"This is just like that time..."

Yeah. I couldn't think of anything else. Sue me.

8:30 "The quest to make Tommy Lee Jones laugh begins now."

8:35 Here's Captain Kirk.

8:38 Loving the "We Saw Your Boobs" number.

8:39 Charlize Theron and Channing Tatum cutting a rug.

8:40 Flight re-enacted with sock puppets. Hilarious.

8:42 "High Hopes" performed by Seth, Harry Potter and the Looper. Pretty good.

8:45 Seth hits on Sally Field...and it works. Weird.

8:46 "Be Our Guest" re-written for the show. Looks like the show is going to start...

8:49 ...with Supporting Actor. The Oscar goes to...Christoph Waltz (1/24)! I'm guessing he's gonna be in a lot more Tarantino movies.

8:56 Paul Rudd and Melissa McCarthy doing voice exercises and it's going on a bit long (did Apatow write this bit?). The Oscar for Best Animated Short Subject goes to..."Paperman" (2/24).

8:59 The Oscar for Best Animated Feature goes to...Brave. Not my top pick, but still, suck it, haters!

9:01 Reese Witherspoon introduces the first three Best Picture nominees.

9:05 The Avengers on stage...most of them, anyway. Looks like Thor and Black Widow were busy. The Oscar for Best Cinematography goes to...Claudio Miranda for Life of Pi. Okay, who's the fucking jinx?! And check out Miranda's hair.

9:08 The Visual Effects Oscar goes to...Life of Pi (3/24). Like I said, the animal effects looked impressive.

9:11 The Jaws theme is the play-off music. Gold!

9:17 The Costume Design Oscar goes to...Jacqueline Durran for Anna Karenina. I should've figured: period piece trumps musical.

9:19 The Oscar for Make-up and Hairstyling (when did they add that?) goes to...Les Miserables (4/24).

9:22 Halle Berry introduces a tribute to Bond.

9:25 Not sure I like the key, but hey, Shirley Bassey is singing "Goldfinger"!

9:32 The Oscar for Best Live Action Short goes to..."Curfew". I was not expecting this.

9:35 The Oscar for Best Documentary Short goes to..."Inocente".

9:38 Liam Neeson introduces the next three Best Picture nominees.

9:44 The Oscar for Best Documentary Feature goes to..."Searching for Sugar Man".

9:50 The Oscar for Best Foreign Film goes to...Amour (5/24). Yep...wait. The guy who did Funny Games is now an Oscar-winner. Merde.

9:55 Catherine Zeta-Jones reprises her Oscar-winning turn as Velma Kelly, performing "All That Jazz" from Chicago. The film didn't deserve Best Picture, but damn, those numbers were electric.

10:00 Jennifer Hudson and "I Am Telling You" from Dreamgirls. No wonder she won.

10:04 An impressive cast performance from Les Miserables.

10:08 Chris Pine and Zoe Saldana (to Goldsmith's Star Trek fanfare; awesome!) mention the separate ceremony for scientific and technical awards.

10:10 Mark Wahlberg and Ted (yes, from the movie). Pretty funny.

10:12 The Sound Mixing Oscar goes to...Les Miserables.

10:16 The Sound Effects Editing Oscar goes to...Zero Dark Thirty and Skyfall (6/24). The first tie since Barbra Streisand and Katharine Hepburn for Best Actress.

10:19 The Von Trapps are gone!

10:21 Christopher Plummer presenting Best Supporting Actress. (Quite a good sport; I don't think he likes Sound of Music.) The Oscar goes to...Anne Hathaway (7/24)! Okay, is it cold in the auditorium or is that how her dress was designed?

10:31 Sandra Bullock presents Best Editing. The Oscar goes to...William Goldenberg for Argo (8/24)! Splendid.

10:35 Adele performs "Skyfall". My opnion has gone from 'meh' to 'it's okay'.

10:44 Nicole Kidman (to "Scene d'Amour" from Vertigo!) introduces the last three Best Picture nominees.

10:47 The Oscar from Production Design goes to...Lincoln? Huh.

10:50 Salma Hayek (Murder on the Orient Express) introduces a segment on the Governor's Ball.

10:57 George Clooney introduces the In Memoriam segment (Out of Africa). Have they ever come back from a commercial and done this. Usually, this precedes a commercial break.

11:01 A nice segue from Marvin Hamlisch to Barbra Streisand singing "The Way We Were".

11:07 The cast of Chicago (minus John C. Reilly) present Original Score. The Oscar goes to...Mychael Danna for Life of Pi.

11:17 The Oscar for Original Song goes to..."Skyfall".

11:23 The Oscar for Adapted Screenplay goes to...Chris Terrio for Argo (9/24)!

11:27 The Oscar for Original Screenplay goes to...Quentin Tarantino for Django Unchained (10/24)! This is just the sort of justice that will inspire me in my own writing.

11:32 Hollywood scions Jane Fonda and Michael Douglas present Best Director. The Oscar goes to...Ang Lee for Life of Pi. Do I smell upset?

11:40 Jean Dujardin presents Best Actress. The Oscar goes to...Jennifer Lawrence for Silver Linings Playbook (11/24). A long way from "The Bill Engvall Show".

11:47 Meryl Streep presents Best Actor. The Oscar goes to...Daniel Day-Lewis for Lincoln (12/24).

11:54 Jack Nicholson (with an assist from Michelle Obama) presents Best Picture. The Oscar goes to...Argo (13/24)! Fantastic.

Well, this was a pretty good ceremony. So, same time next year?