And the winners are...

A day late with the traditional 'finding out who the MTV Movie Award winners are' (the ceremony typically held on the second Thursday in June until a couple years ago), but it's here.

Best On-Screen Duo...Simon Pegg and Nick Frost, Hot Fuzz! (To be honest, it was tough choosing between them and the Cera/Hill power combo from Superbad, but the two make for a great team.)
[Real winner...none. The category was discontinued. It's bad enough when it was changed a few years ago to best on-screen team, but this is just lame-ass.]

Best Action Sequence...the tunnel fight, Live Free or Die Hard! (Never underestimate the power of flying cars and explosions.)
[Real winner...none. You'd think this would've been a natural.]

Best Comedic Performance...James Marsden, Enchanted! (All the nominees performed admirably, especially Epps, but Marsden...oh, just watch the movie! You'll see what I mean.)
[Real winner...Johnny Depp in Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End. I'll admit that the scenes of Jack Sparrow in Davy Jones' locker were a hoot, but come on! A better comic performance than the one I picked? Yeah, right!]

Best Villain...Javier Bardem, No Country for Old Men! (He is just creepy in this movie, starting with the look on his face at the beginning when he strangles the cop and it just builds from there.)
[Real winner...Johnny Depp in Sweeney Todd. I wasn't aware that anti-heroes were being considered villains these days (another nominee in the real category: Denzel Washington in American Gangster). If anything, Judge Turpin (the ever-terrific Alan Rickman) was far more vile than Sweeney...and shame on me for forgetting to include him in my category.]

Best Breakthrough Performance - Male...Shia LaBeouf, Disturbia! (What can I say? The boys of Superbad cancelled each other out. I still hold that this, while no masterpiece, was the superior LaBeouf film of '07.)

Best Breakthrough Performance - Female...Nikki Blonsky, Hairspray! (As much as I enjoyed Kat Dennings in the criminally underappreciated Charlie Bartlett, I must say that Miss Blonsky charmed me immensely. Her work was one of the most vital elements of the entertaining musical.)
[Real winner - in the combined (oy!) category...Zac Efron, Hairspray. Having never watched "High School Musical", I can only really judge him here...and he was a good choice.]

Best Dance Sequence..."That's How You Know", Enchanted! (A catchy song and some fantastic choreography...though I did also like "Good Morning Baltimore".)
[Real winner...none. I don't know what to say.]

Best Female Performance...Amy Adams, Enchanted! (She makes you believe that she is an animated character come to life. While an Oscar nomination was a bit much to hope for, an award like this is not hard to imagine.)
[Real winner...I'll give you three guesses and the first two weren't pregnant.]

Best Male Performance...Johnny Depp, Sweeney Todd! (Now that's more like it. I was surprised when he was Oscar-nominated, and though I was sure he wouldn't win, I still loved this performance.)
[Real winner...Will Smith in I Am Legend. Haven't seen it, so I can't really comment.]

Best Fight...Clive Owen vs. assassins, Shoot 'em Up! (You'd think a film like this would be right up the alley of MTV watchers. Go figure. Michael Davis deserves some kind of award for dreaming up those insane gun battles.)
[Real winner...Sean Faris vs. Cam Gigandet in Never Back Down. I can only assume that the people who nominated and voted for this fight were being ironic...but then, do those people even know what 'ironic' means? Moot point, anyway: the credulity of the category went out the window last year when some fight from 300 triumphed over Sacha Baron Cohen vs. Ken Davitan in Borat (and disturbing though it may have been, it was forking hilarious).]

Best Kiss...Orlando Bloom and Keira Knightley, Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End! (If only to stick a banana in the tailpipe of all those Jack/Elizabeth shippers who fawned over Dead Man's Chest, this was worthy.)
[Real winner...none. Seriously, what the hell?]

Best Movie...Enchanted! (Though fundamentally a children's movie and a romantic comedy, it is still a fine piece of entertainment.)
[Real winner...Transformers. In other words, a golden shower for those who think that the children of today will make fine leaders of tomorrow.]

Let's do this again next year.