Mr. Cellophane

In a location adjacent to a place in a city of some significance, what comes out of my head is plastered on the walls of this blog.

Saturday, January 08, 2011

From winter to spring.

Yeah. A movie preview for the first four months of the year. Why not? (Bold - It's happening; Italics - Not on your life.)


Season of the Witch - Okay, this movie has large-scale battles, killer wolves and a guy that could be John Merrick's long-lost twin and it's getting a PG-13? How stupid does Relativity Media think I am?

The Green Hornet - Quite the unusual project for star/co-writer Seth Rogen. (Attached to this project at various points were director Stephen Chow and composer Danny Elfman...and, for a minute, imagine that version of this movie.) Still, this version, where Rogen faces off against Christoph Waltz (looking amazingly like Carmen Ghia from The Producers) looks entertaining, enough.

The Dilemma - Vince Vaughn learns that his buddy Kevin James' wife, Winona Ryder, is cheating on him. Will he tell him? Should he tell him? Really, this is a movie? Still, it is kind of nice seeing Ron Howard directing a comedy again.

The Cabin in the Woods - A group of young people encounter a lot of odd occurrences at the titular location. Because of MGM's money woes, this has pushed back many times...which is perhaps just as well; according to a script review that is, sadly, no longer online, it has the potential to be hilariously awful, or awfully hilarious, depending on which way the wind blows.

Don't Be Afraid of the Dark - A Guillermo Del Toro-produced remake of a made-for-TV horror movie. As long as the studios leave "Dark Night of the Scarecrow" alone, I have no problem with this.

No Strings Attached - Anyone who thinks that this film will ruin Natalie Portman's chances of success this award season needs to have their drool cups and diapers emptied. From Ivan Reitman (I don't understand, either) comes this story where she and Kelso just want a physical relationship. If only...

The Mechanic - A remake of a Charles Bronson film where Jason Statham mentors Ben Foster in the ways of assassination. Looks better than I thought possible from Simon West (When a Stranger Calls, Lara Croft: Tomb Raider).

The Rite - He's faced (or played) all manner of weirdness on screen: possession, evil dummies, serial killers, vampires and wolfmen. Now, Anthony Hopkins takes on the Devil. Maybe, it sounds better than it looks.


Sanctum - Based on a true story, this James Cameron-produced thriller involves deep-sea divers getting trapped in underwater caves. Creepy, but not that interesting.

The Roommate - ...or Single White Female for those too lazy to look the film up on Netflix.

Gnomeo and Juliet - Impressive voice cast notwithstanding, this stupid-looking, offensively unfunny animated film actually makes the early trailer for Despicable Me look like the pinnacle of, you know we've reached Def-Con 1.

Just Go with It - Okay, so, um, Adam Sandler plays this guy who pretends to be getting divorced to pick up chicks, but this one girl he tries to get with isn't convinced, so he gets his platonic friend, Jennifer Aniston, to be his fake soon-to-be ex-wife. Between this and The Roommate, Sony is really swinging for the fences this month, aren't they?

Cedar Rapids - Ed Helms falls under the sway of John C. Reilly at an insurance convention. One of the more promising comedies this season, I must say.

The Eagle - A medieval drama with the guy from G.I. Joe. Don't know much more than that.

Justin Bieber: Never Say Never - Seriously, eat me.

I Am Number Four - The director of Eagle Eye goes for more slam-bang action in this story of extra-terrestrials avoiding capture. Could be good.

Unknown - Liam Neeson comes out of a coma to find that someone has taken his identity and that his wife doesn't even know him. As I'm sure I mentioned before, I love stories like this. Sprinkle a bit of Taken-style action and it's a must-see.

Big Mommas: Like Father, Like Son - ...nope. That Justin Bieber thing still sounds worse.

Drive Angry 3D - Nicolas Cage escapes from Hell to avenge his daughter's murderers and give a ride to Amber Heard. Looks like a fun bit of nonsense, especially the bits with William Fichtner.

Hall Pass - Just when I was ready to give up on the Farrelly Brothers (and after The Heartbreak Kid, wouldn't you?), they go and do this. Owen Wilson and Jason Sudeikis get a break from their marriages to sew some oats. Hilarious trailer.


Rango - A chameleon who sounds a good deal like Johnny Depp ends up in an Old West town. From the director of the Pirates of the Caribbean series...and Mouse Hunt. Color me intrigued.

The Adjustment Bureau - Matt Damon learns of a secret society that maps out people's plans...and, according to them, he shouldn't be getting involved with Emily Blunt. I'm so sure. This is proving to be one of those movies I get more interested in the more I hear about it.

Battle: Los Angeles - If this ends up worse than Skyline, we have truly reached the End Times.

Red Riding Hood - The director of Twilight and that chick from the Letters to Juliet poster with the awesome legs team up for a dark reimagining of the classic story.

Mars Needs Moms - Based on a book by Berke Breathed, a young boy goes into space to rescue his mother from Martians. Another motion-capture film, but this looks closer to Monster House than The Polar Express, so it could be good.

Paul - Simon Pegg and Nick Frost (who wrote the script together) stumble across an alien. Not an Edgar Wright movie (Superbad's Greg Mottola is at the helm), but a remarkable facsimile. Can't wait.

Limitless - An experimental drug allows Bradley Cooper to open his mind and live the good life. But what of the side effects?

The Lincoln Lawyer - Matthew McConaughey, taking a relieved break from romantic comedies, is a slick lawyer that operates from his Lincoln Town Car (hence the title). I'm slightly intrigued.

Beastly - The true story of No-Heart's minion and his attempts to thwart the Care Bears. Nah. It's that "Beauty and the Beast" update I mentioned in the summer. But wouldn't that be cool?

Diary of a Wimpy Kid 2: Rodrick Rules - While I liked what I saw of the first movie on the flight home from Comic-Con, I don't know if I'll be checking this one out. However, it's nice that a sequel was produced while the actors could still believably fill the roles.

Sucker Punch - Looking for all the world like an anime come to life (which may be what Zack Snyder intended), this odd-looking yet cool-looking movie is a cult classic waiting to happen.


Source Code - Jake Gyllenhaal has eight minutes to figure out who caused a train bombing. How does that stretch into a two-hour movie? Well, it's kind of a Groundhog Day/weird experiment sort of deal. And he tries to save Michelle Monaghan (wouldn't you?).

Bad Teacher - I don't really care what this is about. It's from the writers of Year One and those retards deserve a kick to the ribs. With an aluminum bat.

Hop - Could easily be considered The Easter Clause, but hopefully better. 'From the creators of Despicable Me'. That actually fills me with some promise.

Super - Somehow, I think this would-be superhero comedy (from the star and director of Slither) will be closer to Defendor (look it up) than Kick-Ass.

Your Highness - I'm getting a real Land of the Lost vibe from this story of two knights (Danny McBride and James Franco) trying to rescue a princess...which is good; I really like that movie.

Rio - Alpha and Omega, but with birds instead of wolves and cleverness instead of crap.

Scream 4 - I'm very much rooting for this to be awesome, just so those 'Is Wes Craven still relevant?' whispers following the misfire of My Soul to Take will be put to rest.

Water for Elephants - Robert Pattinson (don't laugh) takes up with a circus during the Depression, falling for Reese Witherspoon and incurring the ire of her husband, ringmaster Christoph Waltz. Sounds like the makings of good drama to me.

Soul Surfer - From the director of Bratz and a number of "Even Stevens" episodes comes this true story of a surfer (AnnaSophia Robb) overcoming shark-themed adversity.

Arthur - A remake of the 1981 comedy, with Russell Brand in the Dudley Moore role and Helen Mirren in the John Gielgud role (Sidebar: Following The Tempest, is this a new direction for her; playing roles originally written for men?). Never saw the original, so I can't gauge how bad of an idea this could be.

Madea's Big Happy Family - Yet another Tyler Perry joint, which means talented actors and weird tonal shifts.

Born to Be a Star - Nick Swardson (that guy from every Adam Sandler movie of the last few years not named Rob Schneider) plays a guy who learns that his parents were porn stars and finds himself in the family business. Okaaaaay...

Fast Five - It sounds like a creation of The Todd from "Scrubs", but it's really one more entry in the inscrutable Fast and the Furious franchise. (P.S. It also stars Dwayne Johnson. Looks like Universal's going out with a bang...assuming, of course, this is the last entry in the series.)

Prom - About students getting ready for prom. Again, I ask, 'Really, this is a movie?'.

What's Your Number? - Anna Faris cycles through past relationships, wondering if she missed out on true love. Not that interesting, in spite of a neat cast.



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