Mr. Cellophane

In a location adjacent to a place in a city of some significance, what comes out of my head is plastered on the walls of this blog.

Friday, December 30, 2005


Went driving for the first time in about eight or nine months. Sure, it was a little nerve-wracking, but it was also kind of fun. I really ought to drive on my own, sometime.

Saw a couple of trailers this morning online. One of them was for a horror movie called Tamara. It's about an unpopular girl who gets killed in a nasty prank. She comes back to life as a dangerous beauty. Pity it's not going to theaters. It is, however, hitting DVD on January 31st. I am so renting it.

The other was for this flick succinctly titled Date Movie. As the trailer touts, it comes from 'two of the six writers of Scary Movie'. This film, ostensibly about a girl (Alyson Hannigan) looking for a great guy, features takeoffs of Meet the Parents, Hitch, The Wedding Planner, Meet the Fockers and Napoleon Dynamite, among others. I'm kind of an easy laugh for these silly parodies (Scary Movie 1 and 3; 2 was runny shit, Not Another Teen Movie), so I'll be checking it out.

Weirdly enough, these resemble two ideas I've thrown around from time to time. I believe the first has a shot at coming to fruition, so let me instead bend your ears about the second. It was a take-off of all those Adam Sandler flicks (mainly the earlier ones) where he played a goofball that, somehow, managed to defeat the villain, save the day and get the girl (in spite of his ineptitude). The formula (which is hardly new, I'm aware) ended up applied to the likes of David Spade, Tom Green and Chris Kattan, which is what inspired the idea. Hopefully, Date Movie will include a shot at those movies. Lord knows they have it coming.

Monday, December 26, 2005


As we all know, today is Christmas. The title of today's post is not only one of my gifts, but also a really cool reference to "Home Movies". Watched "Kronk's New Groove" on it. Picture clear as a bell. I can't imagine how I lived without one before.

Not sure what else to say except, well, "may the forces of unpleasantness get confused on the way to your house" (expression mangled from George Carlin).

Friday, December 16, 2005

What the hell are you starin' at?!

You know something? I've really got to stop thinking about "Duckman". Why? It's a fine, Emmy-nominated, razor-sharp piece of animated goodness. Why would I want to stop thinking about it? Simple. The more I think about it, the more pissed-off I become that it's not on DVD.

I know I have no say in that; that's entirely Paramount's call...but still, the opportunity to have the show available in my steadily growing DVD collection would make for a superb Christmas present (people can settle for the bootleg set that pops up on eBay, but I like to think that true fans would refrain from dirtying their hands on such a thing).

Besides, wouldn't you want such gems of dialogue preserved forever on an official multi-disc set:

Cornfed: Once again, the U.S. is spending millions to oust a puppet they spent millions to get into office. They'll spend more millions on the coverup to hide having spent those millions and even more millions to discredit members of the media who report otherwise. It's a good thing they print their own money.

Duckman: Do you know what my father's last words were?
Cornfed: 'Careful, son, I don't think the safety's on'?
Duckman: Before that!

Duckman: Hey, canteeno boy. I need a tall glass of water. My sister-in-law and her birthday suit just gave me a libidoectomy.

Besides, if the medium is good enough for the likes of "Super-Friends", "Game Over", "It's Punky Brewster", any number of "Scooby-Doo" incarnations, "Pet Alien", "Poochini", "Sabrina: the Animated Series", "Super Duper Sumos", "The Wacky World of Tex Avery" and "Quack Pack"...then shouldn't it be good enough for "Duckman"?

By the way, I've heard that online petitions don't usually work, but I'm hoping that the inverse is true for this one.

Monday, December 12, 2005

Revenge of the Sitch

As some of you may or may not be aware, the Disney Channel series "Kim Possible" has been renewed for an additional 22 episodes. To me, this news is good and bad. The good: when it was on, at least, it was a greatly entertaining program. The bad: the finale, "So the Drama", ended with Kim and Ron as a couple. When the show returns, they'll be dating.

In the interest of full disclosure, I like the idea of Kim and Ron together, but at the end of the day, that is never a good reason to watch a cartoon.

A number of tidbits about the newer episodes are available at this fansite. Among the items mentioned...

As if first love isn't challenging enough, they have mean queen Bonnie Rockwaller trying to sabotage them at every opportunity.

In the third season episode, "Bonding", we got a glimpse of why Bonnie was so, uh, cutting and cruel: her even more one-dimensional (if you can believe that) older sisters, Connie and Lonnie (nice names, BTW) lord their superiority over her. Had this been carried on, I might've seen clear to feel sympathy for her...but in "So the Drama", she was just as nasty as ever. It seems to me like the staff is making the Helga G. Pataki mistake of getting us to feel sympathy for someone who couldn't deserve less of it. I don't care how many fanfics try to change this: Bonnie Rockwaller will always, always be that mouthy little twat in need of a good dip*.

In one episode, when the crime gets personal, Monique suits up and jumps into action alongside Kim. Once she gets a taste of real action, Monique becomes a valuable asset to Team Possible with her fashion skills applied for undercover disguises.

I just wanna say I'm quite fascinated with this and hope that Monique fares better than she did in "A Sitch in Time"...the present section, I mean.

We'll also see more of Ron's home life this season, as his only child status comes to an abrupt end.

This one's a two-parter, so pay attention. First, it will be nice to see more of Ron's parents. From the few moments they've been on screen, they come off as very likable. Second, this is as good a reason as any to bring back season one Ron. If a baby boy or girl enters the Stoppable home and their older brother is running around like a chicken with his head cut off, a voice like a five-year-old boy, an intellect to match and pants that never stay on, the kid will be damn lucky to survive.

In fact, season three should serve as a learning experience in what shouldn't be done for season four. Let's see, I already mentioned Ron, so what else is there? Oh, yes: forced slang ('awkweird', 'jelling' and 'roachist' are but three words I hope to never hear again), inconsequential plots ("Bad Boy", I'm staring right at you), that's it.

There will soon come a time where I examine the show by the writing, but for now, let me say that...we shall see what happens upon its return. Hopefully, it will be just as good as the first season. Worst case scenario, it turns into a parody of itself, like "Family Guy".

* - Shame on anyone who doesn't get this reference.

Monday, December 05, 2005

Of birthdays and parfaits.

No, it wasn't mine. 'Twas my mom's. Even with the absent of cake, it turned out well. My sisters got her DVDs, while I got her a book. It wasn't easy, though. I tried a number of stores on this one street, to no avail; too expensive, too Christmassy or just not right. I also got a card. Not too showy, with plenty of space to write a nice message.

Finding a good card had its share of problems, too. Can someone tell me why greeting card companies have this hard-on for soaking their wares in glitter? It cheapens the basic message and it ends up stuck on your hands, most likely a reminder of why you don't get these cards.

At work today, they had what was known as a caramel creme parfait. Perhaps it was the subconscious lack of birthday cake or my morbid curiosity at work, but I gave it a try. Needless to say I'll be sticking to the ever-elusive banana parfait. I have one in the fridge that I treat like Dom Perignon from '72; only for an extra-special occasion...unless I can find more, then, goodbye.

Thursday, December 01, 2005

A moment of reflection.

Even with the brain-dead customers, unfulfilled dreams, looming responsibilities, unheard opinions, crappy winter weather and other things that get me down, life is worth holding onto for the moments when you can say, "Hey. I did something great today."

My "Kim Possible" video is out of the editing suite and into the fire. All that's left is finding a host site and figuring out just how the hell I boot it up to the internet. The journey is never over, kids. Smell you later.