Mr. Cellophane

In a location adjacent to a place in a city of some significance, what comes out of my head is plastered on the walls of this blog.

Sunday, January 05, 2014

Winter movie wrap-up.

Another year, another roster of movies.


Paranormal Activity: the Marked Ones - Following the passing of an old woman, a young Hispanic man finds himself targeted by supernatural forces. I guess if you live long enough, anything can happen, like the makers of a Paranormal Activity movie actually buckling down and putting some effort into their work...

Devil's Due - ...and at the other end of the spectrum. Girl gets pregnant. Weird shit goes down. The trailer begins with a guy in an interrogation room. Gee, I wonder how this will all play out.

The Legend of Hercules - The first of the year's two Hercules movies. This one comes from guilty pleasure machine Renny Harlin.

Ride Along - To be worthy of cop Ice Cube's sister, Kevin Hart goes with him on a ride along. Could be good.

Jack Ryan: Shadow Recruit - Suggested by the works of the late Tom Clancy, Chris Pine takes on the role of Jack Ryan. Directed by Kenneth Branagh, who also plays the villain.

The Nut Job - Not quite a remake of Chuck Jones' "Much Ado About Nuttin'". A squirrel plans a break-in to a nut store to replace the nuts he accidentally destroyed.

I, Frankenstein - Okay, here's what I can glean from the trailer: Aaron Eckhart, playing the handsomest Frankenstein's monster ever, tries to save humanity from gargoyle-humanoid deities or something. Oh, and Bill Nighy's in it. Looks to be the first gloriously stupid movie of the new year.

That Awkward Moment - Friends are unsure how to handle the next step in their relationships. Would that I had problems like this...


The LEGO Movie - I wouldn't have though we needed, much less had to look forward to, a movie about Lego characters, but this comes from the creators of "Clone High", so, yeah.

The Monuments Men - Like I said when this was to be released last year, 'A cross between Inglourious Basterds and Ocean's Eleven? Fascinating'. Okay, maybe I didn't say this exact sentence, but it still sounds good.

RoboCop - Not sure we needed this, but what a cast they've assembled.

About Last Night - Not Think Like a Man 1.5, but a remake of a 1986 romantic comedy that was altered from a David Mamet play. From the director of Hot Tub Time Machine and the writer of Bachelorette, so it should be pretty funny.

Vampire Academy - The brothers Waters (the writer of Heathers and the director of Mean Girls) unite for this adaptation of a graphic novel.

Endless Love - Given the reputation of the original, there's nowhere to go but up for this remake, even if it's indistinguishable from most other Pretty White Kids with Problems cinema.

Winter's Tale - Reincarnation may allow a thief to save the woman he's fallen for. As kind of a sucker for stories like this, I think it's worth a shot.

Pompeii - Tries to construct a story of political intrigue and lost love in the days before Mt. Vesuvius laid waste to all in its path. Meh.

3 Days to Kill - A dying Secret Service agent wants to spend more time with his daughter. An experimental drug could help him with that.

The Wind Rises - A look at the man who designed Japanese fighter planes for World War II. Said to be the last film of animation maestro Hayao Miyazaki.

Non-Stop - Looks like Taken meets Flightplan...and, thankfully, unlike the latter film, this doesn't want to pretend it's not an action movie.

Son of God - The Passion of the Christ minus the brutal torture scenes. I have no problem with that.

Welcome to Yesterday - Looks to be to time-travel what Chronicle was to superheroes.


The Grand Budapest Hotel - A wild assortment of characters pass through as a concierge and a bellhop become friends. Wes Anderson's latest...and what a cast.

300: Rise of an Empire - More shirtless dudes, more slow-motion carnage. Wasn't too intrigued the first time out.

Mr. Peabody and Sherman - Hey, as long as it ends with Mr. Peabody firing off a lame pun, I'll be reasonably satisfied.

Need for Speed - And just when you thought the whole 'turning video games into movies' fad was over...

Walk of Shame - Elizabeth Banks must endure a lot of shenanigans on her way to a life-changing interview.

Muppets Most Wanted - A criminal mastermind - who happens to look like Kermit - takes his place, leaving our favorite frog in the slammer. The trailer was a riot.

Divergent - All the box office is going to care about is that a) this film is neither Twilight nor The Hunger Games and b) it only got produced because of those two properties.

Veronica Mars - Kickstarter to the rescue! A film extension of the popular youth detective series.

Bad Words - When I read the script, I totally saw it as a Danny McBride vehicle, but Jason Bateman (making his feature directing debut) looks to be a fine choice.

Stretch - A limo driver must put up with a difficult billionaire. Directed by Joe Carnahan.

The Raid 2 - Who gives a flip about plot? One can only imagine the insanity that will ensue if they try to top the fight scenes in the first movie.

Noah - So Darren Aronofsky didn't want to make The Wolverine, but instead decided to make an epic about Noah and his Ark. Takes all kinds, I guess.

A Haunted House 2 - Didn't see the original, but I'm a little ashamed to admit that I laughed at the trailer for this one. Yeah.


Captain America: the Winter Soldier - This darker-looking follow-up is said to be in the vein of a political thriller. May as well get the kids interested somehow.

Rio 2 - The first film was pleasant enough, but I'm really not sure where they could go with a sequel. Still, it'll be nice to have John Powell back on the scoring stage.

Draft Day - A draft pick could turn this around for Cleveland Browns GM Kevin Costner. Yeah, I'm still a touch bitter about this.

Sabotage - A DEA squad raids cash from a drug cartel...then get killed off one-by-one. Another late-period Schwarzenegger flick that could be fun, though someone crapped the bed in not using the Beastie Boys song in the trailer.

Heaven is for Real - A young boy dies temporarily, but returns to life and the people around him try to deal when the boy expresses what he's experienced.

Transcendence - Cinematographer Wally Pfister (The Italian Job, all of Christopher Nolan's films) steps into the director's chair for this story of a scientist uploading his brain into a computer.

Bears - Disney's annual nature documentary looks at the lives of bears.

The Other Woman - Leslie Mann finds that her husband is cheating on her with Cameron Diaz...then they find that he's two-timing (three-timing?) on them with Kate Upton...then they all team up when he finds another playmate. Okay, does this shit ever happen or is it an invention of the movies? This is crazy.


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