So, let's recap. As of right now, I have:

• Two maxed out credit cards whose combined total debt is about $9,000
• A number of medical bills
• A debt for a cell phone
• A car note that's on the verge of being paid off
• An as-yet-undiagnosed car issue that's affecting my steering
• An overdue car inspection that, logically, can't be taken care of until the above problem is
• A number of imminent parking tickets because of the previous problem

And, prostitution or insurance fraud aside, no way to pay for them.

Nothing in this world is free. Everything costs money. All I ask for is a way to have as much money as, if not more than what I'm expected to pay off. I ask and I ask, but I get less than nothing in return. I accept that I'm not a perfect person, but I know that I'm, at least, better than the people who take lives: murderers, zealots, suicide bombers. Bullets, bombs, guns, I know that shit doesn't come cheap.

As I sat at a birthday party recently, and wandered around the fair last week and as I think about how I'm sharing this now, it dawns on me just how alone in the world I truly am. It is said that no one is truly alone as long as they have the Lord.

Again, I've asked for so much and gotten so little in return. Given how little He acknowledges me, would I really be missed if I decided not to acknowledge Him? Amongst billions of followers, I sincerely doubt it. All I really ask for is a sign.

Not a sign that He's listening, but a sign that He cares; a sign that He cares enough to lift me out of this hole, dust me off and set me on a good path, just like those fancy words in that Book. Either lift me out of the hole or fill it in after me, because I am beyond exhausted with this 'help just out of reach' nonsense.

I'm sure that I'm not the only one.