Mr. Cellophane

In a location adjacent to a place in a city of some significance, what comes out of my head is plastered on the walls of this blog.

Sunday, November 27, 2016

No job. No money. No friends. No satisfaction with life. No prospects. No chance to show off my writing skills to people without paying through the nose with money I'm likely to never have.

If the universe thinks that I need to put up with this shit, I've got the worst motherfucking news imaginable for the universe.

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Thursday, November 24, 2016

This Thanksgiving, I'm not sure what I have to be thankful for...and yes, that does come from a somewhat material place: I barely have a job, I don't quite have the money to keep going and I'm still waiting to hear back from the many people I've applied with in the last several weeks.

I have health, a place to live and a working internet connection, so things aren't all bad...but they're not all good, either.


Wednesday, November 16, 2016

Welp, I'm bored. I can't think of any YouTube videos to post to fill up space, so I'm just gonna do something a little different.

I tried my hand at copywriting and e-mailed a whole bunch of companies, but, like everyone whom I've asked for a job in the last year, they've decided to pretend I don't exist. I doubt a single person there has ever (or will ever) know how cruel and offensive that is.

Here's a sample of the newsletter I wanted to send if they asked, tszujed up from my earlier post about the fair:

What I Should’ve Done On My Summer Vacation

It’s hard to believe that summer is long gone. It feels like only yesterday we were standing in our backyards, watching fireworks popping in the night sky. Next thing you know, we need to set our clocks back an hour and put up Christmas decorations. Sometimes - and I don’t think I’m alone here - I find myself wishing I was younger, or at least, young enough to truly absorb how wonderful new experiences can be. For example, I went to the fair for the first time ever this year. Even with the constant walking, the punishing heat and the feeling of not really knowing where you’re trying to get to, going to the fair is something that everyone should try to do at least once a summer. (Going to a drive-in theater should also be a summer ritual, or, at the very least, attending a venue that allows you to see a movie outdoors. Not every town has a drive-in theater, which is a shame.)

I really think that the sense of community and excitement of going to a fair just can’t be beat. Even if you’re somehow not in a socializing mood, just being among so many different people is an amazing feeling. When you find yourself waiting in line for something, it’s almost impossible not to strike up a conversation with someone.

Fine Dining at the Fair

For example, waiting in line for something to eat. Now, I know we like to delude ourselves into thinking, ‘I really ought to be eating healthier’. Still, in situations like this, it just can’t be helped. Personally, eating something ridiculously unhealthy was the principal reason I went to the fair. (Call it a side effect of too many episodes of “Food Paradise”.) Before I went, I had heard about a number of intriguingly fattening food items that the fair had to offer. Unfortunately, I was light on time and money, so I decided to follow an old piece of advice: ‘Keep it Simple, Stupid’.

I stumbled upon a simple concession stand that specialized in deep-fried foods. One of the items on the menu was deep-fried bacon cheddar mashed potatoes. They taste pretty good in their regular form, so logically, they were sure to be twice as good in deep-fried form. Unfortunately, it was hot, in that just-got-out-of-the-fryer way so, for a while, I had to amuse myself with the drippings on the side of the ball, dipping them in the ranch dressing that came with the entree. Once it was cool enough, it was very delicious; a little crumbly, but tasty, especially with the ranch. Of course, I had to wash it down with soda. There’s nothing like a cold soda on a hot day.

The Main Attractions

Surprisingly, there were other things to do at the fair besides eat. The fair also offered the kind of sights that could haunt someone’s nightmares. I’m sure that a person who doesn’t scare easily would be interested in seeing a half-snake, half girl and a 29-inch woman, but I’m not made of such strong stuff.

Now, everyone likes animals, I’m sure, and there was no shortage of them at the fair. People were walking cows around, which got me to check my shoes for any presents (my shoes were clean, thankfully). I passed through a barn that had creatures with feathers (geese, chickens, peacocks) and fur (bunnies, guinea pigs). As I saw them in their tiny cages being poked and petted despite the signs telling people not to, I couldn’t help but feel sorry for them. They probably wanted to spend the day relaxing and getting something to eat, not being stuck in a cage.

There were attractions that set out to do what the good ones ought to - thrill and amaze. One featured a guy with a giant wheel doing stunts which involved a lucky volunteer. Another featured a guy dubbed ‘The Wizard of Wood’, which meant carving sculptures out of hunks of wood. At the time, he was putting the finishing touches on a buffalo.

There is so much to see and do at the fair and, as overwhelming as it can be, I maintain that it’s something that everyone should experience at least once a summer.

Not bad, right? I may have a gift for this writing thing, after all.


Wednesday, November 09, 2016

This shit is why I fucking hate politics.

Best case scenario, we get a "Designated Survivor"/King Ralph-type of situation going, at some point.

On a planet of six billion, I know I'm not the only one to have entertained this theory.

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Thursday, November 03, 2016

Random Thoughts - Here's what's been going on with me.

- Still waiting to hear back on the many jobs I applied for, including a typist position with the department of law at City Hall. I'm really hoping to hear good news from them, even though I was late for the interview (not entirely my fault; simply put, there are too many goddamn cars parked near City Hall and not enough parking spaces).

- Because I couldn't get enough money together in time, my Bank of America card was charged off, which is to say, I can't use it anymore and I still owe the debt, which is roughly a prime number followed by a few zeroes.

- Part of the money I'd planned to use on the BoA payment (which came from selling CDs I didn't want anymore) had arrived in the mail after it was too late to do anything about it. Figuring that the money shouldn't go to waste, I decided to deposit it in the bank, then wait about half an hour and take it back out to spend on a movie - Miss Peregrine's Home for Peculiar Children. Now at the time, I have five dollars in my bank account. I try to take the money back out, only to find my transactions declined due to insufficient funds. Given my nervousness about the credit card situation, I get super-paranoid; 'Did Bank of America commandeer my bank account to pay off the debt? Isn't this illegal?' Figuring it's not worth the trouble (and that I have a right to peace of mind), I go home, without a new movie in my eyeballs. I guess it takes them a while to process deposits, because I was able to take some of the money out today.

- Halloween came and gone with more trick-or-treaters than the last few years combined...but still not very many. Looks like I'm not the only one who's paranoid.

- I had hoped to get some money by pawning some stuff I wasn't using anymore, like a mini-DVD player and a TV/VCR, only to find that pawn shops don't take that stuff anymore. How the fuck are you even still in business, then?!

- I get an e-mail from Capital One about my next payment, only to find that the total balance and payment are significantly lower than they've been in months. I can actually make this without too much hassle. Heh, I might even be able to buy stuff with it again, one day.

- As a chaser to this bit of good news, I contact Bank of America's recovery department fearing the worst. Instead, I find that (for now, anyway) I just need to make a (reasonable) payment per month. For the longest, I've been wondering about God having a plan for everyone and how I hope that this isn't it. Now, I still need a job, but I'm actually looking to the future with hope.