Walking and sweating in Toronto.

Yes, friends. I did it again. A couple of days at Fan Expo Canada with a top-off at CNE. However, this year's trip almost didn't happen. Let's go back a bit. How far? Damned if I know, but it was definitely in the late spring.

I'm just living my life, minding my own business when guest announcements start to roll in for this year's Fan Expo Canada. So far, so good. Then, one day, a bombshell: Patrick Warburton. Steve Barkin, The Tick, Joe Swanson, David Puddy. Kronk! I went on a spree. Planning a schedule, searching for Airbnbs, finding a means of transportation. This trip was happening, come hell or high water.

Every so often, though, schedules change and professional commitments upend previous plans. Sadly, this is just what happens. No Patrick Warburton at Fan Expo Canada. Do I call the whole thing off? After all the time and effort I expended making this safari happen? Fuck no.

But still, get a load of the guests that were going to be there: Zachary Levi, Bruce Campbell, Brendan Fraser, Steven Seagal (okay, kind of an eyebrow-raiser, I'll admit, but still), Karl Urban, Mia Farrow. And that's not even getting into some of the names that were going to be featured Sunday (but more on that later). Not everyone was as enthused about this: at one point, someone on Facebook snidely commented something to the effect of 'it's very I love the 80s and 90s' and I'm thinking, "Motherfucker, do you not know how conventions work?!"

There were the expected hiccups. I had to go to three different bank branches to get the necessary funds transferred to Canadian cash. Even with all this running around, it was still preferable to last year's money transfer trek. What's more, the Airbnb I stayed at last year was already booked for the weekend, though, thankfully, the place I settled on was closer to my desired venues.

Originally, I had planned to travel to Toronto by driving up to a train station in Niagara Falls, then taking the train into Toronto. These trains operate on weekdays, so I felt I could get there on Friday and get back on Monday. This aspect of the trip was entertained so long ago, I've forgotten exactly why I decided instead on a Megabus (the benefits of old age).

Friday

With my bags packed, I made the trip to the airport. The shuttle bus was almost about to arrive at the time I parked. I lugged my bags toward the bus and rode it to the Megabus stop. Now, I had honestly assumed that the Megabus stop would be in the airport, allowing me to pick up some snacks (supplementing the bag of Combos I'd already purchased). Instead, the stop was just outside the airport.

As I was a good deal early for the scheduled departure time, I figured, I may as well kill some time messing around on my phone. Ah, but this year, I had a secret weapon: a shiny new iPhone that allowed me messaging and internet access in Canada.

I was having so much fun, I almost failed to realize that the bus was late. Now, I was lucky that there weren't too many panels of interest going on while I was traveling to Toronto, but I was still concerned. Roughly half an hour after the advertised time, the bus arrived, having finished a previous trip.

The people arriving at the airport deboarded, allowing me and my fellow travelers to get on. However, there were still a pair of stops to make before the trip could truly begin. The first was at the downtown bus station. The second was at the border, where we could get the rudimentary 'why are you visiting Canada?' spiel.

It's about ten when the journey to Canada can begin in earnest. I plan on sleeping most of the way, but the allure of the phone and watching the scenery are just too tempting. Sadly, I don't have anything to drink, marring the trip. (Mild rant: recently, the Noco gas stations have been taken over by Speedway. One would think I could've picked something up from there, but they now charge $1.49 for Lipton Teas. Fuck that and fuck them.)

Around a quarter to noon, the bus arrives in Toronto and myself and my fellow passengers deboard. I hit up a convenience store and pick up a Pepsi and a bag of chips (for reasons I'll soon get into). Now, before the trip, I decided to walk everywhere in order to burn off some calories. Given how tired I am when I finally get to my Airbnb, in the blazing sun over (according to Google Maps) 2.7 kilometers (or 1.6 miles), I realize what bullshit that plan was.

I was told by my host that the key would be in the lockbox in the mailbox. I struggle with it for a while until I look up 'how to open a lockbox' on my phone. I'm in.

The house looks quite nice, if a little quiet, which is weird given that the host said he'd have been there around his lunch break to set things up. (My phone allowed me to keep him abreast of my travel situation as it was happening.)

In any event, I needed to get to Fan Expo. I use the bathroom, take a few minutes to sit down and change my clothes. The bed is comfortable, though the lack of my own television is unfortunate. As I head out, the door just off the bathroom opens. My host seems to have just woken up from a nap and engages me in conversation about a YouTube channel reviewing comic books, taking notice of my Avengers shirt.

Somewhat refreshed, I head up Euclid Avenue and wait for the 501 bus on Dundas. Unfortunately, the bus costs $3.25 and the smallest I have is a 5. I somehow get the driver to take pity on me, which earns me a ride but also sets an undercurrent of jinxing that haunts me throughout the trip.

Despite my earlier complaining, I walk down Spadina while looking for a Shoppers Drug Mart. However, not all of them sell Lipton Tea for 99 cents (and why don't all stores sell the same products?!).

After a good deal more walking, I make it to Fan Expo Canada. Now, I figure I could make my way in faster by taking the entrance to the South Building. It is here that I learned the answer to that question I asked back in 2014.

I allow my bag to be checked and I make my way in for registration (as well as allowing myself to get talked into paying five bucks for a lanyard for my badge, though it does look nice).

Not much time to be wowed by the spectacle and cosplay like I planned, for I need to haul ass across the property for the Q&A with Raven and Beast Boy Themselves, Tara Strong and Greg Cipes.

The two of them had a weird but fun chemistry, underlined by the relationship that she carried on with his dog. One thing that stood out for me was Cipes getting in trouble with Nickelodeon for "Teen Titans Go!'s" parody of "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles" (on which he voiced Michelangelo), but no one said anything about Strong taking part in a "My Little Pony" take-off on "Robot Chicken". I guess Hasbro is more permissive.

There's another panel I want to go to and figuring that it's more practical to stay in the immediate vicinity than go elsewhere, I grab a slice from Pizza Pizza. I settle back near an outlet to charge my phone and I chow down, dipping the slice in the Chipotle Ranch sauce I kept from a few days earlier from Ted's.

The next panel is The Nerdy Show Presents: Reboots!. Now, I've never heard of these guys (they're like a podcast or something?), but let this be a lesson about the importance of taking a chance. This panel was hysterical. The guys took the piss out of reboots and each other. Immensely entertaining.

Then, it was off to the show floor where most of the comics seemed to be housed. (The show floor in the North Building was for various other vendors, but we'll get back to that.)

My curiosity in finding new comics led me to "Phonogram", "Imaginary Friends" and "Starfire: Vol.1", all of which I have yet to crack into, but I have a good feeling about them.

This was pretty much the highlight of my time, mostly spent walking around and people-watching. Didn't take as many pictures as last year, but among the day's cosplay was Hela and gender-flips of Loki and Thor; Kim Possible; and Starfire and Raven. Most of my pictures were of odds and ends of various booths, as well as a shirt of Skeletor humiliating He-Man. I dare not spoil how, though.

BMV Books has a section set up with a number of graphic novels on sale: 5 for $40, I believe. I flip through the long boxes along with several others. My search yields "Starfire: Vol. 2",  "DC Bombshells", "Resurrection Man",  "Adventures of Supergirl" and "Wonder Woman '77 Vol. 1". There's nothing like a good sale.

6:00 rolled around, taking me to the Script Writers' Room. The details have faded from memory, which is just as well. There's nothing like being told a) shit I already knew about the craft and b) my stuff may not even ever be produced. All told, I'd have been better off going to the 'Spotlight on Gail Simone'.

I had planned to have some Chinese food (mainly by walking around Chinatown and if I saw a cute girl going into or out of a restaurant, that's where I'd eat), but I generally gave up on that. There were cute girls around, but perhaps that's what may have doomed my plan.

No dinner in me, I went back to my Airbnb, the rest of my bag of Combos my only sustenance (and that my host actually offered to invite me out for dinner with him shows how closed off I am).

This month saw me working on a Letterboxd Scavenger Hunt and, thankfully, there were a number of movies on my list that were available on YouTube. Tonight's feature: The God of Cookery (Task #15: A movie about food). Given my reaction to Stephen Chow's ironically-titled King of Comedy, I was wary of revisiting this. Thankfully, it's heavier on cartoony gags than grossout humor (though the pig crap bit still makes me giggle).

Not much more to say except for me wasting time on the computer as a substitute for not having a television.

Saturday

Another Saturday morning, another couple of hours on the internet numbing my brain. During this time, I get a shower in. Given last year, the decision to bring my own bar of soap turns out to be a smart one. However, there's no towel, so I'm forced to knock on my host's door. After a few minutes, he helps me with the problem.

It's when I get into the shower that a new one rears its head: no safety in the tub. I slip on the water or the slippery cleaning supplies, in a house in Toronto, where no one knows where I am. It'd take a good week before anyone I care about knows I'm supposed to be mourned. Therefore, everything but the soles of my feet get a good wash.

I head up for the bus stop, realizing that I'm in need of fluid to keep me from collapsing while walking around. There's a 7-Eleven near the bus stop (weirdly enough, it's the same one I gassed up at on my 2017 trip; I couldn't help but point out the combination nail salon/hostel just up the street I stayed at every time I passed it).

One of my New Years' resolutions was to stay out of 7-Elevens given a particularly traumatic inventory experience last year...but it was the closest place to buy something to drink and surely, this resolution could merely apply to locations in the United States?

Especially since I knew nothing of how the sausage was made in Canadian locations and this one (staffed by a pair of affable South Asian gents) had a sale of three cans for $3.33.

As I waited for the bus, I poured two of the cans in the empty tea bottle I had from yesterday with one for later on. I guess I hadn't loaded up fast enough (or too fast; I spilled some), because the bus passed me by before I could finish. No worries. I dump the empty cans in a recycling kiosk and wait for the next one.

For just about any trip, I plan to eat at any number of restaurants. I kept dangling several possibilities over my head for breakfast, but (as I don't live here...yet) why bother with all that when What a Bagel has been so good to me in the past?

I decide on the Buttermilk Pancakes. While fitfully enjoyable, they are a bit too fluffy and the syrup is a bit more natural (read: thinner) than I'm used to. (I guess I've just been spoiled by American places like Denny's and IHOP when I find a menu - and a lot of Canadian places fit this bill - that offers sweet items and savory items, but not together...without spending a lot extra.) Anyway, onto Fan Expo.

The schedule for Fan Expo Canada this year was a lot like the house in the remake of Thir13en Ghosts: constantly shifting and unleashing hell for most and salvation for few. Remember this for later, kids.

Figuring that the line for (to me) the first big panel of the day would be cuckoo bananas, I waste no time post-badge registration. Sure enough, there's a ton of people waiting. I could busy myself by messing around on my phone, but instead, I whip out Intrada's release of The Mummy and play that (one of several themed soundtracks I bring on the trip, along with The Goonies, The Punisher and RoboCop). 

In a weird bit of serendipity, the line starts to really move at about the time the choir in "The Caravan" hits its stride. One of those unspoken bits of weirdness it's best not to question.

It's not long before I find a pretty good seat for the Q&A with Hollywood Star Brendan Fraser. He talks a bit about his current project, "Doom Patrol", but he also gets into his movie career; certainly the likes of The Mummy, but also Mrs. Winterbourne and Blast from the Past. (Lacking the nerve, I don't go to ask a question - 'which of your wishes from Bedazzled was your favorite?'). Before I go, I get a picture of a girl dressed as fancy dress Evie. (Alas, librarian Evie - yes, she was there, too - slips through my fingers.)

It's around this time that I need to get some lunch. Of course, Gotham Poutine from Gotham Grill. It's a good thing I only get this once a year, because if I got it more often than that, I'd probably be dead. Maybe, it's the meal or my old age, but it takes me a while to get up from my seat to see more of the Expo.

Eventually, I'm vertical again and I walk the show floor. A number of the celebrities are at their booths, but - as ever - I don't wait in line for them. I walk by the vacant booths. I notice a still from Fatal Instinct at Sean Young's table. Damn, how cool would it have been to hear her thoughts on that movie, good or bad?

There's more walking to do, crisscrossing through the vendors to check them all out. In the midst of this, some neat cosplay I captured: Babs Bunny; Maleficent and Princess Deadpool; the Belcher family; a (then) out-of-work Spider-Man; Cheryl Blossom; and Dr. Evil.

I head down to an even longer line. No big surprise considering that it's the Celebrity Q&A with Shazam Himself, Zachary Levi. A great deal of fun, from working with the Chipmunks to explaining why he'd make a lousy Flynn Rider for the inevitable Tangled remake.

Amazingly enough, all of my panels for the day are in the same room and they clear the room for each panel, so I wasn't able to stay in my seat the whole time. Ultimately, I was able to get back in for the Live Voice Actor Script Reading!!!. It deviated from past panels in two very distinct ways: a) there were but three VAs on the dais: Carlos Alazraqui, Eric Bauza and Laraine Newman and b) instead of one movie script, they read scenes from different movies. Some random thoughts:

• Impressive though they were, Alazraqui and Bauza's dueling Trumps pissed all over the 'escaping reality' feeling I wanted to have at Fan Expo.
• Having Newman's Baby Doll narrate the 'first meeting with Hannibal Lecter' scene from The Silence of the Lambs reminded me of how the character was one of the bigger casualties of the WB redesign spree for "The New Batman Adventures".
• Couldn't get any pics of the panelists as my phone needed charging.
• Bauza's Bugs Bunny left me thinking, 'I hope he gets the call for Space Jam 2'.

Following this, I had planned to go to the 'Laraine Newman Q&A', but - given the constant shifting of the schedule, a giant red flag that maybe I should make this my last Fan Expo - her panel was actually yesterday at 1:30p. Again, things that could've been brought to my attention yesterday!!

Bright side, more time to spend on getting souvenirs for the fam. One of them makes for a fantastic birthday present. After that, I take one last look around before leaving. Hey, it's this or staying for the advanced screening of The Fanatic. Given everything I've heard about the film since, the screening would've - even more than Rifftrax - been the closest anyone would get to kicking back in the screening room of the Satellite of Love with Crow, Servo and Joel (or Mike, if you prefer).

Desperate for something to eat, I walk around, ultimately settling on The Belly Buster. Let me tell you, this is truth in advertising. I did my best to power through the tuna sub. It was good, don't get me wrong, but there was so much of it. (The guy making the sub even noted that there were only supposed to be three scoops of tuna instead of the four he gave me.)

Tonight's feature: The Lodger (Task #13: An Alfred Hitchcock movie). Interesting as an early example of the 'wrongfully accused man' trope that the Master would return to time and again. Neat score by Ashley Irwin that I hope gets a release.

Of course, I also make time for a YouTube suite of Svengoolie features, this time from Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein.

It's a bit later on that I hear the television on downstairs. The music immediately tells me that the residents are watching Solo: a Star Wars Story. I'm not quite up to going down and introducing myself, especially as I want to get some sleep, so I fall back into my slumber. Seriously, staying at a place like this would make the basis for a good thriller.

Sunday

Despite the risk of slipping in the tub, I take another shower. Hey. Take some risks, right.

This day at the Fan Expo Canada may be, arguably the most star-packed of all, with panels for Jeff Goldblum, Mikey, Data and Mouth of The Goonies, Peter Weller, and John Travolta who (following the previous night's screening of The Fanatic) must have balls as big as church bells to have shown his face there. Despite my set plans, I still flipped a coin to see if I would get a ticket at the door and maybe have some fun there. The coin had other plans.

Following the inevitable bout of net surfing, I head out for breakfast. I don't want to get anything too big, so What a Bagel is out. A couple buildings down, I see Le Gourmand. I stop in and, despite how deeply aware I am that I don't belong here, I get a chocolate chip cookie for breakfast. Very good. Really wish I had gotten more for the near-future.

One of the things I planned for this trip was taking a journey to the city's many music stores. Surely, one of them (within reasonable distance of my Airbnb) would have what I wanted. Soundscapes and She Said Boom were big disappointments, specializing more in records and books than CDs. (By now, I should mention that public transportation became my best friend on this trip. The efficiency of TTC vehicles - one every five minutes - is truly mind-blowing.)

Heading up College to Bathurst, I catch the trolley to Exhibition Place for this year's CNE. Smartly, learning from last year, I ride the trolley all the way to the end, taking me right onto the property. Some of the lines to get in are pretty long, so myself and others are pointed to shorter lines to get inside.

I guess this is tradition now, because I make my way to the Food Building for some Hot Bunzz, returning to their selection of Surf and Turf. It took a lot of walking before I found a table. It was one of the standing ones, but hey, it's better than nothing.

Earlier, I found out that today was the last day of the cat show at Cafe Soleil. I love cats, so... Still, the building the show was in was a long way away and the sun was pretty unforgiving.

On the way to the cat show was a selection of food trucks. Some of them intrigued me more than others. Still, the Loaded Baked Po-Taters from Get Your Own Taters was something to celebrate.

I get to the cat show and...well, the cats didn't seem particularly excited to be there. I probably wouldn't have been if I were them. The Warehouse Outlet was like a bigger version of the Arts and Crafts Pavilion, but - certainly in this case - bigger wasn't necessarily better.

After finishing off my lunch, I was interested in a ride. Not the Sky Ride; there's no way I'm risking losing a phone like this. I was more taken with the bumper cars. Admittedly, I was somewhat logy and delirious as I walked around, but I was determined. Unfortunately, the cost of the ride was six tickets and there wasn't an even price to pay for them, which is to say that they had the price for four tickets posted, and the next highest number was twelve and I didn't really feel like spending tickets on other rides.

One would think that a walk through the Arts, Crafts and Hobbies Pavilion would salve this disappointment and it was just as eclectic as ever. Sadly, the guy who sold rare movies on DVD was gone, which cast something of a pall.

Then it was back to the Food Building and still more walking. More than likely because I was full, nothing attracted me too much. Having had my fill, I head for the streetcar and go back up Bathurst...all the way to the end of the route. I get the sense that I may have to pay a fare that my transfer won't quit cover, so I hurry out of there. I guess this means no Rec Room. Maybe next year.

I had heard about BMV Books thanks to its set-up at Fan Expo Canada, as well as consulting the website torontomusicstores.com, though I wasn't expecting too much given how my soundtrack hunting had already gone. I already stopped by the Queen Street West location and, despite a wide assortment of books, I wasn't seeing anything to do with music.

Then, I stopped by the Bloor Street West location and was made aware that the store had three floors. The music was all downstairs...and while the soundtrack selection wasn't quite Amoeba Music expansive (though, really, what could be?), I still made off with Korngold's Anthony Adverse, Doyle's A Little Princess and (for nostalgia reasons) the pick of the litter: Knopfler's Local Hero. (I consoled myself at missing the other store's selection with a bit from Tiny Toons: How I Spent My Vacation: "There's that much more to look forward to next time.")

Feeling (rather ignorantly, in retrospect) that Craig's Cookies is way out of my reach without a car, I decide to satisfy my sweet tooth with the selection at The Night Baker. At least, that's the plan in my head. I get in there and the actual selection is...not very appealing. Pistachios? Key Lime? What's the hippie shit? I want my chocolate chips!

Even with the major league feasting I did at CNE, I figure that I'll still be hungry enough for dinner. To that end, I pick up a cheeseburger, onion rings and a root beer from A&W. (Roughly my aim when dining in Toronto is to avoid stuff I can find back home, but goddamnit, sometimes you just want something to eat, even when it's familiar.)

Another couple buses later, I'm back to my Airbnb where I feast like a king...and manage to finish off the last of the dipping sauce.

Tonight's feature: Jack and the Beanstalk (Task #20: A movie where weird shit happens). Some nice animation, but a confused story and terrible songs mark this a misfire, though there are people who like this, mainly because they liked it when they were kids with no taste.

I mess around on the internet some more before I go to bed, the occasional creaking setting me on edge.

Monday

Not wanting to risk slipping in the tub and hurting myself, I bypass the shower. However, given how much sweat my body would be drenched in by the time I got back home, I don't think it would've much mattered.

Just after I make damn sure that everything of mine is packed, but not before finally leaving, I flip through one of the books on the shelf. It's from TIFF a few years ago, each page spotlighting one of the movies playing at that year's festival. I swear to myself that I will end up in this book one day.

I head out, leaving the key in the room and wishing goodbye to the roommates that aren't there. Maybe, they never really were.

One last trip to the nearby 7-Eleven yielded three cans of soda, because while I may have entered Canada parched, I was damn sure leaving properly hydrated.

The bus down Dundas led to the trolley down Spadina for breakfast at What a Bagel. Maybe, this shouldn't be a tradition, but Huevos Rancheros, home fries and apple juice made for a good meal.

Afterwards, I just had to do something important. Something I was dreaming of for years. I was going to get a Turkey Bacon Guacamole sub from Quiznos and sneak it over the border.

Despite my transfer for the day, I find myself walking toward the Yonge St location, the map on my phone pushing me along. Sweat dripped down my face and my legs were screaming for mercy, but I was going to make it.

Lugging my backpack Ishmael and my rolling suitcase Queegqueg didn't make the journey easier, but I carried on. My Megabus was set to leave at 12 and the quest ate up a good portion of the 11 hour. If only I didn't have eggs, tomatoes, tortilla and avocado weighing me down.

Ultimately, I made it to Yonge Street, just as the clock was reaching the 'half-past' mark. My salvation was several blocks away. Drenched in sweat and exhausted beyond reason, I drew closer and closer.

What did I find? The Quiznos was located inside an office building. Me, in my street clothes and sweaty...how would that look? I had been defeated. The turkey bacon guacamole sub was gone for good.

Fuck it. May as well try to make my bus. Bay Street is still quite far away and there aren't any buses running from where I am. So convenient. The walking and sweating are ready to make me collapse. (Funnily enough, I find that I could've had a more comfortable journey if I had gone up to Dundas right after breakfast and taken the bus toward Bay.)

On the way to the train station, I dump my loose change on a homeless musician who probably needed it more than I did. With ten minutes before the scheduled departure time, I make it to the station, load up my suitcase and settle into a seat on the upper level, thankful to get some relaxation today.

The bus heads down the 403, smooth sailing the whole way. I probably should spend this time sleeping, but the siren song of my phone is far too alluring. It's only when I get back to America that the trip hits a few bumps. Waiting forever at the customs office, the woman bitching about the lack of air when the bus was stopped, the sudden stop that caused my phone to fly out of my hand.

Following a drop-off downtown, I get back to the airport where it takes a good half-hour for the shuttle to take me back to my car. Kind of an inauspicious end to this trip.

So...do I want to go back to Toronto? Well, I finally took full advantage of the city's amazing public transport, so it really depends on the Airbnb. A less creepy place (with my own television) would do quite well. Even so (cuisine and convention guests aside), there's very little I can get in Toronto that I can't get at home and cheaper so...what can I tell you?