Well, dog my cats. I figured out how to work from home. It took a lot of doing, but thanks to persistence (and the presence of Microsoft Edge on my dear old mom's computer), it was a snap.

For the next two weeks (the contract for the job ends on the 18th...presumably; it's possible I could be kept on beyond that, but nothing is concrete, even with this virus), I won't have to leave the house except for groceries and to satisfy food cravings. Living the dream.