Mr. Cellophane

In a location adjacent to a place in a city of some significance, what comes out of my head is plastered on the walls of this blog.

Thursday, March 26, 2015


One of those things I have an awareness of if not intimate knowledge, "SCTV" aired in the 70s and 80s and gave rise to a number of talents.

Perhaps my favorite aspect of this "Patty Duke Show" parody of theirs is the refrain; the insistent guitar twang that follows "'Cause they're (insert occupation here)!" always makes me laugh.

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Friday, March 20, 2015

Undercover Blues (David Newman)



Married spies Jeff (Dennis Quaid) and Jane (Kathleen Turner) just want to vacation in New Orleans with their baby girl. Unfortunately, all manner of ne'er-do-wells refuse to give a moment's peace. Decently entertaining action-comedy gets most of its juice from the bantering of its engaging leads, but ultimately, it's Stanley Tucci who steals the film as the vicious-yet-hapless assassin, Muerte.

There are still many David Newman scores that have yet to see official release and this is top of the list for me. Truly a flavorful score, from its whistled main theme to the clever orchestrations (some Spanish guitar here, a typewriter there).

Undercover Blues
composed and conducted
by
David Newman

1. Main Titles 1.23
2. Walking with the Newmans 0.32
3. "My name is Muerte!" 0.07
4. Stroller vs. Knife 0.35
5. Curious Hobo 0.13
6. "It's a bad world." 0.39
7. A Fair Fight 0.35
8. An Intruder? 1.04
9. C-22 0.58
10. Chopper to Novachek 0.34
11. Foster's Home 0.25
12. Off the Chain 0.42
13. Candid Camera 1.57
14. Muerte Returns 0.55
15. The Next Table 0.09
16. No Sudden Moves 0.26
17. Food Fight 0.40
18. Making Out 0.56
19. Pillow Talk 0.33
20. A Cold One 0.11
21. Tired? Very. 0.51
22. Another Visitor 0.25
23. Buried Treasure 0.30
24. Toy Alligator 0.23
25. The Specialist 0.37
26. Jane's Probe 0.52
27. Extraction 0.10
28. "He's empty." 0.27
29. At the Zoo 0.10
30. Alligator Pit 1.00
31. Rope of Clothes 0.50
32. Dress-up 0.24
33. The Pick-up 1.21
34. Muerte Hangs Out 0.36
35. "I love you very much." 0.58
36. Jeff Sneaks Out 0.24
37. "Follow that cab!" 0.24
38. Louise Walks 0.59
39. The Tracker 0.40
40. Confronting Jane 1.22
41. On the Docks 0.28
42. "Good morning, Mr. Blue." 0.27
43. Catching Up 0.54
44. "You know what to do." 0.59
45. Escape and Gunplay/Mud Fight 5.15
46. Coup de Gras 0.07
47. Last Flight 0.20
48. Setting Sail 0.43
49. Muerte Overboard 0.07
50. End Credits 2.51

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Saturday, March 14, 2015

I'm in the process of transferring my current screenplay to my laptop, as the internet on my old computer has crapped out and I've got a couple of contests to try and win.

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Sunday, March 08, 2015

Watching "Once Upon a Time" (don't laugh). Snow and Charming were flung into the air, unable to ask a special tree a question. The reason it didn't answer them is because she is with child.

I know the child turns out fine, but was this not hashed out in the story conference?!

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Wednesday, March 04, 2015

Thanks to a tweet from Jaime Weinman, I stumbled upon this promo reel for ABC in 1982.



A few things:

  • I'm pretty sure that that's Chuck Connors at 0:55. 
  • Sheriff Teasle and Col. Trautman in cheesy, short-lived sitcoms...must've been super-jarring to a post-First Blood audience (they sure as hell were to me). 
  • I'm pretty sure they hadn't yet shot Ron Glass's scenes for "The New Odd Couple" at the time this was edited.
  • Did they really think that viewers wouldn't have recognized that clip from The Howling in "Ripley's Believe It or Not"?
  • I would totally watch "Matt Houston".

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Thursday, February 26, 2015

Back when I was in community college, my father persuaded me to take night courses about (I believe) counseling in hopes that I'd follow in his footsteps (thankfully, that hasn't come to pass).

This was back in the 'taking the bus' days, so I walked up the street to wait by the bus stop in front of the library. Near that stop was a van that routinely provided meals for the homeless. I don't know if the people running the van knew, cared, or could tell that I wasn't homeless, but I managed to score a free meal 'most every time.

Maybe, they made more than enough food to meet demand, but, only recently (while visiting that same library) did I feel some remorse about what I did. Was I stealing a meal from someone who needed it far more? Most likely. This, in a nutshell, is my life: trying to be a good person and yet doing things that seem harmless on the surface, but can be downright hurtful in the long run.

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Monday, February 23, 2015

8:32 "Tonight, we honor Hollywood's best and whitest-- brightest!"

8:33 Anna Kendrick joins NPH in honoring Hollywood.

8:34 Okay, I'm nominating Jack Black for next year's Oscar host.

8:36 Neat song. It was written by the Lopezes (Frozen).

8:38 Lupita Nyong'o presents Best Supporting Actor. The Oscar goes to...J.K. Simmons (1/24). Gave a very nice speech. I should listen to my parents more.

8:45 NPH's Oscar predictions are under guard by Octavia Spencer. Hey, it's not a pizza party, right?

8:46 Liam Neeson introduces Best Picture nominees The Grand Budapest Hotel and American Sniper.

8:49 Dakota Johnson (let's focus on the third-generation thing, not the 50 Shades thing) introduces Adam Levine performing "Lost Stars" from Begin Again.

8:52 Okay, seriously, is that Lady Gaga?

8:56 Jennifer Lopez and Chris Pine present Best Costume Design. The Oscar goes to...Milena Canonero for The Grand Budapest Hotel (2/24). Almost had a win in each decade; shame about the 90s.

9:00 "So delicious, you could eat her up with her spoon." I think it's worse that I got it than if I hadn't. Reese Witherspoon presents Best Make-Up. The Oscar goes to...The Grand Budapest Hotel. Okay, was the Guardians of the Galaxy make-up not impressive enough? Look at what they did to Zoe Saldana, Dave Bautista, Karen Gillan and Michael Rooker. Unbelievable.

9:03 Channing Tatum tells us of budding filmmakers who will get to present Oscars tonight.

9:08 Nicole Kidman and Chiwetel Ejiofor...okay, how tall is she? Oh, yeah. Presenting Best Foreign Language Film. The Oscar goes to...Ida (3/24). Huh. Go figure. Man, he's really going. He might only get the one shot. Can't blame him for taking advantage.

9:13 Shirley MacLaine with Best Picture nominees Boyhood, The Theory of Everything and Birdman.

9:17 Marion Cotillard introduces Tegan and Sara and the Lonely Island performing "Everything is Awesome" from The Lego Movie...and, hey, "Darkness (Untitled Self-Portrait)" made it to the Oscars, after all.

9:24 Kerry Washington and Jason Bateman present Best Live Action Short Subject. The Oscar goes to..."The Phone Call".

9:28 Continuing with Best Documentary Short Subject. The Oscar goes to..."Crisis Hotline: Veterans Press 1" (4/24).

9:31 Just think: if Viola Davis had won for The Help, she likely wouldn't be on "How to Get Away with Murder". Anyway, she's telling of the many Lifetime Achievement Awards.

9:33 According to Twitter, that really was Will Arnett in the Lego Batman suit. Holy crapballs.

9:35 Gwyneth Paltrow introduces Tim McGraw singing "I'm Not Gonna Miss You" from Glen Campbell: I'll Be Me.

9:42 Okay, where's Neil? Locked out of his dressing room? Come on. Nothing suits him like a suit...oh, I get it. Birdman reference...crossed with some Whiplash.

9:43 Harley Quinn and Mr. Fantastic regale us with the Scientific and Technical Awards ceremony.

9:45 Sienna Miller and Chris Evans present the Sound Mixing award. The Oscar goes to...Whiplash.

9:48 Sound Editing award next. The Oscar goes to...American Sniper.

9:51 Jared Leto presenting Best Supporting Actress. The Oscar goes to...Patricia Arquette for Boyhood (5/24). Nice of her to give Emma Stone a hug. Fun fact: at the beginning of her career, Stone shared a scene with Arquette on "Medium". Blew my mind when I found out the other day...and now, she's going full-on Sarandon. It's her moment. Let the rest of the net rip on her.

9:59 Gotta love Robert Duvall wanting no part of NPH's security nonsense.

10:00 Josh Hutcherson introduces Rita Ora performing "Grateful" from Beyond the Lights, apparently one of the best movies of last year that no one saw.

10:03 Ansel Elgort and Chloe Grace Moretz (Tommy and Carrie in the Carrie remake!) present Best Visual Effects. The Oscar goes to...Interstellar. Oh, bullshit.

10:06 Kevin Hart and Anna Kendrick present Best Animated Short Film. The Oscar goes to..."Feast" (6/24).

10:09 Zoe Saldana and Dwayne Johnson present best Animated Feature. The Oscar goes to...Big Hero 6. Loved the film, but was so hoping for a Laika triumph.

10:17 "Presenting the President...of the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences." Ha.

10:20 Chris Pratt and Felicity Jones present Best Production Design. The Oscar goes to...The Grand Budapest Hotel (7/24).

10:23 Idris Elba and Jessica Chastain present Best Cinematography. The Oscar goes to...Emmanuel Lubezki for Birdman (8/24).

10:30 Meryl Streep introduces the Obituary montage.

10:35 Jennifer Hudson sings a tribute.

10:42 Naomi Watts and Benedict Cumberbatch present Best Editing. The Oscar goes to...Tom Cross for Whiplash.

10:46 Terrence Howard with the last three Best Picture nominees: Whiplash, The Imitation Game and Selma.

10:49 Jennifer Aniston and David Oyelowo present Best Documentary Feature. The Oscar goes to...CitizenFour.

10:58 Octavia Spencer's not watching NPH's nominations. Oh, wait. She's introducing Common and John Legend performing Selma's "Glory".

11:04 Idina Menzel getting some payback on John Travolta and presenting Best Original Song. The Oscar goes to..."Glory" from Selma. Didn't see that coming.

11:12 Scarlett Johansson introducing a tribute to The Sound of Music...and Lady Gaga (seriously?!) performing a medley of its songs.

11:20 OMG. It's Julie Andrews...and she's here to present Best Original Score (about damn time!). The Oscar goes to...Alexandre Desplat's The Grand Budapest Hotel (9/24). Fuck yeah!

11:29 Eddie Murphy presents Best Original Screenplay. The Oscar goes to...Birdman. Hmmm.

11:33 Oprah Winfrey presents Best Adapted Screenplay. The Oscar goes to...The Imitation Game. Hmmm, again. I'm totally taken aback here...and Graham Moore's an American?! Whosa-jigga-what? Okay, got a little heavy just then. (I'm presuming he's gay. Speaking of gay Oscar-winning scribes, whatever became of Dustin Lance Black? After a marvelous script for Milk, he did J. Edgar, then nothing. So weird.)

11:41 "Benedict Cumberbatch" takes the stage, presenting Best Director. The Oscar goes to...Alejandro Gonzales Innarritu for Birdman.

11:48 Oh, boy. Cate Blanchett with Best Actor. The Oscar goes to...Eddie Redmayne for The Theory of Everything. Fucking bullshit!

11:53 I'll bring myself to care about the rest of the show, but don't hold your breath. Matthew McConaughey presents Best Actress. The Oscar goes to...Julianne Moore. (10/24). Freaking finally.

12:00 NPH's Oscar predictions are unleashed. Pretty dead-on.

12:03 Presenting Best Picture is Sean Penn. (For the record, I thought his joke was funny.) The Oscar goes to...Birdman. Whoa.

Well, another Oscar ceremony down. Feeling a little chilly, so I'm hitting the sack. I'll fix any mistakes in the morning. Night, y'all.

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