The Oscars of 2014.

8:31pm - Whole lotta softball jokes, here.

8:34pm - Finally, a good bit. Paraphrased: "The most important things are family, friends and love. If you don't have those things, you go into showbiz."

8:39pm - Either, it was the material or Ellen's been away from the stand-up game for too long, but I couldn't be happier that awards are finally being presented. Anne Hathaway presenting Best Supporting Actor.

8:43pm - The Oscar goes to...Jared Leto! Oscar pooling aside, this is going to surprise "My So-Called Life" fans who thought that Claire Danes would be the first to an Oscar.

8:47pm - Next presenter, Jim Carrey. Not sure what movie he was referencing.

8:49pm - A look at animated heroes.

8:50pm - Kerry Washington introduces Pharrell Williams performing "Happy" from Despicable Me 2.

8:56pm - "No, I don't want to see it." "What's the big deal?" - Ellen and Jonah Hill.

8:57pm - Naomi Watts and Samuel L. Jackson present Best Costume Design.

8:58pm - The Oscar goes to...Catherine Martin for The Great Gatsby.

9:00pm - The Oscar for Hair and Make-Up goes to...Dallas Buyers Club (1/24)! For likely the reasons I cited.

9:02pm - To the slowest-ever rendition of "The Raiders March", Harrison Ford takes the stage, summarizing three of the Best Picture nominees.

9:05pm - Channing Tatum introduces a group of potential filmmakers.

9:11pm - Kim Novak (introduced to "Scene d'Amour" from Vertigo; I wonder what she has to say about that) and Matthew McConaughey present Best Animated Short Subject.

9:12pm - The Oscar goes to..."Mr. Hublot".

9:15pm - And now, Best Animated Feature. The Oscar goes to...Frozen (2/24)!

9:17pm - Sally Field introduces a montage of true story movies.

9:21pm - Emma Watson and Joseph Gordon-Levitt present Best Visual Effects. The Oscar goes to...Gravity (3/24)! There you go.

9:24pm - Zac Efron introduces Karen O.

9:30pm - Kate Hudson and Jason Sudeikis present Best Live-Action Short Subject. The Oscar goes to...Helium (4/24)! I really ought to consider making a short film.

9:33pm - The Oscar for Best Documentary Short Subject goes to..."The Lady in Number 6: Music Saved My Life" (5/24)! Was that Silvestri's Forrest Gump accompanying the filmmakers on their way to the stage?

9:37pm - Bradley Cooper presents Best Documentary Feature, which goes to..."20 Feet from Stardom".

9:40pm - Kevin Spacey tells of the Honorary awards bestowed in a separate ceremony.

9:48pm - Ewan McGregor and Viola Davis present Best Foreign Language Film. The Oscar goes to...The Great Beauty (6/24)! Hooray for blind guessing. (Given some of the 'brutally honest Oscar ballots' I've seen in the last few days, I should fit right in.)

9:50pm - Tyler Perry tells us about Nebraska, Her and Gravity.

9:54pm - Brad Pitt introduces U2.

10:04pm - Michael B. Jordan and Kristen Bell tell of the Scientific and Technical Awards.

10:06pm - Chris Hemsworth and Charlize Theron present Best Sound Mixing. The Oscar goes to...Gravity (7/24)!

10:09pm - The Oscar for Best Sound Editing goes to...Gravity (8/24)!

10:11pm - Christoph Waltz presents Best Supporting Actress.

10:14pm - The Oscar goes to...Lupita Nyong'o (9/24)! This should make up nicely for how wasted she was in Non-Stop.

10:21pm - I'm sorry, are these Oscars interrupting your pizza party?

10:23pm - The first Black female president of the Academy Motion Picture Arts and Sciences, Cheryl Boone Isaacs.

10:26pm - Amy Adams and Bill Murray present Best Cinematography. The Oscar goes to...Emmanuel Lubezki for Gravity (10/24)!

10:29pm - Anna Kendrick and Gabourey Sidibe present Best Editing. The Oscar goes to...Alfonso Cuaron and Mark Sanger for Gravity (11/24)!

10:32pm - Whoopi Goldberg, Judy Garland's kids and Pink pay tribute to The Wizard of Oz.

10:43pm - Jennifer Garner and Benedict Cumberbatch present Best Production Design. The Oscar goes to...Catherine Martin for The Great Gatsby (12/24)!

10:46pm - The Amazing Spider-Man theme used to introduce Chris Evans? WTF? Anyway, this next montage looks at heroes.

10:48pm - Oh, now they play the Captain America march. Ai ya!

10:53pm - Glenn Close introduces In Memoriam.

10:58pm - And now, Bette Midler.

11:05pm - Goldie Hawn introduces the last three nominees for Best Picture.

11:08pm - John Travolta introduces Idina Menzel performing "Let it Go".

11:12pm - Jamie Foxx and Jessica Biel present Best Original Score. The Oscar goes to...Steven Price for Gravity. In the back of my mind, I knew this would happen even though I didn't want it to. His music was okay, but not a patch on Newman's Saving Mr. Banks.

11:16pm - The Oscar for Best Song goes to...the Lopezes for "Let it Go" (13/24)!

11:23pm - Robert DeNiro (saying what all writers were thinking) and Penelope Cruz present Best Adapted Screenplay. The Oscar goes to...John Ridley for 12 Years a Slave. This is a long way from Undercover Brother (which was awesome).

11:27pm - The Oscar for Original Screenplay goes to...Spike Jonze for Her.

11:32pm - Angelina Jolie and Sidney Poitier present Best Director. The Oscar goes to...Alfonso Cuaron for Gravity (14/24)!

11:41pm - Daniel Day-Lewis presents Best Actress.

11:44pm - The Oscar goes to...Cate Blanchett for Blue Jasmine.

11:48pm - Jennifer Lawrence presents Best Actor. The Oscar goes to...Matthew McConaughey for Dallas Buyers Club.

11:55pm - Will Smith presents Best Picture. The Oscar goes to...12 Years a Slave. Did not see that coming.

And so ends another Oscar night. 14 picks out of 24. I'm getting better at this.