Mr. Cellophane

In a location adjacent to a place in a city of some significance, what comes out of my head is plastered on the walls of this blog.

Wednesday, January 04, 2012

Winter/spring movie preview.


The Devil Inside - The Last Exorcism, more or less re-told by the makers of Stay Alive.

Contraband - Before they embarrass themselves later this year in Seth MacFarlane's Ted, Mark Wahlberg and Giovanni Ribisi are embroiled in smuggling counterfeit bills.

Joyful Noise - Feuding church choir members (Dolly Parton, Queen Latifah) find that their offspring are falling in love.

Underworld: Awakening - Blue filters. Cheesy CGI. Kate Beckinsale in skintight clothing. You'd think at least one of these would entice me to see this.

Haywire - Following a betrayal, a super soldier seeks revenge, beating her way through an impressive cast (Michael Douglas, Ewan McGregor, Antonio Banderas, Michael Fassbender, Bill Paxton, Channing Tatum). BTW, why do I get the feeling I haven't heard the last of that last guy?

Coriolanus - A tale of revenge in ancient Rome, with Ralph Fiennes (making his directing debut) and Gerard Butler.

Red Tails - The true story of African-American fighter pilots in World War II. Screenplay by John Ridley and Aaron McGruder. Yes, the creator of "The Boondocks".

The Grey - What could be worse than crash-landing in a frozen wasteland? Crash-landing in a frozen wasteland and dealing with wolves. Bad time to be Liam Neeson, I would imagine.

One for the Money - Katherine Heigl returns to Killers territory in this 'based on a true story' tale of a woman who becomes a bounty hunter. Wasn't this a USA show a while back?

Man on a Ledge - Sam Worthington threatens to jump off the ledge of a hotel, but could this be a cover for something else? Probably.


The Woman in Black - From Horcruxes to ghosts; Daniel Radcliffe investigates a haunted house.

Chronicle - The superhero genre seems to be wearing out its welcome. Likewise, the found footage genre. Let's combine them! Screenplay by Max 'Son of John' Landis.

Big Miracle - Based on a true story of an Alaskan community uniting to save a trio of killer whales.

Safe House - CIA agent Ryan Reynolds is tasked to protect fugitive Denzel Washington when their safe house is attacked. A more action-oriented Midnight Run? Maybe.

The Vow - Rachel McAdams loses her memory in an accident, spurring Channing Tatum to remind her of their relationship.

Journey 2: the Mysterious Island - A sequel to the remake of Journey to the Center to the Earth, co-starring Dwayne Johnson, Michael Caine and Luis Guzman.

Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance - Jonah Hex was a disjointed (though strangely watchable) mess. Here's hoping that Neveldine/Taylor's second foray into comic book adaptations turns out better.

This Means War - Chris Pine and Tom Hardy are two CIA agents who come to blows over Reese Witherspoon. Neat premise, but the execution has me uneasy. Think I'm overreacting? Look up the credits of the film's producer, Robert Simonds. I'll wait.

The Secret World of Arrietty - The latest from Studio Ghibli. It's nice to finally see an animated production do justice to the story of "The Borrowers". (Yes, that was a shot.)

Act of Valor - The trailer so led me to believe this was some kind of documentary, but apparently, it's a fictional story of Navy SEALS rescuing a CIA agent. (Man, you can't swing a dead cat without hitting a movie about CIA agents this month.)

Wanderlust - It's like I said last fall: Paul Rudd and Jennifer Aniston drop out of the rat race and join a commune.

Good Deeds - Tyler Perry is Wesley Deeds (oh, I get it now), a man who finds true love on the eve of his wedding.

Gone - Amanda Seyfried managed to escape a psychopath, but he comes back for her sister. Creepy.


The Lorax - Yet another loose adaptation/expansion of a Dr. Seuss story. Looks charming enough on its own, but I get the feeling that this will fall into 'if only they didn't call it (blank)' territory.

Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters - Anoter classic fairy tale gets a wild reimagining. Wake me when they come out with "The Boy Who Cried Wolf".

Project X - Not a remake of the Matthew Broderick movie, but the story of how a house party gets out of hand. Produced by Todd Phillips.

Tim and Eric's Billion Dollar Movie - Yep. God hates us.

John Carter - As much as I want this, Andrew Stanton's live-action debut, to succeed, I get the feeling that this adaptation of the Edgar Rice Burroughs story will be the first big bath taken by a studio this year.

The Raven - Edgar Allan Poe (John Cusack) is on the case as a killer patterns murders after Poe's writings.

Think Like a Man - Following the much-disliked (but not that bad) Fantastic Four movies, Barbershop director Tim Story returns to character-based films with this (if you watch as much television as me) all-star romantic comedy.

Playing the Field - While coaching a youth soccer team, Gerard Butler hopes to score with some single moms.

Mirror Mirror - This take on the Snow White story (the first of two this year!) actually looks good, mainly because of Julia Roberts' hammy Evil Queen. Sue me.

21 Jump Street - 2010's The Other Guys was apparently so successful, Sony decided to remake it with Jonah Hill and Channing Tatum. Sure, it's purportedly based on the Fox TV series, but don't be fooled.

Butter - People actually craft sculptures out of butter? Weird but true. This movie takes a look at those folks.

Casa de mi padre - When is a change-of-pace not a change-of-pace? When Will Ferrell stars in a Spanish comedy.

The Hunger Games - Another feature based on a youth-oriented book that I haven't read.

A Thousand Words - Long-delayed Eddie Murphy comedy where he is cursed with only being able to utter a thousand words before he dies.

Wrath of the Titans - Perseus, Zeus, Hades and the whole gang are back.

The Pirates! Band of Misfits - After a pair of maligned-yet-very-enjoyable CGI features, Aardman returns to claymation in this high-seas adventure comedy.


American Reunion - Damn them. What sounded like a bad idea actually looks pretty funny.

The Cold Light of Day - More or less another variation on Frantic with the guy from Immortals.

The Cabin in the Woods - Long-delayed (in the years since its completion, co-star Chris Hemsworth had time to rise to stardom as Thor), Joss Whedon-produced thriller where a group of friends encounter strange goings-on.

The Three Stooges - The inexplicable "Jersey Shore" reference aside, this seems to be a spot-on channelling of the classic shorts.

Bullet to the Head - Walter Hill directs Sylvester Stallone, a collaboration that one feels probably should've happened years ago.

Movie 43 - An assemblage of original comedy shorts, bursting with talent on both sides of the camera.

Wettest County - Prohibition must really be popular, what with "Boardwalk Empire" and this drama from the director of The Road.

The Lucky One - Yet another one of those Nicholas Sparks adaptations, this time starring Zac Efron.

Chimpanzee - Disney's annual nature documentary looks at an adorable baby chimp and the bond he forms with an older primate.

House at the End of the Street - A mother and daughter move next door to a house where a murder took place. It sounds like a glorified Lifetime movie to me.

Lock-Out - There was talk of an Escape from New York remake a while back, but that seems to have stalled, allowing Luc Besson to put his own spin on the idea.

The Five Year Engagement - After such a long courtship, will Jason Segel and Emily Blunt be ready for marriage?

Safe - Jason Statham is...does it really matter what the movie's about?

Top ten to see:
The Pirates! Band of Misfits
The Secret World of Arrietty
Safe House
The Grey
Movie 43
The Raven
Man on a Ledge
Mirror Mirror
Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance

Fuck these three:
Underworld: Awakening (Again with these stupid movies?!)
The Devil Inside (I think the poster's flipping me the 'muff diving' sign.)
Tim and Eric's Billion Dollar Movie (No Steve Brule = Why would any sane person see this?)


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