Mr. Cellophane

In a location adjacent to a place in a city of some significance, what comes out of my head is plastered on the walls of this blog.

Wednesday, December 07, 2016

"We're bad guys. It's what we do."

Suicide Squad. Long story short, the fascinating cast of characters helped to paper over its many, many, many flaws.

A long time ago (and now, in a way), I fancied myself a pretty decent editor. If I had high-end editing software and the exact know-how, I'd get to work on a fanedit. Wouldn't magically turn it into a masterpiece, but it would make the film more digestible.

Maybe, reshuffle some scenes, delete the superfluous introductions and (even more superfluous) soundtrack choices and (first and foremost) replace the anonymous score by Steven Price. It's, so far, the best underscore of any movie in the DCEU...and I still couldn't hum a note at gunpoint.

What would I replace the score with? Found music by Elliot Goldenthal. Sure, the obvious reason being that his music has a way of putting a silver lining on a DC Comics mess, but the main reason is because of this cue:

Extended from the opening cue on the official score album, listening to this just flipped a switch in me. How cool would it be to create a movie out of whole cloth and put an awesome soundtrack under it, to boot?

Yeah. This is definitely on my to-do list for 2017...or, maybe, 2018.

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Sunday, December 04, 2016

I would much rather be dead than old.

Saturday, December 03, 2016

On Deadly Ground (Basil Poledouris)

Forrest Taft (Steven Seagal) has made a good living for Aegis Oil, but a vision quest makes him realize that he's helping to destroy the environment. The only way to make things right (apparently) is with an act of eco-terrorism. Another Seagal bonecruncher, but with the pretense of saving the Earth. Ridiculous, but entertaining. If nothing else, the overqualified supporting cast of villains (Michael Caine, John C. McGinley, R. Lee Ermey, Billy Bob Thornton, Mike Starr) makes it watchable.

Basil Poledouris's score is an evocative work, with a surging main theme, Inuit throat singing and some exciting action cues.

On Deadly Ground
composed & conducted
Basil Poledouris

1. Main Titles/Rig on Fire 3.48
2. Aegis Flameout 0.47
3. What Did He Say? 0.55
4. Not Worth It 0.18
5. "What does it take...?" 0.54
6. Aegis Oil Commercial 0.47
7. Get Rid of Problems/Checking the Preventers/Torturing Hugh 7.45
8. Minor Oil Spill/Forrest Figures it Out 2.10
9. Forrest Fired 1.04
10. The Rescue 1.31
11. Bear Among Mice/The Search 3.07
12. The Journey 8.06
13. Chief Killed/Forrest Returns 4.54
14. Into the Woods 1.51
15. Storming Hugh's Place 1.31
16. Preferably Dead 0.19
17. Forrest Decides 2.16
18. Preparing for War 1.16
19. Explosive Surprise 1.22
20. Get Out of Here 1.33
21. Springing Traps 0.22
22. Horse Chase 1.40
23. The Silencer 1.27
24. Wasting Mercenaries 2.10
25. Special Number 0.24
26. More Casualties 4.44
27. Elevator Trap 1.30
28. Stone Cold 1.23
29. Jennings Goes Down 5.46
30. The Warning/End Credits 6.24
31. Seagal-Nasso Logo 0.11


Sunday, November 27, 2016

No job. No money. No friends. No satisfaction with life. No prospects. No chance to show off my writing skills to people without paying through the nose with money I'm likely to never have.

If the universe thinks that I need to put up with this shit, I've got the worst motherfucking news imaginable for the universe.

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Thursday, November 24, 2016

This Thanksgiving, I'm not sure what I have to be thankful for...and yes, that does come from a somewhat material place: I barely have a job, I don't quite have the money to keep going and I'm still waiting to hear back from the many people I've applied with in the last several weeks.

I have health, a place to live and a working internet connection, so things aren't all bad...but they're not all good, either.


Wednesday, November 16, 2016

Welp, I'm bored. I can't think of any YouTube videos to post to fill up space, so I'm just gonna do something a little different.

I tried my hand at copywriting and e-mailed a whole bunch of companies, but, like everyone whom I've asked for a job in the last year, they've decided to pretend I don't exist. I doubt a single person there has ever (or will ever) know how cruel and offensive that is.

Here's a sample of the newsletter I wanted to send if they asked, tszujed up from my earlier post about the fair:

What I Should’ve Done On My Summer Vacation

It’s hard to believe that summer is long gone. It feels like only yesterday we were standing in our backyards, watching fireworks popping in the night sky. Next thing you know, we need to set our clocks back an hour and put up Christmas decorations. Sometimes - and I don’t think I’m alone here - I find myself wishing I was younger, or at least, young enough to truly absorb how wonderful new experiences can be. For example, I went to the fair for the first time ever this year. Even with the constant walking, the punishing heat and the feeling of not really knowing where you’re trying to get to, going to the fair is something that everyone should try to do at least once a summer. (Going to a drive-in theater should also be a summer ritual, or, at the very least, attending a venue that allows you to see a movie outdoors. Not every town has a drive-in theater, which is a shame.)

I really think that the sense of community and excitement of going to a fair just can’t be beat. Even if you’re somehow not in a socializing mood, just being among so many different people is an amazing feeling. When you find yourself waiting in line for something, it’s almost impossible not to strike up a conversation with someone.

Fine Dining at the Fair

For example, waiting in line for something to eat. Now, I know we like to delude ourselves into thinking, ‘I really ought to be eating healthier’. Still, in situations like this, it just can’t be helped. Personally, eating something ridiculously unhealthy was the principal reason I went to the fair. (Call it a side effect of too many episodes of “Food Paradise”.) Before I went, I had heard about a number of intriguingly fattening food items that the fair had to offer. Unfortunately, I was light on time and money, so I decided to follow an old piece of advice: ‘Keep it Simple, Stupid’.

I stumbled upon a simple concession stand that specialized in deep-fried foods. One of the items on the menu was deep-fried bacon cheddar mashed potatoes. They taste pretty good in their regular form, so logically, they were sure to be twice as good in deep-fried form. Unfortunately, it was hot, in that just-got-out-of-the-fryer way so, for a while, I had to amuse myself with the drippings on the side of the ball, dipping them in the ranch dressing that came with the entree. Once it was cool enough, it was very delicious; a little crumbly, but tasty, especially with the ranch. Of course, I had to wash it down with soda. There’s nothing like a cold soda on a hot day.

The Main Attractions

Surprisingly, there were other things to do at the fair besides eat. The fair also offered the kind of sights that could haunt someone’s nightmares. I’m sure that a person who doesn’t scare easily would be interested in seeing a half-snake, half girl and a 29-inch woman, but I’m not made of such strong stuff.

Now, everyone likes animals, I’m sure, and there was no shortage of them at the fair. People were walking cows around, which got me to check my shoes for any presents (my shoes were clean, thankfully). I passed through a barn that had creatures with feathers (geese, chickens, peacocks) and fur (bunnies, guinea pigs). As I saw them in their tiny cages being poked and petted despite the signs telling people not to, I couldn’t help but feel sorry for them. They probably wanted to spend the day relaxing and getting something to eat, not being stuck in a cage.

There were attractions that set out to do what the good ones ought to - thrill and amaze. One featured a guy with a giant wheel doing stunts which involved a lucky volunteer. Another featured a guy dubbed ‘The Wizard of Wood’, which meant carving sculptures out of hunks of wood. At the time, he was putting the finishing touches on a buffalo.

There is so much to see and do at the fair and, as overwhelming as it can be, I maintain that it’s something that everyone should experience at least once a summer.

Not bad, right? I may have a gift for this writing thing, after all.


Wednesday, November 09, 2016

This shit is why I fucking hate politics.

Best case scenario, we get a "Designated Survivor"/King Ralph-type of situation going, at some point.

On a planet of six billion, I know I'm not the only one to have entertained this theory.

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