Mr. Cellophane

In a location adjacent to a place in a city of some significance, what comes out of my head is plastered on the walls of this blog.

Saturday, February 11, 2017

"Jesus loves you, but only as a friend."

If there's one thing I love, it's reading other people's opinions on things, mainly movies and mainly on message boards. Unfortunately, due to the belief that the small percentage of racist, sexist human garbage represents everyone, the message boards at IMDb are being dismantled. For people like me who may want to seek a quick check on if anyone has this same theory that I do about a particular movie character, well tough titty toenails because the boards are gone.

I just thought it would be a good idea to archive some of my posts. Not so much the 'I agree'/'I disagree' ones, but ones where I actually had something to say.

"Krippendorf's Tribe" - Did Gerald know?
10/18/14 - 15:45:21
(see, this is the kind of discussion we should all aspire to on these boards...)
In advance, I apologize for reading too much into this ridiculous movie. 

The scene where Krippendorf pulled Gerald aside, ready to confess his misappropriation of the grant money. He starts by saying 'How long have we known each other? Twenty years.' Then Gerald tells him about the other professor who spent grant money on personal things and how he was looking at jail time. Do you think that Gerald had an inkling about Krippendorf, but, for the sake of friendship, was offering him an out by telling him about the other guy? 

"Danny Phantom" - Something that's always bugged me...
7/3/09 - 19:59:20
It's nice to see that someone else was annoyed by the lame jokes, but, to stay somewhat on topic, Guy Moon's mickey-mousing composing style was not a good fit for this show. It worked for the goofiness of "Fairly Oddparents", but a show like this needed to play the situation at hand, not serve as a musical laugh track. 

The dramatic moments needed to sound dramatic and the action scenes needed to sound exciting. When you've got the same goofy noodling for the whole thing, you've seriously stepped in it. I think that Kevin Manthei ("Invader Zim", "Xiaolin Showdown") would've done a superior job on the music. 

"The Promotion" - Finally...
1/11/09 - 06:42:54
...someone who gets it. 

I've been working in a grocery store for 5 1/2 years. To paraphrase Randal in Clerks, 'It'd be a great place to work if it wasn't for the customers'. 

Like I said earlier, I've found myself in the 'Doug has to apologize to the gang members, even though they were in the wrong' scenario a number of times. 

Also, like I said, if a person has never worked a job like this, of course the film will seem bad to them. To those people, instead of slamming this movie, count your blessings that you've never had a job like this. 

I am so sick of characters that are just beyond stupid and as an audience we're supposed to believe their crazy antics or wild hi jinx. 

Off subject, you nailed down one of my main problems with Step Brothers

"The Promotion" - If you've never worked this kind of job...
8/28/08 - 08:04:08
...of course, it's going to seem terrible. 

For someone like me, this film was amusing, sometimes uncomfortably so. 

The scene where Doug had to apologize to the gang in the parking lot even though they were being obnoxious...I've dealt with that situation several times. 

If you looked at the two stars and thought this was going to be some goofy, gross kind of comedy...well, that's pretty much your own fault. 

"Kim Possible" - What's the deal with that bonnie chick?
1/26/08 - 08:52:48
It makes me laugh when people mention Bonnie's sisters as a reason for her unpleasant behavior. Blame the nature of a one-dimensional girl on characters that are even more one-dimensional. Yeah, that makes sense. I am convinced that Bonnie made up Connie and Lonnie (Jesus, those are the best names they could come up?), just so people would feel sorry for her. You don't think she could've made them up? 

Rent Fight Club or Secret Window if you think I'm pulling this out of thin air. It can happen.

'I'm mean to people because my sisters are mean to me'. Excuse me whilst I break out the world's smallest violin. 

Mean may as well trot out the Twinkie defense.

and on 2/5/08 - 19:33:43
Kim hits a volleyball so that it hits Bonnie on the head. Given KP's skill, that was done on purpose (and she has been petty enough to do so in the past). 

In "Homecoming Upset", Bonnie was all over Ron like a cheap, uh, suit, and then there were the times where Kim managed to rescue Bonnie from some horrible fate ("Sink or Swim", "Bonding", "Queen Bebe"), and Bonnie can't even cough up so much as a 'thank you'. In what universe does she not deserve something like that? It sure as hell can't be this one.

"The Manitou" - Compared to book (spoilers...for the book)
9/22/07 - 20:05:32
I read an article in Fangoria a while back, about how William Girdler was flying to London to oversee the scoring sessions for Day of the Animals. Before he boarded, he picked up a copy of the book. When he got back, he excitedly called his office, wanting to get the rights to the book. 

The script, more or less, was taken from the book. I read through the novel myself the other day. It's certainly a good deal more serious than the film, with Karen just being a woman that Harry meets as opposed to them having a history. The story was set in New York as opposed to San Francisco and Misquamacus being much more powerful, such as being able to instill a deep sense of doubt. Also, the phrase wasn't 'pana witchi salatu', but a Dutch phrase because, IIRC, it had something to do with the Dutch colonizing Manhattan. 

While it's a good read, you just can't beat the goofily straight-faced vibe of the film.

"On Deadly Ground" - What it should have been...
1/21/06 - 14:47:14
(yeah, this ain't mine, but SoapFiction's re-write is too good not to share...)
This movie could have been great, right up there with Under Siege. Not only did this movie have one of the biggest budgets of 1994, but it was made in ALASKA. The cinematography was brilliant. The score was just right. The action scenes, pyrotechnics, and sadistic novelty deaths (gotta love the Bowie knife-in-the-skull scene) were on the level. And, judging by the success of Under Siege, no one seemed to have any real problem with Seagal's acting. So, what was wrong with it? The plot and the script, that's what. Oh, and Joan Chen. 

If Seagal had had any sense, he would have made the plot a bit more like this: 

Seagal works for an oil company based in Alaska as a man who prevents spills. After their latest incident, he begins to grow a little suspicious. At the barfight, he merely beats the crap out of the gang of lowlives, with a witty one-liner instead of a dumb rhetorical question. Behind the scenes, Michael Caine (or someone else), who is SECOND in command at the company, has been given an offer he can't refuse: make a deal with a European (prefferably Scandinavian) oil tycoon to sabotage the Alaskan pipeline (causing spills, etc.) in order to raise the demand for European oil, and get a huge sh*tload of the profits. When he realizes that Seagal is getting too close, Caine and a less-whiney John C. McGinley murder the company CEO, set Seagal up to make him look like the one responsible, and attempt to kill Seagal, all the while pitching the story that Seagal was trying to sabotage the company. 

Meanwhile, Seagal is rescued by Eskimoes and townspeople, finds out what is going on, and decides to take action (this means no ridiculous spiritual journey- he just beefs up and gets ready to kill, kill, KILL!). He finds out that the Scandinavian oil tycoon (played by either Jon Voight of Chris Walken) and Michael Caine are planning to cause a spill in the company's biggest rig. He gathers a sh*tload of guns, takes out R. Lee Ermey's mercenaries (which one was Billy Bob Thorton?), and proceeds to kill dozens of bad guys with his G36 before coming to the flammable zone (no guns allowed) and beating the sh*t out of everyone who comes near him. That is, until Jet Li (playing an Eskimoe working for the bad guys!) proceeds to kick the living bejeezus out of Seagal. The fight ends, however, when a battered and bruised Seagal is able to finally kill Li, using the combination of a nearby spraying oil leak and a blow torch (ouch). Seagal then dispatches McGinley with the helo blade, and watches as that annoying woman crashes her SUV and goes up in flames. At the very end, Seagal merely throws Caine into an oil vat, and then proceeds to break the European tycoon in two, including eye-gouging, limb-snapping, forcing oil into his lungs, and topped off with dropping a lighter down the mans' throat. And so, the spill is stopped, and Seagal merely watches while the cleanup begins, saying no more than that companies should merely be more careful how they handle things (no preaching). He then spots a punk pissing in the river, and goes to beat the sh*t out of him. 

Now, THAT would have made money. 

"What does it take to change the inner essence of man?" 

A better script, for one thing.

"Robert Dawson" - Title Designer
3/15/06 - 09:10:04
Pretty much anything he's done for Tim Burton is tops in my book. Ed Wood and Mars Attacks! are excellent, and I once considered Planet of the Apes his most outstanding work...then I saw his titles for Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.

Surprised that I got a reply for a generic post, but...

from KrisKasper:
4/8/12 - 05:13:40
I love your comment about Planet of the Apes. Robert has been a mentor, roll model, and friend to me for many years. The first opportunity I was given to edit a title sequence was Planet of the Apes. I was a vfx editor at Asylum, the post house he chose to work with for many years. Just before Planet of the Apes, I was asked to cut his reel for him. I was young, and thrilled Nathan McGuinness (the owner of Asylum) gave me the opportunity. I worked hard to impress Robert and Nathan. The next thing you know Robert chose me to edit The Planet of the Apes title sequence. It was my first work as a creative editor ( not a assistant or vfx editor). He pushed me to do my very best work and I worked harder then I had ever before. Since then I have had the opportunity to edit for and learn from both Robert and Nathan. I think I am a pretty lucky guy!

"Blue Thunder" - Would a Blue Thunder remake fly?
2/19/06 - 18:43:24
Nope. That would be utterly stupid and completely contradict the character he played. Frank Murphy was an excellent pilot, but plagued with problems that would never fly with the higher ups. A captain is more a political position... politically, he's not a good choice given his emotional issues, disregard for authority, and criminal record (which I'm sure he got after his actions in the first film). I'm sure he did OK in the public eye after the information was released, but there's no way he escaped some criminal charges after stealing and destroying Blue Thunder, destroying an F-16 and Cochrane's Hughes 500 (along with killing Cochrane), etc. They may have been lenient, but Murphy's days as a cop were very likely over.  (originally posted by 'insane_larry')

You make a lot of good points in your post, but this one is, perhaps, best of all. This is one of those conclusions you don't see very often: the hero wins, but at great personal and professional cost. It could even be argued that the hero doesn't truly win. 

And I agree that Blue Thunder should not be remade. They'd ruin it with too much CGI, among other things. 

"Roger Neill" - 'The Weekenders'
12/26/05 - 19:18:04
Just wanted to say that I loved Neill's underscoring for this, one of Disney's best shows. Catchy and very appropriate for the series. Pity it was never released.

I include this post because of the reply I got:

from gutter-5:
3/8/06 - 05:43:28
Dear choyt19 - Thank you for your nice note about my music for The Weekenders. That was a fun show to work on, with a very nice group of creative people. I recorded the scores with some of the best rock session musicians in Los Angeles: drummer Gregg Bissonette, guitarists Laurence Juber (from Wings) & John Goux, B-3 organ player Jim Cox, and many others. I'm glad you liked it. RN

Who knows if the boards will ever come back? To this end, whenever I have a random question about a movie or TV show in the future, I'll just ask it here, along with the following tag. Here's hoping someone makes the right choice.

BTW, the post title was my signature. Funny, right?



Post a Comment

Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]

<< Home