It's that time again.

"To make fun of Bride Wars?"
"To buy tickets for the new Street Fighter movie?"

Nope. It's time to yak about the Oscars:

- The Craigslist dancers?!

- The nation wants an apology/Frank Langella was sitting next to me...gold.

- At the moment, the network feed is going all wonky. I sincerely hope that, for this, someone is fired...from a cannon into the sun...and they're back. (I'm stroke-serious about that 'cannon' thing, though.)

- They've brought out past Supporting Actress winners to present the latest recipient. Among them...Goldie Hawn (who really ought to return to film...and still looks good).

- "It's not easy being a nun."

- Best Supporting Actress: Penelope Cruz for Vicky Cristina Barcelona. Haven't seen the film, but 'twas a touching acceptance speech.

- Damned if Tina Fey doesn't sound like Drew Barrymore; that's who I heard as the fake script page was being typed.

- "Steve, nobody wants to hear about our religion that we made up"...ouch.

- Feed's fucking up again. Let's get that cannon ready.

- Best Original Screenplay: Dustin Lance Black for Milk. Fuck yeah! I have even more of a reason to pick up the scriptbook now.

- "Don't fall in love with me." Wait, what?

- Best Adapted Screenplay: Simon Beaufoy for Slumdog Millionaire. Somehow, I had a feeling.

- "Each year, I do a Dreamworks movie, then I take all the money from that and bet it on Pixar." Harsh, but hilarious.

- Not bad Animation montage, but where the hell was Igor?! Was it a 2007 release? They had room for Clone Wars and Space Chimps.

- Best Animated Feature: WALL-E. In the spirit of what I said last year, they should've just FedEx-ed the Oscar to Andrew Stanton (and would do well to do the same for Henry Selick next year; can anyone honestly think of anything that will top Coraline in this category?)...though I was kinda rooting for the surprisingly terrific Bolt.

- Best Animated Short Subject: La maison et petits cubes. Okay, I've only seen one of the nominees ("Presto"), so I can't comment fairly.

- Best Art Direction: The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. Again, can't comment.

- Best Costume Design: The Duchess. The lesson here: never bet against the British period drama in this category. Michael O'Connor mentioned the film's composer, Rachel Portman. Good on you.

- Best Make-Up: Greg Cannom for The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. It's a long way from White Chicks, I'll give him that.

- Way to mispronounce Amanda Seyfried's (SAY-freed) name, announcer lady. And is that the vampire from Twilight? Oy.

- High School Musical 3 and Sex and the Cityin the romance montage...but hey, they did also include Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist, so it's all good.

- Goldsmith's Esacpe from the Planet of the Apes before the act break? Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Michael Giacchino!

- Okay, who is Ben Stiller trying to fool with that fake-ass Mr. French beard? (Oh, it's a Joaquin Phoenix gag. He deserves the razzing, I think.)

- Best Cinematography: Anthony Dod Mantle for Slumdog Millionaire. Roger Deakins shoots a Holocaust movie with another talented DP...and he still loses. Whatever. Hooray for Mr. Mantle.

- James Franco (as Saul in Pineapple Express) watching himself in Milk...LOL. Janusz Kaminski's appearance topped it.

- Best Live Action Short: Toyland. See 'Art Direction'.

- The girl from High School Musical has great legs.

- Amusingly, Christopher Walken waxes philosophical on Michael Shannon...both appeared in Kangaroo Jack.

- Best Supporting Actor: Heath Ledger for The Dark Knight. The surest bet of the night. In spite of what one may think of the film, this was truly a phenomenal performance and a tragedy that we will never see the likes of it again.

- Best Documentary: Man on Wire. Heard about it, but haven't seen it...okay, the dude balancing the Oscar on his chin...awesome.

- Best Documentary Short Subject: Smile Pinky. I don't get the opportunity to watch the short subjects.

- Herrmann's The Day the Earth Stood Still. Wow.

- Wanted, Speed Racer and Transporter 3 in the Action montage. What more can be said?

- Best Visual Effects: The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. Even though it's basically for one of my pet peeves of film (placing an actor's head on someone else's body), it looked pretty impressive in the trailers.

- Best Sound Editing: The Dark Knight
- Best Sound Mixing: Slumdog Millionaire

- Best Editing: Chris Dickens for Slumdog Millionaire. Who'd have thought that the editor of Shaun of the Dead and Hot Fuzz looks like Moby?

- Jerry Lewis received the Jean Hersholt Humanitarian Award. Nice tribute to him as a comic actor and as a...humanitarian.

- Best Original Score: A.R. Rahman for Slumdog Millionaire. Hey, it's not Gustavo.

- Best Original Song: "Jai Ho" for Slumdog Millionaire. The snippet I heard in the song montage was pretty catchy.

- Best Foreign Language Film: "Departures". I got nothing.

- Nice 'Im Memorium' section. Loved Queen Latifah's singing.

- Best Director: Danny Boyle for Slumdog Millionaire. Was rooting for Gus Van Sant, but I had a feeling that Boyle would've won.

- Best Actress: Kate Winslet for The Reader. I guess Anne Hathaway was jinxed by Bride Wars. Looks like the sixth time was the charm.

- Best Actor: Sean Penn for Milk. I loved Penn in the film, but I was convinced that Mickey Rourke would've won. A nice surprise, to be sure.

- Best Picture: Slumdog Millionaire. I guess I have to see it, now.

- Hugh Jackman made a fantastic host. I hope he's invited back.

- I'm a little taken aback by the montage of movies to be released this year. Some of them do not look like they have any business being mentioned in the same breath as Oscars.