Mr. Cellophane

In a location adjacent to a place in a city of some significance, what comes out of my head is plastered on the walls of this blog.

Wednesday, November 16, 2016

Welp, I'm bored. I can't think of any YouTube videos to post to fill up space, so I'm just gonna do something a little different.

I tried my hand at copywriting and e-mailed a whole bunch of companies, but, like everyone whom I've asked for a job in the last year, they've decided to pretend I don't exist. I doubt a single person there has ever (or will ever) know how cruel and offensive that is.

Here's a sample of the newsletter I wanted to send if they asked, tszujed up from my earlier post about the fair:

What I Should’ve Done On My Summer Vacation

It’s hard to believe that summer is long gone. It feels like only yesterday we were standing in our backyards, watching fireworks popping in the night sky. Next thing you know, we need to set our clocks back an hour and put up Christmas decorations. Sometimes - and I don’t think I’m alone here - I find myself wishing I was younger, or at least, young enough to truly absorb how wonderful new experiences can be. For example, I went to the fair for the first time ever this year. Even with the constant walking, the punishing heat and the feeling of not really knowing where you’re trying to get to, going to the fair is something that everyone should try to do at least once a summer. (Going to a drive-in theater should also be a summer ritual, or, at the very least, attending a venue that allows you to see a movie outdoors. Not every town has a drive-in theater, which is a shame.)

I really think that the sense of community and excitement of going to a fair just can’t be beat. Even if you’re somehow not in a socializing mood, just being among so many different people is an amazing feeling. When you find yourself waiting in line for something, it’s almost impossible not to strike up a conversation with someone.

Fine Dining at the Fair

For example, waiting in line for something to eat. Now, I know we like to delude ourselves into thinking, ‘I really ought to be eating healthier’. Still, in situations like this, it just can’t be helped. Personally, eating something ridiculously unhealthy was the principal reason I went to the fair. (Call it a side effect of too many episodes of “Food Paradise”.) Before I went, I had heard about a number of intriguingly fattening food items that the fair had to offer. Unfortunately, I was light on time and money, so I decided to follow an old piece of advice: ‘Keep it Simple, Stupid’.

I stumbled upon a simple concession stand that specialized in deep-fried foods. One of the items on the menu was deep-fried bacon cheddar mashed potatoes. They taste pretty good in their regular form, so logically, they were sure to be twice as good in deep-fried form. Unfortunately, it was hot, in that just-got-out-of-the-fryer way so, for a while, I had to amuse myself with the drippings on the side of the ball, dipping them in the ranch dressing that came with the entree. Once it was cool enough, it was very delicious; a little crumbly, but tasty, especially with the ranch. Of course, I had to wash it down with soda. There’s nothing like a cold soda on a hot day.

The Main Attractions

Surprisingly, there were other things to do at the fair besides eat. The fair also offered the kind of sights that could haunt someone’s nightmares. I’m sure that a person who doesn’t scare easily would be interested in seeing a half-snake, half girl and a 29-inch woman, but I’m not made of such strong stuff.

Now, everyone likes animals, I’m sure, and there was no shortage of them at the fair. People were walking cows around, which got me to check my shoes for any presents (my shoes were clean, thankfully). I passed through a barn that had creatures with feathers (geese, chickens, peacocks) and fur (bunnies, guinea pigs). As I saw them in their tiny cages being poked and petted despite the signs telling people not to, I couldn’t help but feel sorry for them. They probably wanted to spend the day relaxing and getting something to eat, not being stuck in a cage.

There were attractions that set out to do what the good ones ought to - thrill and amaze. One featured a guy with a giant wheel doing stunts which involved a lucky volunteer. Another featured a guy dubbed ‘The Wizard of Wood’, which meant carving sculptures out of hunks of wood. At the time, he was putting the finishing touches on a buffalo.

There is so much to see and do at the fair and, as overwhelming as it can be, I maintain that it’s something that everyone should experience at least once a summer.

Not bad, right? I may have a gift for this writing thing, after all.



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