/directors getting super indulgent, period piece settings, Margot Robbie...why wouldn't I get them confused?

- Weirder writing credit: Dana Stevens (City of Angels) on The Woman King (from a story by Maria Bello!) or Bill Collage (Accepted) on Emancipation?

- Speaking of Emancipation, much like John Wayne making McQ after (foolishly?) turning down Dirty Harry, so too did Will Smith embark on this after (infamously) turning down Django Unchained. The film was even shot by the same cinematographer, Robert Richardson, which is just a silly coincidence, I'm sure.

- When saying the title The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent, it is damn near impossible not to slip into Calculon from "Futurama".

- Oh, right, Chip and Dale Rescue Rangers was a thing. A thing that got tons of positive reviews and a freaking Emmy. I'm still nauseous about this. Why? Just take a gander: https://noteimperfect.blogspot.com/2022/10/random-thoughts-chip-and-dale-rescue.html

- Onto better Disney pastures, Strange World - despite the unoriginal character beats (someone on Twitter pointed out that these latest Disney movies have replaced twist villains with intergenerational conflict and it's hard not to agree) - was an entertaining adventure movie. And, unlike a lot of the studio's 'first gay characters' of the last few years, good on them for not pussying out (so to speak) in terms of Ethan, though this may have contributed to the film's (undeserved) financial failure.