Back to 'New York'.

Nope, I'm not returning to New York City (and certainly not for New York Comic Con, where I could've met, among others, Christopher Lloyd and Carrie Fisher), but the Simpsons are in tonight's season premiere airing roughly twelve hours from now...or exactly twelve hours from now. I mean, this is Fox Network in the midst of football season. Dig this:

The family travels to New York in search of Bart's long-lost love.

The whole 'long-lost love that we've never seen or heard about before tonight' aspect aside - two things: a) If people must put Bart with someone out of the many girls he's been involved with, I've always preferred Laura Powers ("New Kid on the Block") and b) how is it that this punk is pulling down more ass than people three times as old?! - I'm not too keen on the Simpsons going (back) to New York City. I can spot a slow day in an animation writers' room at twenty paces (cf. about a sixth of "Kim Possible's" entire run) and this reeks of 'Let's get this shit knocked out. The Chinese food is almost here!".

I'm not one of those knee-jerk jerkoffs that pooh-poohs every remake that Hollywood pukes out (matter of fact, two of my favorite movies from last year - Fright Night and Footloose - were remakes), but really, fuck this shit.

Tonight's premiere a remake? Of what? Let me point you in the direction of a little classic called "The City of New York vs. Homer Simpson". The family travels to the Big Apple, despite Homer's (somewhat justified) protestations (and how much you wanna bet that those will be forgotten about in tonight's episode?).

Ten things I love about "The City of New York vs. Homer Simpson" (recalled from memory):

10. The ending. There's nothing quite like hearing Sinatra's "New York, New York" over a shot of Homer driving behind an open garbage truck.

9. "Look at all those shoes." "If only I didn't already have a pair of shoes." "Speaking of shoes, I don't care about shoes." Amen.

8. Bart taking a trip to Mad Magazine. This bit packs a lot of funny in a mere 60 seconds, from everyone else on Bart's elevator going to a methadone clinic to the sassy secretary ("No, we're Mademoiselle. We're getting our logo on the installment plan.") to the reveal of Mad's inner workings.

7. Homer's flashback to 70s New York. How many of us regular folk can say that they had an encounter with the Woody Allen?

6. Barney having to be the designated driver, if only for the dancing bowl of peanuts when Duffman and company arrive on the scene.

5. It's kind of nice to see the Twin Towers, even if "they put all the jerks in tower one."

4. "You will be assessed the fine, plus a small--" "Large lateness penalty." "Your parking officer's name is Steve--" "Grabowsky."

3. Homer's escape from the city. From trying to drive with a boot on his car, to (especially) "Everything is Beautiful" playing on the radio, Murphy's Law was on fire.

2. The Khlav Kalash vendor. The man knows how to push product and Homer's interactions with him are a riot. ("Now, what do you have to wash that awful taste out of my mouth?")

1. The "I'm Checkin' In" musical number. A delightful tune and, all these years later, I could swear that the celeb en route to the Betty Ford Center was supposed to be Robert Downey, Jr. A little dated now, but, oh, well.

Two more things: a) None of this (my praise for "City of New York..." aside) matters much; I'm gonna be watching "Once Upon a Time" and b) Looks like I figured out how to post like in the good old days. Screw you, Blogger!