"Sheesh! Hundreds of channels and there's nothing on!"

What happened to television? Moreover, what happened to cable television?

Flipping through the cable listings, I saw that a rerun of "The Cougar" would be airing today on TV Land. A show like this on any channel would be weird enough, but that it's airing on TV Land, which allegedly shows classic television shows, is just stupid. When one watches a channel dedicated to a particular theme, one expects the channel to deliver. Whether it's a question of ratings (or outright stupidity), there's no reason for a network to abandon what it sets out to deliver to the audience.

Let's go down the dial (figure of speech) and see what's going on:

- E! Entertainment Television: reality shows with would-be celebutantes. Entertaining? Not in this universe.

- SciFi Channel (soon to be...I just can't type it out; I may as well substitute 'have' with 'of' in all future message board postings): a marathon of Uwe Boll movies...which is somehow less retarded than their original movies and occasional airings of wrestling. If not for the "Twilight Zone" marathons, would there be a reason to watch this network?

- American Movie Classics: Death Wish 3 is on right now. 'nuff said.

- MTV: marathons of "Viva La Bam", "My Super Sweet 16" and something called "Bully Beatdown". That's nice and all, but would it kill them to play a fucking music video once in a while?!

- CMT (short for Country Music Television): reruns of "Cribs" and "Nanny 911" and the movie Captain Ron. Ummm...yeah.

- Spike TV: Ultimate Fighting competitions...but since they stopped airing (or lost the rights to) "The Three Stooges" and shoved "MXC" into the wastelands of late night, who gives a shit what their brand is?

- Cartoon Network: Do I really have to tell you?

Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to look for a good movie out with which to veg. There's gotta be something on, right?