8:00 Janelle Monae singing "A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood"

8:02 ...and now, it's a full original number with dancers dressed as the year's movie characters...and Billy Porter cosplaying Elton John.

8:06 Steve Martin and Chris Rock showing us why we need Oscar hosts again. Seriously, can they host next year?

8:11 Regina King presents Best Supporting Actor. The Oscar goes to...Brad Pitt (1/24).

8:21 Beanie Feldstein introduces Mindy Kaling, who's about to present Best Animated Feature. The Oscar goes to Toy Story 4. Seriously, when is it going to be Laika's time?

8:25 Best Animated Short Subject now. The Oscar goes to..."Hair Love" (2/24).

8:27 Josh Gad introduces "Into the Unknown" performed by the voices of Elsa from around the world.

8:36 Kelly Marie Tran introduces Diane Keaton and Keanu Reeves, here to present Original Screenplay. The Oscar goes to...Parasite!

8:42 Timothee Chalamet and Natalie Portman present Adapted Screenplay. The Oscar goes to...Jojo Rabbit (3/24).

8:46 Shia LaBeouf and Zack Gottsagen present Best Live-Action Short Subject. The Oscar goes to..."The Neighbor's Window" (4/24).

8:53 Maya Rudolph and Kristen Wiig presenting Best Production Design. The Oscar goes to...Once Upon a Time in Hollywood (5/24).

8:59 ...and now, Best Costume Design. The Oscar goes to...Little Women (6/24).

9:01 Chrissy Metz performing "Standing with You" from Breakthrough. This may, by a wide margin, be the oddest nomination of the year.

9:08 Mark Ruffalo presents Best Documentary Feature. The Oscar goes to..."American Factory" (7/24).

9:12 ...and now, Best Documentary Short Subject. The Oscar goes to..."Learning to Skateboard in a Warzone (if you're a girl)"(8/24). I guess other people liked the title, as well.

9:15 Mahershala Ali presents Best Supporting Actress. The Oscar goes to...Laura Dern (9/24).

9:25 Anthony Ramos (of "Hamilton") introduces the creator of the musicals, Lin-Manuel Miranda.

9:30 Oh, man. Eminem performs "Lose Yourself".

9:36 Oscar Isaac and Salma Hayek present Sound Effects Editing. The Oscar goes to...Ford v. Ferrari (10/24). Sound Mixing goes to...1917.

9:42 Randy Newman performs "I Can't Let You Throw Yourself Away".

9:48 A musical recap of the show. Not sure who this guy is, but he's pretty good.

9:49 Will Ferrell and Julia Louis-Dreyfus present Best Cinematography. The Oscar goes to...Roger Deakins (11/24). Seriously, that's some effort for 1917.

9:54 ...and now, Best Editing. The Oscar goes to...Ford v. Ferrari (12/24).

9:57 Casting director and Academy president David Rubin and Tom Hanks telling of a museum of Hollywood memorabilia.

10:03 Zazie Beetz introduces the orchestra pit, as well as Cynthia Erivo performing "Stand Up".

10:12 James Corden and Rebel Wilson present Best Visual Effects in a weird bit of irony. The Oscar goes to...1917.

10:16 Ray Romano and Sandra Oh present Best Hair and Make-Up. The Oscar goes to...Bombshell. Huh.

10:23 Penelope Cruz narrates a montage about what movies mean to her. What's more, she is presenting Best International Feature. The Oscar goes to...Parasite (13/24).

10:27 Elton John performs "(I'm Gonna) Love Me Again".

10:36 Taika Waititi recaps the Governor's Awards and the honorary Oscars given to Wes Studi, David Lynch, Geena Davis

10:37 Gal Gadot, Sigourney Weaver and Brie Larson introduce a suite of the year's nominated scores led by a female conductor. The Oscar goes to...Joker. Well, at least it was orchestral.

10:44 ...and now, Best Original Song. The Oscar goes to..."(I'm Gonna) Love Me Again" (14/24). Smashing.

10:51 Spike Lee presents Best Director. The Oscar goes to...Bong Joon Ho. Okay, now I really got to try and see Parasite.

10:55 Steven Spielberg introduces the In Memoriam montage.

11:04 Olivia Colman presents Best Actor. The Oscar goes to...Joaquin Phoenix (15/24). Definitely the film's most deserved win.

11:10 Rami Malek presents Best Actress. The Oscar goes to...Renee Zellweger (16/24).

11:22 Jane Fonda presents Best Picture. The Oscar goes to...Parasite?! Damn.

16 out of 24. My best average yet, I think. Well, this has been a bucket of fun. Good night, all.