The movies of 2017.

Just so it's on the record...

10. The Shape of Water - Guillermo Del Toro's re-write of Creature from the Black Lagoon is an oddly enchanting fairy tale.

9. Murder on the Orient Express - An incredibly stylish adaptation of the Agatha Christie novel, with a terrific cast and effective moments of suspense.

8. The Disaster Artist - The behind-the-scenes look at The Room is uproarious, but kept grounded by the friendship between two misfits seeking success.

7. It - A much better coming-of-age movie than a horror movie, but both parts nicely complement each other.

6. Logan - A fascinating (if dark) valedictory to the X-Men series, anchored by series-best turns from Hugh Jackman and Patrick Stewart.

5. The LEGO Batman Movie - One of the more entertainingly ridiculous animated movies of recent memory; loaded with gags and clever Easter eggs.

4. War for the Planet of the Apes - More a meditation on the horror of war than one would expect from a major studio movie and impressively rendered.

3. Guardians of the Galaxy - Vol. 2 - Follow-up manages even to outshine a damn-good original; just as funny and surprisingly emotional.

2. Coco - Colorful and delightful animated feature, with a tuneful soundtrack and a thematically rich narrative.

1. Your Name. - What could've been an ordinary story of body switching ended up as, perhaps, the most original and heartbreaking movie of the year.

And then there's...

Baby Driver - Snappy mixture of action and comedy from Edgar Wright, with a command of music as strong as the filmmaking.
Colossal - Peculiar genre mashup is far more substantive than a traditional monster movie and a fascinating metaphor for addiction.
Get Out - Unnerving, entertaining crosshatch between Guess Who's Coming to Dinner and The Stepford Wives.
I, Tonya - The constant shifting of tone aside, this is a terrific look at an odd chapter in sports history, well-acted and very eye-opening.
Kedi - Cats running rampant around Istanbul. Sometimes, you don't need more substance than that. Endearing and profound.
Molly's Game - Aaron Sorkin's directing debut is an exceptional return to Social Network territory, fueled by a marvelous Jessica Chastain performance.
Spider-Man: Homecoming - Filtering the web-crawler's adventures through a high school comedy makes for a surprisingly enjoyable feature.
Thor: Ragnarok - Though perhaps a little too jokey, this is still a rollicking installment in the Marvel series.
Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri - Corrosive (literally and figuratively) comedy-drama, rich with strong performances and social outrage.
Wonder Woman - Perhaps the finest effort to come from the DCEU, with exciting action scenes and strong period flavor.

Underrated: Brad's Status, Justice League and Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales

Guilty pleasures: The Hitman's Bodyguard and xXx: the Return of Xander Cage


My favorite things in movies - 2017:
the apartment fight in Atomic Blonde

Deckard Shaw's babysitting service in The Fate of the Furious

Ezra Miller in Justice League

Harry regains his memory in Kingsman: the Golden Circle

Jake reminisces about his childhood fishing in Geostorm

Jeff gets the last word in I, Tonya

John C. Reilly in Kong: Skull Island, especially his last moments

Laurence Fishburne in John Wick: Chapter 2 and Last Flag Flying

Mildred sees the deer in Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri

the Nancy Drew montage in Happy Death Day

the No Man's Land sequence in Wonder Woman

the opening getaway in Baby Driver

Paul McCartney in Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales

Peter's vlog in Spider-Man: Homecoming

Roman takes a trip to the beach in Roman J. Israel, Esq.

the speed therapy session in Molly's Game

Stephen Merchant in Logan

the tasting in John Wick: Chapter 2

the thermostat commiseration in Daddy's Home 2

the trip through the tunnel in Thor: Ragnarok

Zazie Beetz in Geostorm; a far more enjoyable Snark Knight than the one from Spider-Man: Homecoming (more on this later) and one of the best things about this dumb but fairly entertaining actioner. Based on her work here, I can't wait to see her go toe-to-toe with Ryan Reynolds in Deadpool 2.

Holy crap, was that...?

Olek Krupa in The Fate of the Furious
Tony Plana in Roman J. Israel, Esq.
Paul Williams in Baby Driver

What a tragic waste...

Jon Bernthal in Baby Driver (seriously, he was barely in the movie long enough to rub his head)
Judy Greer in War for the Planet of the Apes (didn't we fucking go over this two years ago?!)
Christopher Lloyd in Going in Style
Helen Mirren in The Fate of the Furious (we are not amused)
Courtney B. Vance in The Mummy

Random thoughts:

- Did I hallucinate that? Was Beauty and the Beast really gonna have a scene at the end of a servant that was changed into a chamberpot? Two ways I can react to this: a) "Robot Chicken's" influence is far-reaching or b) Huh. I guess executive meddling can be used for good, after all.

- Some people, before and after the film's release, were upset that MJ (or is that Michelle?) in Spider-Man: Homecoming was Black. I didn't much care for the character myself and let me say that if her obnoxiously snarky, 'screw the world' attitude and half-hearted wisecracks had anything to do with her being Black, well then, nail on the head.

- I was underwhelmed by The Fate of the Furious. It was watchable and intermittently interesting, but after all I'd heard about it and the movie series, all I could do was go, '...that's it?' This disappointment spread to Charlize Theron's uber-hacker villainess. (mild 17 year old spoiler warning) I thought she was a more compelling adversary in the last 10 minutes of Reindeer Games.

- Speaking of White girls, I saw Get Out. I enjoyed it greatly...and I still want a White girlfriend. What? You're gonna tell me that nobody ever swam in the ocean again after Jaws? Give me a break.

- You can count the number of truly impressive animated movies released by major studios this past year on one hand and still have enough digits left over for a Dane Cook superfinger (ask your older siblings). Having sat through Batman and Harley Quinn and the previews for The LEGO Ninjago Movie, it really seemed like the writers of both movies decided to go with the first draft of every joke they came up with, figuring they were 'good enough'. Didn't those crews believe in punch-up? You cannot 'good enough' the scripts to animated movies! (Then again, major studios, superfinger, so what can you do?)

- A long time ago, when I reviewed Hello Mary Lou: Prom Night II, I wondered what happened to that film's lead actress, Wendy Lyon. Checking the credits of The Shape of Water, I got my answer: she played Strickland's secretary. Well, I got part of an answer; what has she been doing the last 30 years?

- I didn't like The Mummy. I didn't hate it, either. I nothing that movie, but there were actually critics (respected ones, at that) who preferred it to the Brendan Fraser movies. Fucking seriously? I concede that it may - may - be on the level of the over-stuffed sequels, but better than the 1999 movie? You are high on crack cocaine.

- As a matter of fact, 'Amanda Johnson' at Pajiba (cf. 'What Was the Stupidest Thing in a Movie in 2017?') posited a much better reboot of The Mummy that could stand shoulder to shoulder with the 1999 version and the 1932 original while satisfying Universal's 'Dark Universe' boner:
The other dumbass thing was the entire plot. Scrap Cruise entirely and make Sofia Boutella the main character and an Egyptian archaeologist directly descended from Ardeth Bey (a great granddaughter) from the previous movies. Except, she doesn't believe in the supernatural and the old stories of her family fighting the Mummy. So she unwittingly unleashes a new mummy.

Meanwhile, a direct descendant of Rick and Evie is secretly on the dig/part of the archaeological team. Except, now the O'Connell line absolutely believes in the supernatural. Once the mummy is released, he reveals himself. Action-adventure and horror hijinks ensue. Including fun, non-misogynistic romantic tension between the Egyptian archaeologist and the O'Connell descendant. Also, throw in a couple flashbacks started Ardeth and the O'Connells to tie it to the earlier movies.

Oh and the Medjai are part of an international organization of monster hunters all over the world, similar to SHIELD in the MCU. Which his how you establish a Universal Monster Universe. Because each movie is linked together by the Medjai investigations of the monsters. Including a Frankenstein movie set in the era Mary Shelly actually wrote it. That way, you don't have to tie up actors for multiple movies and are allowed to set movies in different historical eras and using different genres. Hell, an after-credits scene should have been the only hint the Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde is around.

But hey, what do I know?

- The kid in Wonder looked strange, but let's be honest: between his mom's mouth and his dad's nose, things could've been so much worse.

- In a year of 'you gotta be fucking kidding me' endings (Life, mother!, The Wall), I would never have guessed that The Trip to Spain would be among them. Seriously, if you didn't want to do a fourth movie, all you had to do was say so.

- Okay, there were a lot of time-loop movies this past year. It almost makes one wish for a cinematic universe where Sam (from Before I Fall), Tree (Happy Death Day) and whatever Marlon Wayans's character from Naked was called are gathered together by Phil Connors to use time-loops to save the world or something. This was dashed off, but more thought was likely put into this than into the Dark Universe.

- So...The Last Jedi. People don't seem to agree with Rian Johnson's creative decisions on that movie. (I didn't see it, not out of fear of the toxic reactions to it, but out of pure apathy: despite going to see The Force Awakens, I've never been much into Star Wars.) Kinda makes my whining about the second half of Looper seem pretty small, if more reasonably expressed; I hated the turn the film took, but I doubt I'd threaten the director over social media.