Summer movie preview.

It's kind of an open secret that, at my job, I attract stupid people like a ten-dollar whore attracts crabs (in both cases, more an occupational hazard than a controllable instance, but it still sucks), so I cherish those times when I don't have to be at work.

Surprisingly, I have very little to say about my vacation: celebrated my birthday, went out to breakfast, saw some movies (17 Again and Crank: High Voltage), went back to driving school, rented Outland (good movie, BTW), got a new license and ate an entire banana cream pie.

Getting back to the subject of movies, what better way to avoid the sweltering heat than in an air-conditioned movie theater?

May

X-Men Origins: Wolverine - Apparently, people have been bootlegging this movie for a month. I'd rather pay to see it. With due respect to Dr. Cox, Hugh Jackman rocks.

Ghosts of Girlfriends Past - Matthew McConaughey is Ebenezer Scrooge and Michael Douglas is Jacob Marley...or something. If anyone can lift this from the level of a Lifetime original movie, it's the director of Mean Girls, don't you think?

Star Trek - I'm no Trekkie, but the trailer looks awesome. That is all.

Next Day Air - I really like Donald Faison, Mike Epps and Mos Def. Also, pretty good trailer.

Angels and Demons - Haven't seen The Da Vinci Code and this doesn't look any more interesting. However, this film is rated PG-13, whereas DVC was rated R. Not counting the Police Academy movies, can anyone name a franchise that started out as R and got more and more kid-friendly as it went along? (I'm intentionally omitting the latest installments of Die Hard and Terminator, which were obviously edited down from R. 'Taint the same thing.)

The Brothers Bloom - Back when this was set to open last Christmas, I planned to trek to Los Angeles to see this film when it opened (It would've likely opened in my neck of the woods sometime in January and if it officially opened in one year and opens wide the next, it's stuck in the limbo of neither year, vis-a-vis whether it was one of the best I've seen for that year. Hey, my taste, my rules.), but it got pushed back, for some reason. In any event, looks good.

Terminator: Salvation - I couldn't be more apathetic toward this movie, but Danny Elfman's scoring it. It's this thinking that got my butt in a theater playing Flubber Thanksgiving weekend in '97. This one (even with it's inexplicable PG-13 rating) has to be better, right?

Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian - Liked the trailer, lots of funny people in it and Alan Silvestri's doing the music. Next question.

Dance Flick - CGIed baby aside, this trailer was a hoot. Sure the Wayanses ushered in the Scary Movie franchise (the best of which - 3 - didn't involve them at all), but they also did I'm Gonna Git You Sucka and Don't Be a Menace to South Central While Drinking Your Juice in the Hood. They'll bring the funny.

Up - This looks very charming. Here's probably where I'd say 'Just FedEx Pete Docter the Oscar', but one must consider the Coraline factor.

Drag Me to Hell - I'm sorry, but this isn't doing a thing for me. The trailer, I felt, was lacking. Not sure exactly what, but it just was.

June

Land of the Lost - Much like another adaptation of a classic TV series (Bewitched), the trailer makes it clear that it's a Will Ferrell vehicle first and a faithful rendering...twelfth.

The Hangover - ...or Dude, Where's Our Groom?. Not-bad trailer.

My Life in Ruins - Composer David Newman reunites with the director of How to Lose a Guy in Ten Days (you tell me why) for this story of My Big Fat Greek Wedding's Nia Vardalos looking for love in Greece. Huh. Go figure.

The Taking of Pelham 123 - As I've said before, and will continue to say as long as I can draw breath, there was already a good Pelham revamp in Inside Man: everyman New York cop vs. calculating, English-accented badass. Really, I can't be the only one.

Imagine That - Something about Eddie Murphy's daughter's dreams enabling him to succeed in business. Sounds better than that other Murphy movie coming out this year, A Thousand Words...but not by much.

Year One - One of the funnier trailers I've seen all year. Just try and stop me from seeing it.

Whatever Works - Woody Allen + Larry David = Jesus, why did no one think of this before?! They are playing brothers, right?

The Proposal - The chick from Speed 2 and Two if by Sea hooks up with Van Wilder. I really don't think I'm spoiling anything.

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen - If I can see it for free, as with the first one, maybe I'll check it out. Best for people who loved the first movie and those sad freaks who jizz at the mere mention of Megan Fox. Who knows? They might fall into the same grouping.

My Sister's Keeper - The story of a girl who doesn't want to have her innards harvested to save someone's else life. It's a drama. I had you going, didn't I?

July

Public Enemies - Johnny Depp as John Dillinger. Throw in an Elliot Goldenthal score and color me intrigued.

Ice Age: Dawn of the Dinosaurs - It's always nice to have a John Powell score for an animated feature, but while I liked the teaser, I'm gonna need something a bit more substantial to hold on to.

Bruno - Follow-up to Borat, which I was lukewarm on. I really don't know.

I Love You, Beth Cooper - Wow. I'm sure the book is a laugh riot and if that's the case, someone has a lot to answer for in terms of the film. The toaster oven (?) getting knocked into the wall, the CGIed killer raccoon, the rather...fey screaming of the protagonist. So much about this feels off*. (Yet another putrid-looking comedy from Fox, following Bride Wars and Miss March.) It's nice to see Alan Ruck, but seriously, this looks like Say Anything...for Dummies.

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince - Sixth film of the series. I'm not a Pothead (that's what fans of this are called, right?), so I'll be missing out.

All the Boys Love Mandy Lane - Long-delayed horror movie. Keep those fingers crossed. (Interesting note: Amber Heard, who plays Mandy, shares my birthday. Hey, it's interesting to me.)

G-Force - Iffy-looking CGI gerbils save the day. Will Arnett gotta eat, though what is up with "Don't You Wish Your Girlfriend Was Hot Like Me?" playing under scenes of the female gerbil? Did no one think that through while cutting the trailer?!

Orphan - Seriously, did Vera Farmiga learn nothing from Joshua? Still, creepy poster that could make a fantastic soundtrack cover.

The Ugly Truth - This hate-on for Katherine Heigl needs to stop. It doesn't matter what she says. Any straight guy would step over their dying mother to nail her. That said, some early reviews of this rom-com have me intrigued.

Funny People - Adam Sandler stars in a Judd Apatow movie. Not 'Adam Sandler stars in a movie that happens to be directed by Judd Apatow'. Big difference. Funny, if longish, trailer. The Bruce Willis gag was a good one.

They Came from Upstairs - Fox lays yet another egg. Ashley Tisdale, to say nothing of her adult co-stars, deserves better. [Update: it now has the more-on-the-nose title of Aliens in the Attic. Oy.]

August

G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra - Adaptation of the 80s cartoon guaranteed to be less idiotic than the Transformers franchise. Directed by...Stephen Sommers? Okay, maybe not. If nothing else, Silvestri's score should be fantastic.

Julie and Julia - Meryl Streep (as Julia Child; they couldn't get Dan Aykroyd?) and Amy Adams. Hurrah! In a film by Nora Ephron. Ehhh... (Seriously, though, I do like Mixed Nuts.)

Shorts - Another kiddie movie from Robert Rodriguez. Has some weird ideas and my muse, Kat Dennings. Could be worthwhile.

A Perfect Getaway - At this point, anything with Milla Jovovich that doesn't have her battling zombies or stolen-from-Ghost in the Machine visual effects is fine by me.

Final Destination: Death Trip 3D - 3 was a naked cashgrab if ever there was one, but it clearly worked. David Ellis (FD2, Cellular, Snakes on a Plane) directs. Still, I'm gonna need to see a trailer.

The Time Traveler's Wife - Eric Bana is the time traveler, Rachel McAdams his wife. From the director of Flightplan. Adjust expectations accordingly.

The Goods: Live Hard, Sell Hard - Jeremy Piven as a used car salesman. Sounds about right. From the co-creator of "Chappelle's Show".

Inglourious Basterds - Tarantino has - directorially, at least - yet to put a foot wrong, though the best moment in the trailer for me was undoubtedly Negative Hitler ("Nein, nein, nein, nein, nein!").

The Post Grad Survival Guide - The Gilmore Girl who was in Sin City struggles to find a foothold in the work force after graduating college. Just saw the trailer. Looks far superior to the alleged comedies Fox has been releasing this year; maybe they hired an outside firm to cut the trailer. [Apparently, it's now called Post Grad. I like ...Survival Guide better.]

H2 - Okay trailer, but maybe I should see the first movie before making a choice.

The Boat that Rocked - Amusing trailer, though I hear that this will run longer than two hours. Such a running time could easily be justified with Richard Curtis's last directing effort, Love Actually; after all, that film told several stories. One story at this length could be asking too much. Still, I like a lot of the people in it (Bill Nighy, Emma Thompson, Nick Frost, Philip Seymour Hoffman, Kenneth Branagh).

* - And, Jesus H. Christ, what is with the protagonist's object of desire going out with a psycho meathead? There is nothing in the films I've seen that satisfactorily explains why an otherwise intelligent woman would associate herself with such a dangerous character; she just does. (e.g. Wedding Crashers, Never Back Down, Alien vs. Predator: Requiem, ad nauseum...)