My Favorite Scores: Mouse Hunt (Alan Silvestri)

I can't say it enough, kids: I love film music. The sounds, the melodies, the emotions it arouses. I've had an interest in film music for just over three decades and, in that time, I've come across a number of scores that I've no qualms about calling my favorites.

When it comes to film music, tracking the label’s soundtrack announcements can come to feel like watching a horse race: where you want to feel happy for the lucky saps that hit big, but your horse comes in last, assuming it comes in at all. However, one relatively recent release made me feel that I was not only watching the Kentucky Derby, but that I won the damn race myself.  Two estranged brothers - restaurateur Ernie (Nathan Lane) and dreamer Lars (Lee Evans) - are reunited by the death of their father Rudolf Smuntz (William Hickey, in his last film role) and while his string factory is a relic of the past, the house that was also part of the inheritance could be worth a fortune, provided that it’s fixed up…and heavily fumigated.  1997’s Mouse Hunt was a minor hit for then-fledgling studio Dreamworks. This may have owed to the fact that it was sold as a family movie. Though rich in the kind of violent slapstick that became de rigueur in the genre since the runaway success of Home Alone, the film is closer on the scale to ‘a Coen brothers movie that Laurel and Hardy somehow stumbled into’. (Lane even performs Ollie’s distinctive tie twiddle while flirting with two women.)   The feature directing debut of commercial veteran Gore Verbinski, working from a script by Adam Rifkin, Mouse Hunt made for a fascinating capper of a diverse year for composer Alan Silvestri.  Somewhat suggestive of his Stalling-esque masterwork Who Framed Roger Rabbit, albeit with a darker edge, Silvestri’s score is built on three principal melodies with a wealth of secondary ideas flitting in and out as the narrative requires.  (I am a huge fan of score and film, so expect a ton of words about both. You have been warned.)  The album starts with “Funeral Prologue”. Pipe organ and brooding horns ably reflect the stormy weather as Ernie and Lars carry Rudolf’s coffin out of the church, but an argument about Lars’s outfit leads to the coffin getting away from them and fast-fingered organ following Rudolf’s corpse jack-knifing into an open manhole. In the “Main Title”, burbling woodwinds underline the open sewer transitioning to the hole in a spool, the brass building as parts of the film’s title are brought together by different strands. The mouse’s playful theme is heard for the first time on bassoons accented by chimes. The action shifts to the factory, the bouncy music contrasting with the grim surroundings and the trudging, elderly workers. The theme slows down ominously as a loose ball of yarn holds up the line. A brief wistful string passage accompanies the reading of the will in the office, and as the cue ends in sprightly figures, Ernie gets a good look at the ensuing chaos. He has no problem selling the place off, but Lars reminds him that their father wanted them to run the factory together. The executor (Eric Christmas) catalogs the various items bequeathed to them, among them, a box of cigars and an old mansion, the latter underscored by a grim, distended melody that follows the first five notes of the mouse’s theme, holding on the fifth and adding a sixth as a sort of exclamation point (“Also, A House”). Affecting a French accent, Ernie welcomes the mayor and his family to “Chez Ernie”, an exuberant big-band melody accompanying his greeting. As the “Lobster Bibliotheque” is served, Silvestri introduces Chez Ernie’s theme, a long-lined motif, but retains the big-band stylings. A brief cut to the kitchen hints at the grimness theme as a cockroach scurries out of the cigar box. (This cue - titled “Walking Crouton” on the album and joined with the next cue, “Love the Almonds” - appears in the film between the two above cues.) Quivering strings underscore the twin daughters' discovery of half a cockroach, with nervous brass as their father vomits up the other half. The shock undoes Hizzoner’s triple-bypass and the restaurateur's approbation; Chez Ernie is no more. The closeup of Ernie is treated with muted trumpet notes, a very minor idea for his failure. Not long after, Lars is met by a pair of representatives from ZeppCo who hope to retrofit the factory. Their offer of a consultant position compels Lars to fish out a pen to sign up, only to instead pull out his father’s string. A violin solo backed by klezmer introduces a flashback, as well as the memories theme as Rudolf bequeaths the string to Lars, hoping that his “Dying Wish” to keep the business in the family will be honored. Citing his father’s axiom (“A world without string is chaos.”), Lars rejects the offer. As a result, Lars finds himself tossed “Out on the Street” by his money-hungry wife April (Vicki Lewis, at a full 180 from flighty secretary Beth on “NewsRadio”), a doleful string and chime take on the memories theme his only companion. The brothers find themselves “Together Again”, lamenting their (down)turns of fortune to the memories theme on clarinet with string backing. Neither has a place to stay…at least until “I’ll Be Home for Christmas” comes in on strings, reminding them of their surprise bounty. Arriving at their new “Home Sweet Dump”, tweeting flutes show a small, furry occupant spying its new housemates. The grimness motif plays as Ernie and Lars inspect the property. More playful music follows as they find a single bed and their decision to flip a quarter for it results in the coin landing on its side. “Meet the Mouse” (comprised of three short tracks) starts with pitter-patter strings as the boys emerge from bed to investigate strange noises, only to be assaulted by moths and ghostly shadows, which are accompanied by orchestral outbursts and ever-more-worried snatches of the mouse’s theme. The 1:32 mark introduces the brothers’ comic saxophone melody as they discover the rodent…and blueprints detailing that the house is the work of renowned architect “Charles Lyle LaRue”. This subsequent discovery turns the A-section of the memories theme into a beautiful waltz; maybe, their luck is turning around. Among the looky-loos inspecting the house is eccentric house collector Alexander "Falko" (Maury Chaykin), who is treated to a minor, Judge Dredd-like horn-and-string fanfare. The idea of an auction for the house is bandied about by Ernie, with swaying winds accompanying Falko's offer to go as high as "Ten Million Dollars". (In the film, the two cues are followed by a Silvestri arrangement of "We're in the Money" as Ernie and Lars dream about the things such an amount can buy, but, sadly, a rights issue precluded its inclusion on the Deluxe Edition.) The mouse’s theme returns as the creature scampers “All Thru the House” overhearing their conversation. Ernie goes about “Setting the Trap” with an olive to abbreviated takes on the rodent’s melody and with a “Clang!” and a busy bassoon, the mouse is taken care of…or so one would think. The next morning, Lars finds the trap empty and the olive pit left behind. Ernie mocks Lars’s assumption that this was done deliberately, proclaiming with undeserved confidence that ‘I don’t think we’ll be seeing any more of that “Mouse(!)”’ as it plops into his cereal bowl. The themes of the mouse and the brothers fight for supremacy as each tries to gain the upper hand in this chase. The boys try again with a mouse trap, this time baiting it with a piece of cheese, little realizing that the mouse is making off with the entire “Cheese Wheel”. The mouse’s theme on tuba gives way to a folksy rendition of the Chez Ernie motif with whistler, guitar and accordion underscoring the boys’ failed home improvement. The mouse, meanwhile, looks to sleep off its feast and its theme accompanies its journey to bed. As the rodent settles in, the memories theme on piano rocks it to sleep spiced with Hawaiian accents. However, the mouse gets a rude awakening to chattering xylophones as the payload from Lars’s “Nail Gun” fires into the wall, the cue bouncing between the mouse’s theme and the brothers’ theme. The mouse finds itself trapped by the nails, strings bearing down. One of the nails comes up short and before Lars can hammer it in, Ernie calls him outside, offering a musical reprieve. Ernie and Lars haul a Jacuzzi (their last $1200) up the stairs and the sight of the mouse through a bottle sends the boys and their “Hot Tubbogan” down the stairs and out the door, sleigh bells giving their theme a Christmassy feel. As Ernie sets up in the kitchen a “Mousetrap Minefield”, a wafting string and wind melody plays that is quintessentially Silvestrian. The descending registers of the cue hint at the unfortunate revelation that the door is locked, trapping he and Lars inside. “Cherry Catapult/Cherry Spin” begins with the mouse’s theme as the creature maneuvers around the devices with Mickey-mousing for some of its more acrobatic moves. Finally, it stops at a bowl of cherries, a snare drum playing as it launches a cherry from a spoon. The fruit spins about, its stem triggering one, then all of the traps to a raucous outburst of brass and organ. After removing some of the traps, Ernie and Lars chase the mouse to a hole with a vacuum cleaner. Swirling strings accompany the mouse’s theme as it holds on for dear life. However, the mouse connects the vacuum to a sewer pipe, the music building to a “Shit Explosion”. At the "City Pound", all quietly rumbling tympani and sinister strings, the boys are met by worker Maury (played in a canny bit of casting by Ernie Sabella, Pumbaa to Lane's Timon in The Lion King), who points them in the direction of the aptly-named Catzilla. Wavering flute and horn blasts blare forth as the monstrous feline makes its way around the house while stuck in its shipping crate. "Catzilla Emerges" to an Ifukube-esque fanfare, giving way to the mouse's theme for their chase. Catzilla pursues the mouse into a piano ("Ebony and Ivory"), their antics appropriately accompanied with Scott Bradleyesque figures. At the factory, Lars tries to inure the workers to having their paychecks deferred for the house’s restoration to a nervous waltzing melody of chimes, strings and woodwinds. Meanwhile, “Ernie Finds (the) Contract” from ZeppCo in the office to the grimness motif and not even the suddenly withering gaze of his father’s portrait can stop the gears from turning in Ernie’s head. The cue slowly but surely turns militaristic as the boys are forced to retreat from the upset (and violent) employees. Meanwhile, the mouse tripping Catzilla up with mouse traps is treated to another racing variant of the mouse’s theme (“Cat Trap”). Catzilla pursues the mouse into a dumb waiter. However, the mouse chews through the rope, sending the cat plummeting with a wry flourish. Threatening brass figures greet the sight of the giant roach atop Caesar's van ("Roach Mobile"). Descending horns and snare mark the arrival of Caesar (Christopher Walken, strolling away with the film in his all-too-brief screen time), the gangly exterminator leaving Ernie and Lars in awe of his analytic prowess...and unnerved by his eccentricity. As the man notes that 'to a mouse, "You'(a)re the Intruder"', the militaristic idea from "Ernie Finds (the) Contract" returns as he leaves Lars to scab amongst the striking workers, whose resemblance to the angry villagers in Frankenstein was clearly not lost on Lane, given his ad-lib: "Light a match! They're frightened by fire!". Sadly, Lars is not quite equal to the task, the “Loose Thread(s)” of his outfit ending up caught in the machinery to a mischievous rendition of the brothers’ melody. “Caesar Searches” for the creature, scampering figures following the mouse. “Evidence Found” in the dining room, he notes on his tape recorder that the mouse has a slight “Calcium Deficiency”. Caesar’s soldier-like motif returns followed by curious-sounding winds for this impromptu meal. While waiting for the ZeppCo bosses, Ernie sits on a bench, opposite two women - Belgian hair models Ingrid and Hilde. Their mutual attraction plays without words, Silvestri’s piquant melody of vibes, accordion and violin carrying the “Silent Movie” scene. However, Ernie’s amorous mood - and business meeting - is cut short by an approaching bus. “Lars au Naturel” finds him gathering the yarn balls that were his outfit off of the line and retreating to his office, the brothers theme in a nervous string variation. There, a scantily-clad April - having been made aware of the auction - waits for him, slinky sax finishing the melody off. (The surprised-sounding final notes underline a great gag that I dare not spoil.) Caesar sends a camera under the floor, strings and flute hanging in the air. Unfortunately, the picture cuts out. Silvestri’s backing of the mouse’s theme reveals the innards of the house, the camera having made its way deep inside. Caesar reconnects two loose wires, revealing that the camera is now outside…and the mouse retracts the winch apparatus connecting the man to the truck. “Caesar’s Big Drag” ensues, Caesar (and the poor stuntman doubling Walken) getting pulled through the house - the mouse’s theme given a frantic treatment - but not before leaving behind a flea bomb. With a flute trill, the mouse performs a “Face Walk” on Caesar, leaving him a snack for the road. The boys return home from Ernie’s hospital stay, having spied “Caesar’s Truck” on the way. The grimness motif sounds as a raving Caesar is loaded into an ambulance, an officer noting that the exterminator was locked in a trunk in the attic, much like LaRue. The house in shambles, grim chords follow the boys into the kitchen. There, they find a sandwich and bassoons burble as it moves on its own (“Sandwich to Go”). Once again, the mouse gets away, its theme hot on its tail. Ernie follows it up the chimney, only to get stuck (“Ernie Settles In”). The 1:34 mark introduces a nine-note string melody for the boys believing themselves on the verge of triumph. Lars, meanwhile, trades his faulty flashlight for a helpfully placed book of matches. Unfortunately, the mouse has undone the fireplace’s gas main. The ensuing explosion results in a big feeling of “Ouch!” for the both of them: Lars is blown into a cupboard, which then lands on his fingers, while Ernie is launched into the air and plummets into the ice lake, greeted by the jacuzzi and the muted trumpet of “Love the Almonds”. “Shotgun Chase” finds Ernie grabbing a rifle off the wall to a grim, determined march rendition of the brothers theme; he’s had all he can stand. Lars tries to stay his anger, only to yell for him to “Shoot!” when the mouse hurries by. Swirling strings follow the mouse using an empty can as a shield. Ernie seems to nail it, only for the mouse to disappear down a hole...the same one that housed Caesar’s flea bomb (“Floor Collapse”). As the boys stew in the freshly blown hole, quivering strings hang in the air for the answering machine message from ZeppCo, revealing the “Brotherly Betrayal”. The men finally have it out, the scene left unscored. The orchestra returns as they each declare to the other that “I Hate You”. Lars’ orange toss at Ernie ends up knocking the curious mouse unconscious. However, the men can’t bring themselves to kill the rodent, so they ship it to Cuba. Silvestri whips up a lovely combination of samba and lounge music for the restoration (with April’s financial help) of the mansion, only for the package to be returned due to “Insufficient Postage”. The night of the auction, a descending flute and quavering strings alert Lars that the package has been marked “Return to Sender”. Ernie’s speech to the audience is interrupted by the “Mouse on (the) Podium”, which he tries to nail with the gavel to scampering bassoon and string sustain before it eats Rudolf’s prized string. As the bidding gets underway in “There He Is!”, pitter-patter strings and tinkling piano follow the boys’ pursuit of the mouse, which soon jumps down Hilde’s cleavage. Lars’s attempted retrieval draws a less than favorable reaction from April, but (at least, for a moment), he is successful. As another patron's cigarette ash causes Hilde’s fancy hair to catch fire (“Flaming Doo”), the mouse’s theme is given a rowdy brass rendition following the chaos. The hose that Lars brings in gives Ernie an idea: drown the rodent. Bouncing low brass and twitching string figures sound as the bids for the house get higher. The mouse’s theme in ever more agitated snatches - punctuated by the triumph motif - dominates the cue as it escapes to safety. Unfortunately, the hose is on at full strength, the “Water Pressure” building to cascading brass waves as the patrons are flooded out the front door. The BS motif from “Ernie Finds (the) Contract” returns as he tries to stop the departing guests, the collapse behind him directly contradicting his claim that “this house will last forever!”. As the boys stand among the “LaRue Ruins” and find Rudolf’s string seemingly floating down from Heaven, the B-section of the memories theme plays on clarinet. The A-section on strings and celeste soon after reminds the boys that, in spite of all they’ve lost - money, homes, dignity - they still have each other. A slow, loungey version of the brothers theme plays as they embark on a “Sad Drive”...unaware of the mouse hanging onto the car’s undercarriage or the brass chords accompanying it. Ernie and Lars return to the one thing they have left - the factory - and fall asleep in the office. Suddenly, a bustling version of the mouse’s theme appears as the machinery starts up seemingly of its own accord. The boys wake up as a hunk of Swiss is processed, ending the line as a literal ball of “String Cheese”. The memories theme tentatively plays on celeste as they sample the product. An abbreviated version of the mouse’s melody leads to a warmer version of the memories theme on strings as the factory takes on a brighter character. The mouse’s theme returns on winds as Ernie runs new flavors by their taste-testing partner. The memories theme finishes things off, a smile on the face of Rudolf’s portrait and his string on a plaque. The “End Credits” cycle through Silvestri’s principal melodies, starting with the mouse's theme at a somewhat slower tempo than in the "Main Title". The brothers' melody appears next, garnished with the sleigh bells of "Hot Tubbogan". Piano leads into the memories theme, with strings taking over the B-section and winds bringing the A-section back. This is followed by the mewing string motif of "Meet the Mouse" before allowing the mouse's theme to have the last word. Alan Silvestri's Mouse Hunt is one of his finest achievements and any fan of his work owes it to themselves to pick up Varese Sarabande's Deluxe Edition, a long-in-coming, but very welcome release. Availability: Still widely available at Varese Sarabande's website. Varese Sarabande VCL 0723 1236 (2023) Track Listing:

1. Funeral Prologue (1:19) 2. Main Title (2:44) 3. Also, A House (0:41) 4. Chez Ernie (0:38) 5. Lobster Bibliotheque (0:37) 6. Walking Crouton/Love the Almonds (1:05) 7. Dying Wish (1:46) 8. Out on the Street (0:37) 9. Together Again (1:24) 10. I'll Be Home for Christmas (0:42) 11. Home Sweet Dump (1:27) 12. Meet the Mouse (2:21) 13. Charles Lyle LaRue (0:47) 14. Falko/Ten Million Dollars (0:31) 15. All Thru the House/Setting the Trap/Clang! (1:31) 16. Mouse (0:55) 17. Cheese Wheel (2:06) 18. Nail Gun (1:12) 19. Hot Tubbogan (0:53) 20. Mousetrap Minefield (1:13) 21. Cherry Catapult/Cherry Spin (2:09) 22. Shit Explosion (1:37) 23. City Pound/Catzilla (1:42) 24. Catzilla Emerges/Ebony and Ivory (0:56) 25. Ernie Finds Contract (1:47) 26. Cat Trap/Roach Mobile (1:39) 27. You're the Intruder (0:47) 28. Loose Thread (0:56) 29. Caesar Searches/Evidence Found/Calcium Deficiency (0:44) 30. Silent Movie (1:12) 31. Lars Au Natural/Caesar's Big Drag (2:30) 32. Face Walk/Caesar's Truck (1:02) 33. Sandwich to Go/Ernie Settles In/Ouch! (2:49) 34. Shotgun Chase (1:29) 35. Floor Collapse/Hate That Mouse (0:40) 36. Brotherly Betrayal/I Hate You (0:39) 37. Insufficient Postage (1:20) 38. Return to Sender/Mouse on Podium (0:32) 39. There He Is! (1:28) 40. Flaming Doo (1:48) 41. Water Pressure (2:42) 42. LaRue Ruins/Sad Drive/Factory Brothers (2:07) 43. String Cheese (2:17) 44. End Credits (5:41)

Went back to Toronto.

Another August, another trek up North to have a few days of fun and - maybe - find some meaning in my life. The usual preparations were made: buying tickets to Fan Expo Canada (as well as exclusive events I hadn’t experienced before), making a schedule which couldn’t be locked until Fan Expo posted theirs (note: initially, I planned on visiting a ton of museums and farmer’s markets, until the intricacies of scheduling made those plans untenable) and exchanging American green for a Canadian rainbow. 

I had also planned to stay at the other hotel that I missed out on last year, but - being the cheap-ass bastard that I am - I opted for an Airbnb, instead, and it was quite fortuitous that was able to stumble upon the same place I stayed in 2018. Okay. Money in the bank.

Though there was ultimately nothing on the Fan Expo schedule that quite compared to…what I missed out on, I bought a four-day pass (with the overabundance of celebrity guests, I decided to leave nothing to chance). Also, I felt that the trip would’ve been greatly enriched by leaving on Thursday instead of Friday. I think history proved me right.

Thursday

The big day had finally arrived. I was confident that I had packed all that I needed. I promised myself that I would be out the door at 8:30 sharp. I left at about 8:45. I'm not perfect. Still, it was a good thing I had a couple of granola bars left. I needed something for breakfast.

I made my way to the Peace Bridge, as usual. Waiting in line is so dull, but it gave me time to get my crap ready for the authority figure(s) requesting it. I presented my license to the first one and gave the same 'why I'm going to Canada' spiel. The next one requested $8.00 to cross into Canada, up from $5.00. That hardly seems fair. 

The Queen Elizabeth Way is long and winding, but it helped to keep my mind occupied during the journey. I tried to get internet on my phone. I was unsuccessful last year, which really screwed me over, but this year...success! (The key is managing the cellular data in the settings app.)

Exit 30 is not too far away and thanks to my phone, I was able to get there no problem. I hauled my luggage across the street to the bus terminal. There were an awful lot of bees flying around. Lazy people need to learn to clean up after themselves.

A few minutes after ten, the bus arrived (and not a minute too soon; damn bees). I placed my rolling suitcase in the luggage hold and took a seat. One of the few remaining seats was next to a cute blonde. I, of course, lacked the nerve to strike up a conversation with her that goes outside of my head. (And to think that I was actually frantically searching for condoms before I left. Like I would ever get the opportunity to use those. Unless there's an imminent proficiency in balloon animals in my future, I'm wasting my time.)

The bus reached the end of the line at Burlington Station, which is where several passengers and I deboarded to hurry for the train. Who knows what became of that cute blonde? Why should it even matter to me? It's not like I was going to screw her.

More bees that found me uncommonly interesting. After about ten minutes, the train arrived. I took a window seat. There's something about watching the world go by as I'm following along with an app on my phone that fascinated me. 

It's roughly 1:00pm. The train arrived at Union Station. I am in Toronto, and let me tell you, all that inter-continental travel built up an appetite. Off to the food court. As a weird and not entirely conscious bookend to last year’s trip, I headed to Paramount for roughly the same falafel combo:

Delicious. The trip was already starting on a good note. 

Unlike last year, I felt that going to Toronto a day earlier than usual was imperative to getting the maximum of fun out of the trip.

My next stop was something I’d been wanting to experience ever since I heard about it: Immersive Disney at Lighthouse Artscape. The internet on my phone was drifting in and out, but I did still have my trusty city map, so off I went. It wasn’t too far from Union, but there was a lot of walking to do.

With five minutes before my session was to begin, I made it. Sweaty and tired, but I made it. Very grateful, by the way, that I could check my suitcase. Maybe, they were aware of the proximity to Union and expected a number of out-of-towners and maybe they weren’t, but still, a good worst case scenario.

This exhibit was something to behold. Displays of animated cels. Blown up sketches of classic characters. A setup of an animator’s work station. The requisite tables for merchandise. By itself, this all would’ve been impressive, but the real magic was yet to come.

Myself and the other visitors went into another room. Thanks to the light system, the floor was covered in stars...which quickly got out of the way of our footsteps.

Of course, the youngest visitors couldn’t get enough of testing this out with their jumping.

Another, much larger room allowed us to witness various scenes from - and montages of - Disney movies projected on the walls. Truly spellbinding. I was still a little sweaty from the walking, so getting to sit under the air conditioning vent was a special treat. As an additional bonus, I got to take home a picture that showcases a cel from a Disney feature. My cel was from The Princess and the Frog.

I had planned to visit another museum that day, but things didn’t quite shake out like I wanted (more on that later). Instead, I used the Presto day pass to make my way to Neurotica Records.

The place is just as astonishing as it was last year. My ultimate haul was impressive: the soundtracks to The Natural, Rushmore, 1994’s Little Women, Chocolat, Ever After: a Cinderella Story, March of the Penguins and Bugsy. The cashier reminded me of a jacked Gordon Ramsay, which I found weird, but not quite enough to dwell on beyond leaving the store.

From there, it wasn't very far to my Airbnb. I made it to the house and rang the front doorbell. No answer. I headed back to try the back way. The door was unlocked. They were expecting me. It's nice to be wanted. I was able to get my luggage moved in and took a breather on the bed for a few minutes. Hey, I still had places to go.

Significantly refreshed, I was ready to go...except for the matter of leaving the house and having the lack of security weigh on my mind. The keys were inside the lock on the banister. I didn't recall seeing one, but I checked outside and I found the giant lock. I tried to open the lock, but no dice. I contacted host Lidia again and it's a few minutes before she showed up in person. She undid the lock and I got the keys. I was able to lock up behind me and continue on my journey. Unfortunately, the time it took to get everything in order meant that the other museum trip I wanted to take would have to wait for another day. On the way out, I saw a black squirrel climbing a tree. Of course, I tried to get a picture of it, but the little guy was too damn slippery. (I also wanted to get a picture of a sign inside a car: "I'm So Gay, I Can't Even Drive Straight". Again, I missed it.)

I originally planned to grab dinner at Fancy Franks, but it occurred to me that a heavy meal plus movie snacking would not be a smart move, so instead, I opted for the lighter meal of a pork belly bao at Mean Bao.

Kind of messy, but a good meal...and I really dug the presentation.

Once upon a time, I'd wanted to see a movie in a Toronto movie theater that specialized in revival showings. The Royal - only a few blocks from my Airbnb - gave up on movies long ago, but then, I heard about the Revue. Visiting the website convinced me that a trip here should be a permanent fixture of my trips to Toronto. Roncesvalles Avenue was a little further than I'd wanted to travel, but, in the end, it was worth it. (Around the same time as the movie, there was a special Fan Expo panel featuring the cast members of Scream. Was I upset at missing this? Not as much as you would think. I liked Scream a great deal, but I loved...love "The Kids in the Hall".)

You walk into the theater and show your ticket that you purchased online to the ticket taker, then you head in and, if you so desire, purchase some refreshments. The popcorn was running out, so I had to wait a few more minutes for a fresh batch.

Then, you walk into the screening room. There's plenty of seating near the back, so you can settle in in the third row, setting your refreshments in the seat next to you. The pre-show was an amusing stand-up routine from a local, but then the movie begins: 1999's Blast from the Past. About ten minutes too long, but still, a quite charming romantic comedy. Sissy Spacek's turn as Brendan Fraser's slowly-going-stir-crazy mom had me lamenting that she didn't receive many opportunities to show off her comic chops.

I made my way back to the bus stop. A few droplets of rain. Of course, my raincoat was back in my room. Oh, well. A streetcar came up and took me to the stop nearest to my place. However, I couldn't go back yet. I didn't have soap for tomorrow's shower. I tried the Shoppers Drug Mart. No Ivory Soap. I went to the Metro next door. All they had was a ten-pack. It'd have to do.

I headed back to my Airbnb and couldn't wait to settle in for the night. One of my main worries of the trip was missing the new episode of "What We Do in the Shadows". Barely an inconvenience. FX was on my room's television. It aired and I found it hard to stifle my laughter, but I somehow managed.

As I've said before, it's strange falling asleep in an unfamiliar bed, but you'd be surprised what you can do when you need to.

Friday

Good morning. I scrolled through the channel listings on the TV and found, much to my disappointment, that - in spite of 400 channels listed, only a few of them were available to actually watch. Ah, well, I didn't come to Toronto to exclusively watch television...right?

The shower was still something else. The tiles felt so good against my feet, but I was worried about slipping. At least, less worried than I was in the tub at 2019’s Airbnb.

I ran up to the Shoppers Drug Mart just up Crawford street and then across College street. I went hoping to score a Presto day pass for public transport. Unfortunately they were fresh out. Okay, I suppose I could just walk to the next location…several blocks away. Well, shit. My feet were killing me, but, thankfully, they had what I was looking for.

I'd heard about the Golden Diner in my tireless researching of the city's restaurants. They offered something akin to (and arguably better than) a Denny's Super Slam in the Lumberjack:

Quite the appetizing dish, no? I wasn't feeling the watermelon. I've just never liked it and I didn't see it advertised on the menu, but the trip had been going so well so far, I decided not to yank that thread. Unlike last year's somewhat disappointing Saturday breakfast at Eggsmart, the pancakes were fluffy and tasty. It was the sausages that didn't feel right this time, but given that I had bacon to satisfy my meat craving, that turned out to be a non-issue.

The TTCWatch app on my phone turned out to be invaluable, pinpointing my location and letting me know when the nearest train or bus was leaving and how long I had before they get there. I hurry to College Station and took the train from there to Union. I deboarded and I noticed some people in cosplay heading in a particular direction. No choice but to follow them. It was a long and winding road to get up to Fan Expo, taking us up escalators and over bridges. It was exhausting yet exciting and after a few more minutes of walking, I hoped it was worth it.

Passing Rogers Centre and the CN Tower, I got closer and closer to the Metro Toronto Convention Centre. I was ready to go in, but the entrance to the South building was only for people who’ve already registered their badges. For me and a number of others, it took a little more traveling. We headed up the street and entered a tunnel that took us through a shipping road and into the Convention Centre. I waited in line and my badge was registered. Once inside, the noise grew louder and louder. It was too late to turn back now. It was like a beautiful madness. Let the madness begin. 

I had planned on starting my Fan Expo with Comedy Con - Improvised Geek Comedy, but I decided against it. No particular reason. I just didn't feel like it. However, I did score a copy of Batman ‘89 #4 after nearly two years of searching. At last, the circle is complete. Now, if only I could get my hands on that Svengoolie comic…

My first panel would end up being Being Frank with Fred Tatasciore. Back when I posted my San Diego Comic-Con post, I half-jokingly wondered how the strike would affect Fan Expo Canada. It was here that I and anyone else visiting a panel learned. Celebrities could not talk about any projects that they were in, or currently engaged in as it would be interpreted as promoting said projects. Ooooookay. Thankfully, the talent had other things to talk about, like - in Tatasciore's case - the thrill of getting to work with voice actors he idolized.

Initially, I had considered next going to The Movie Podcast panel when the first draft of the schedule had it at 1:00pm, but it was moved to 12:00pm, so I get a free period (and I'd tested out an episode of the podcast days before I left and figured it would've been a waste of time, anyway).

In Fan Expos past, I would wax poetic about a delicious dish served in the North Building: the Gotham Poutine from the Gotham Grill. They seemed to be missing from last year's show, much to my disappointment, but then, I saw what appeared to be a familiar food truck.

I didn’t dare press the issue with anyone currently working there, but I’ll be goddamned if this wasn’t the same truck with the serial numbers filed off.

It may not have been exactly the same as the Gotham Poutine, but - in looks and taste - it definitely slotted into the category of ‘close enough’.

In a booth tucked away from pretty much everything, right across from the fast food was Karan Ashley, who played the Yellow Ranger for a few seasons of “Power Rangers” and in the first theatrical movie. As I got a good look at her, taking care that she didn’t catch me looking at her, two thoughts crossed my mind: 1) I felt a little bad for her, being all tucked away from everyone; would anybody even have been seeking her out or even knew she was here and 2) was she always this short?

More promising than the panel I skipped over was the A Year in Film Podcast panel, a neat pod where the hosts explore a year in film via two somewhat similar movies. The theme here was big city criminal chaos, explored through Batman: Mask of the Phantasm and Demolition Man.

Next, I so desperately wanted to go to the Name That Toon Contest!, but the room was filled to capacity and I couldn't get in. At least, this meant I’ll have plenty of time to get to the Danny Trejo panel, right? Wrong. He couldn’t make it. Well, may as well dick around the show floor for a while.

If you thought the show floor in the North building was chaotic, you ain’t seen nothing yet. That of the South building had vendors, artist alley and a whole lot of geek-affiliated companies. I was particularly intrigued by the StackTV booth that had skeeball and ring toss. Of course, I tried my hand at both and, of course, I failed to win. The latter game had cardboard standees of “Rick and Morty” characters in the bottles. I asked the guy running it if there was an extra prize for getting a ring around one of the characters. As it turns out, no, they were just decorative. Go figure.

This being Fan Expo, of course, there was interesting cosplay around. Today, I captured pics of Ramona Flowers, Emily the Corpse Bride, Doric from Dungeons and Dragons: Honor Among Thieves, Nadja and the Guide from "What We Do in the Shadows", Mei Lin’s panda form from Turning Red, and, interestingly enough, Al and Peg Bundy. He was nice enough to give me a No Ma’am button. The one that got away today was Elmyra from "Tiny Toons". Impressive in the brief glimpse I got of her.

Perhaps, it's a sign of how my fortunes had turned around from last year that I'm forced to wonder: was it worse that I completely missed a wanted panel or that I was able to get into a seemingly-interesting-but-ultimately-wasteful one? That was the thought that crossed my mind as I sat through the Comedy Game Showdown: Animeniacs! panel. This was one of those things where the contestants ('two teams of Toronto's finest comedians'...let me be the judge of that, 'kay?) were encouraged to give joke answers to ostensibly simple pop culture questions. Apparently, "Caroline's Comedy Hour" had refused a number of callbacks because everyone here chose this panel to (poorly) workshop their tight five. What a waste. Betcha the Name That Toon panel was more entertaining than this crap. Machete, why have you forsaken me?!

Fan Expo was over for today. Now, to get to where I wanted to go yesterday, but couldn’t: the Myseum of Toronto. Unfortunately, the same voodoo witchcraft that cost me that big time panel on the Friday night of last year‘s Fan Expo reared its ugly head yet again, turning me around and around and around and the Internet on my phone chose this moment to get super dodgy. Luckily, I had a physical map of Toronto to consult, and I was able to make my way to the museum…10 minutes before closing. Thankfully, the wonderful security guard named Sarah was able to let me in. I became the Tazmanian Devil, spinning around and snapping as many pictures as my iPhone could hold (and given the new threat of limited space, it turned out to be a lot). I never saw "Mr. Dressup" or "Degrassi", but thanks to Nick Jr., I did get to absorb "The Elephant Show" and "Today's Special" and this was reason enough to check it out.

From there, it was off to BMV Music and Books. Much to my disappointment, the soundtrack section had been notably depleted from last year, but there were a whole lot of books for me to check out. I considered Leonard Maltin's "Of Mice and Magic: the History of Animated American Cartoons", but then I discovered two books that I couldn't bring myself to leave behind: "Make Love the Bruce Campbell Way" and "Hollywood Black". Next door, they offered some super cheap CDs and books. I might’ve considered the CDs had they not been wrapped up in three packs. I could've enjoyed one of the titles that was in the package, but then you're stuck with two titles you don't even want. Also, there weren’t too many soundtracks, either. 

I then made my annual trip to Sonic Boom. Same old stuff, but on the way down the stairs, something caught my eye and refused to let go:

Yes, those are celebrities made up like saints. In the words of Homer Simpson, "Sacrelicious!". Apparently, there was a fair bigger amount of rubes around here than I thought, because someone at Fan Expo was hawking these things, too. I just don't understand it.

Walking down College Street at night was an incredible experience. So many people walking around, hanging out and having an incredible time. The one bad thing about it, come to think of it, was trying to decide where to eat. (I considered having dinner at Kensington Market, only to figure out that it was a collective of places more than a fenced-in area. Oh, well.) I picked up a strawberry banana smoothie and a chocolate chip banana muffin from Second Cup. The smoothie was gone within two blocks, but you know me; still hungry. I passed a whole lot of places and as I drew closer and closer to my Airbnb, I knew I had to pick something to eat. Ultimately, I settled on Brick and Cheese. It's a tiny, unassuming place with a small kitchen staff, and even fewer customers. I glanced at the menu and I chose the Original Brick. The damn thing looks pretty thick and when I finally get it back to my temporary pad, it is much thicker than I could’ve ever expected.

As I struggled to digest my brick - the ultimate example of what can happen when your eyes are bigger than your stomach - I try to look on the bright side: that I could be a little smarter with my meal choices in the immediate future.

For entertainment tonight, FX is running a mini-marathon of first-season episodes of “What We Do in the Shadows". I remembered it being pretty good, if not as awesome as the subsequent seasons. Re-watching the episodes, I don’t know what kind of stick I had up my ass when they first aired, 'cause these were funny as hell. With a little distance, your opinion can change on just about anything.

Saturday

Up and at them. I was excited to continue on with Fan Expo, so I needed to get ready. Showering and dressing and I was off. 

I headed for Shoppers Drug Mart. I’d hoped that they were in a cooperative mood today. I would hope in vain. No day passes! I really didn’t feel like walking to another location for one. However, the girl behind the counter told me of reloadable Presto passes. Say, that might could work! I loaded $25 onto one and I was ready. As I headed for the bus stop, I got a glance across the street.

A food truck on the street at 9:30 in the morning. This place is magical.

To my surprise - somewhat - I still had the muffin from last night. I figured that’s good a breakfast as any. Another streetcar and train ride later, I got to Fan Expo. No time to stop and smell the other visitors. I had panels to attend.

First was Meet the Legendary Jodi Benson. She mentioned her son being a filmmaker and hoping the strike ended for the sake of his career. Fair enough.

Next up was The Energetic Jason Lee Has Arrived!. He talked about his career as a skateboarder before giving the acting game a try.

Given the incredible gap between panels, I had a means of obtaining a corn dog from Chungchun. However, to guarantee a reasonable turn-around time, it'd have to be the Bloor location from last year. Union Station to Bloor, then up the street (why and how did I not think of this that Friday night, I will never figure out).

The service there was, as ever, just below par, but there was no arguing the results.

Really, I couldn’t see myself ordering anything but Gamsung. I returned the way I came and it's off to Fan Expo once more.

On the way back, I noticed a stand selling beaver tails. (For non-Canucks, it's fried dough stretched to look like beaver tails. They're covered with powdered sugar or more detailed toppings.)

I got the Bananarama. That one is covered in Nutella and bananas. Not really because I was hungry; just to get one. A little messy, but quite tasty.

When I saw the schedule in advance, I was quite surprised to find the following: Quiet - Low Sensory Space. And here I was worried I wouldn't have a chance to rest and decompress like I do every Saturday. I spent roughly 20 minutes trying to take a nap, but sleeping in a sitting position was less than ideal. Before I knew it, I was mobile again.

I managed to get to the Get Legendary with Ming-Na Wen panel. Here, she talked about her early years of modeling.

I made my way to the South building mainly to kill time. I was craving a smoothie and there was a booth serving superhero-themed beverages. Sadly, the one I had was less impressive than the one from Second Cup.

Now, I am what you might think of as a walking contradiction: I’m still paranoid enough of Covid that I mask up in public, but not so much that I bypass going to a convention altogether. Even so, there was more than once where the trek from one building to the other was held up by a surplus of like-minded travelers. I’m not gonna be crushing any jellybean counting contests, but I’d estimate the number of people going both ways at roughly 350. The number of people masked up, for safety or in costume, was probably less than that of my digits and who knows how many of them were vaxxed? I think it’s a miracle that I didn’t die at any point during the trip.

Caught some great cosplay pics today: Jack Burton (who I addressed by name), Stan Pines, Hespera from Shazam! Fury of the Gods (and bonus points for the incredible resemblance to Dame Helen Mirren), Princess Peach (at least, I think that’s who it was), Jeannie (as in “I Dream of…”) and Deadpool. Unfortunately, I missed out on Coraline (she had the blue hair and her yellow raincoat was on her arm, but again, I’m sure it was supposed to be her).

The last panel of the day was Query with the Inquisitive Harvey Guillen. In lieu of talking about his projects, he regaled us of his out and proud youth and how his same age group relatives took to his life choice just broke my damn heart. On a lighter note, he told how, despite slim finances, his mother supported his yen to perform.

I had thought about finishing the day off with the presentation of Emily Strikes Back, but I decided against it. Maybe, you don’t need to be a Star Wars fan to appreciate it, but why take a chance?

Once upon a time, I considered following a girl into whatever Chinatown restaurant she went in and take a chance on the cuisine there. Yes, it was a stupid freaking plan and no, I never had the nerve to follow through on it. One of the places I considered during the planning stages of my trip was Mother’s Dumplings and that’s where I ate. Cute server, but of course nothing. I had the pan fried dumplings, which I enjoyed. However, I’ve only used chopsticks four or five times in my life and maneuvering them wasn’t easy.

I made it back to Lidia’s, pleased at what I’d accomplished that day. I checked out a few clips of Svengoolie, giving myself a little taste of home, then I lost myself online while whatever was on in the background played on one of the few channels available. Eh, it's cool.

Sunday

The start of my last full day here. Not sure how ready I was, but I figured I may as well give it a shot.

Normally, I would’ve been getting ready to spend the day at CNE, but I just wasn’t up to it for a multitude of reasons, none of which have anything to do with Covid. Go figure:

1) All I do is walk around 2) The idea of riding rides does not appeal to me 3) Too many people, which one supposes you could say of Fan Expo, but there’s a chance of seeing a famous face or a cute girl in costume to mitigate that 4) The exhibits don’t interest me 5) The food is good, at least when it sounds appetizing and not seemingly AI-created, but what can I get here that I can’t find around the city (though this year, they had a falafel-encrusted corn dog that I know I’ll be chasing until the day I die)?

I had an elaborate Sunday morning breakfast buffet planned at Hothouse. I was gonna eat so much, someone would have to roll me around Toronto for the rest of my trip. But the previous night, I got the news: 'Christina Ricci's panel is now at 10:45am'. Now, Hothouse opened Sundays at 10:00am and even with the speed of Mercury and the navigation skills of Ferdinand Magellan, there was a very real chance that I would miss her panel entirely and I wasn't about to let that happen. Still, where the hell was I going to go?

A Google search revealed a place called Saving Gigi, a local restaurant that serves a breakfast sandwich. (P.S. On the way here, I managed to get that picture of the black squirrel after all. Hurrah.) How good can it be? 

The answer: pretty goddamn good, I must say. Unfortunately, this being Sunday, I can’t pop into Shoppers Drug Mart for a beverage. It takes a train ride to Spadina Station and a 7-Eleven to help me out.

From there, I made my way to Fan Expo, once again blending in with the Blue Jays fans and passing the CN Tower. I took the South building entrance and did a little shopping, picking up comics.

With minutes to spare, I hurried for the first panel and I managed to get a decent seat for Christina Ricci Takes the Stage!. It is here that she recounted a situation that made her a believer in ghosts, which sounded much less cute than in Casper. I also learned about parasocial interaction, which, of course, I had to Google. I’ve felt that once or twice.

Right after, I considered the opportunity to Take Some Time Off with Christie Brinkley, Dana Barron and Anthony Michael Hall, but, let's face it, a lot of people were expecting Chevy Chase to be there. I bypassed it, but reading a later headline on Yahoo about Miss Brinkley told me I may have made a mistake. Oh, well.

Back to the show floor, where I was eager for something to eat. There was a Pizza Pizza stand in this building, which was a nice surprise and while the slice was fine, the utter incompetence it took to fulfill my order cured me of any further desire to patronize this business.

I stood in line to see Ricci at her booth, but then, I saw the prices for autographs and selfies hovering around $100. Cash. I say, ‘Hell to the no’. I snapped a clandestine pic of the two-time Wednesday Addams and took a hike.

There’s more to Fan Expo than being starstruck by celebrities and getting packed like sardines while trying to move from one building to the other. There's merch to blow money on. I snagged a She-Ra T-shirt and Across the Spider-Verse Funko for my sisters. Oh, and I also managed to get a protective sheet for the Princess and the Frog cel, so that was awesome.

The next three panels all took place in the same room, so I was going in circles after each one trying to get to the end of the line. First was Speaking with the Talented Shameik Moore. As a nod to his breakout role in Dope, the conversation turned to his favorite 90s artists.

I ended up taking another trip round the horn so I could get into the Hear Ye, Hear Ye! Lana Parrilla Has Entered the Building panel. She talked about making a new furry friend in her travels.

It's here that I decided to cut out the middleman of running around to get to the end of the line and I just went to the end of the line.

The last panel of the day and of the Expo led me to Talking Shop with Peter Cullen and Frank Welker. As if to say 'Damn, the torpedoes! Full speed ahead!", the two men played out a scene as their "Transformers" characters, Optimus Prime and Megatron, respectively. Needless to say, the crowd went nuts.

One more day of cosplay. The pictures I captured: Waldo and Carmen Sandiego, two different versions of Harley Quinn, Daredevil and Kingpin, Two-Face and Morticia Addams and...I don’t know. I guess a soldier and an anime girl. Today’s white whale: Jackie Daytona, normal human bartender, far from his stomping grounds of Tuscon, Arizonia! The conversations the two of us could’ve had...

Fan Expo had ended once again, at least until next year, but this Sunday was just getting started. I took a streetcar down Queen Street West to get the original Craig's Cookies. Opting for the usual half-dozen, I picked out a mix of classic chocolate chip, PB cup and brownie.

It was a nice day out, so I decided to take a walk to my next location. It’s not that far away, thankfully. My God, there’s a lot of character on the street. If I were to ever move here - knock wood - I wouldn’t mind just spending a couple hours every other Sunday walking down Queen Street West absorbing the sights. 

Ultimately, I arrived at my destination: Trap Mart, one of two local places on this very street that sells rare snacks from around the world. There was a lot here I wasn’t sure I wanted to get, but I did manage to pick out specialty Reese's cups with a snack cake inside. I felt somewhat privileged until I saw weeks later that they were available here in town, as well. 

The other day, I bought a scratch-off ticket. Can you believe they have Plinko lottery tickets in Toronto? America blows. I won five dollars on that one, so, of course - stories from blogTO of big lottery wins dancing in my head - I bought another one, hoping I could maybe score the big prize. Unfortunately, the next ticket I bought was a loser. Story of my life. 

After getting pictures of other places that I thought about visiting in a future trip, I took a streetcar to go much further up the street to the other rare snacks place, simply titled Exotic Snax. I didn’t buy anything from here, even though I find that they were selling Nacho Cheese Bugles.  I really didn’t know at the time how rare they were but next year, I’ll be a lot more aware. I next went to what I believed to be the other BMV location on Queen Street West, but I found that, much to my disappointment, the BMV is gone; replaced with a head shop. Good grief.

At this point, I was pretty much planning to go back to my Airbnb, but then I checked my phone to see if there were any movies playing. There were quite a few of them; rather long and not really interesting to me, but then I saw that a screening of Strays was playing at Scotiabank Theater just up the street at 5:40. Well, I figured, 'It’s only four dollars and it's National Cinema Day. Why not check it out?' Much funnier than my initially dismissive 'I'll wait for Redbox' reaction to the trailer had me believe. There really is something about seeing a movie in a theater with a crowd of people.

Finally, I headed back up College Street. It took a few days, but the meal from Fancy Franks (bacon cheeseburger, onion rings and - why not treat yourself? - a root beer) was worth the wait. So damn delicious. Definitely want to try this again in the future.

Canada doesn’t have a Hulu, so a lot of their PG-13-rated stuff ends up on Disney+, so of course, I had to catalog the TV shows and movies that I can’t get on the Disney+ here. It’s a lot, let me tell you.

Monday

One more shower. One more bout of cartoons. One more time getting dressed. One last check to make sure I’m not leaving anything behind. Something like that can drive somebody crazy, especially when - God forbid - they're leaving behind something incredibly valuable. Thankfully, that didn’t happen.

I bade goodbye to my temporary dwelling and headed for parts unknown, the keys left in front of the television…and with no way to lock the back door. I could only hope that the messages I sent her through Airbnb reach her in time (spoiler: they do).

Of course, I needed to grab some breakfast and if it was good enough yesterday, why not get it again today? Another breakfast sandwich from Saving Gigi. A bit too warm as I make my way to the train station, but just as nourishing. Thankfully, this time, I had a drink to wash it down.

Much as I’d love to wax poetic on the walk of shame the morning after Fan Expo Canada, expounding on how we enthusiasts of any and all things geeky must now crawl back to our regular lives and steady jobs that provide the capital to indulge in these pursuits, my trip was not quite over.

I had hoped to pick up some Nacho Cheese Bugles. For some reason, regular sized bags of them are not to be found in the States. I searched up and down for them. Nothing. I would later learn that they were discontinued in Canada, and I had bypassed the only place they were available last night. 😭

Then, I made my way to Eaton Centre through the train station. Is this a great city or what? The place was impressively expansive. No time to actually visit the stores. Even with my Wifi access and helpful apps, my shaky grasp on Toronto geography guarantees that I’d still be in the city come nightfall. Still, there’s that much more to visit next time.

(And now, ladles and jelly spoons, the obligatory ‘comedy of errors’ paragraph.) 

That reloadable Presto card of mine was on its last legs. There wasn’t even enough money to cover one more ride, and my free transfer was minutes away from expiration. Before I boarded the train, I was left with a choice; use the remaining pittance (five dollars in coins) to reload the card even though I wouldn’t be able to use it again until maybe next year or take the chance of riding the train up to Union, but possibly get pinched and suffer the $425 fine (an amount like that, the memory doesn’t surrender easy). Weighing my options, I decided to reload the card, but unfortunately, I couldn’t go back through the regular stile because I already tapped my card, so I’m pretty much waiting for somebody to go through the handicapped stile and pretty much slip my way through that. Now, I get paranoid about a lot of things in my life, but I was just way too tired to worry about this. 

I got to Union Station, my train but a short way away. Of course, I'm hungry. I just needed something to fill my stomach (and I probably shouldn’t have been eating just to eat, especially when I have a potential meal lined up for later, but I’m still on vacation, so piss off). I’d heard about a place that sold Jamaican patties, but I couldn’t find it and there were so many minutes to screw around in, so I settled for Chicken Bacon Ranch with a poutine base from Loaded Pierogi.

It was all right, but hardly the flavorgasm with which I’d wanted to conclude my trip.

The train arrived and, luggage in hand, I got on board. As I still have service on my phone, I felt like watching something online. Disney+ had the full run of “Kiff”, so why not? About part way through “Pool Party/Road Trip”, I felt myself get crazy tired, so I finished the episode and slept. 

The train stopped at Burlington, forcing me and my fellow passengers to deboard. Many of us transferred to the shuttle bus headed for Niagara Falls Bus Terminal. I ended up in the very back of the upper level next to a broken seat. I got to enjoy some solitude, but I couldn’t get a chance to offer my seat to any pretty girls.

And speaking of which, a cute brunette was engaging in some serious PDA with some guy. It was probably her boyfriend. What I wouldn’t give for a girl like her to make out with me in public.

Finally, the bus reached the end of the line. I gathered my things and headed back for my car. It felt kind of good to be back behind the wheel. 

However, the trip wasn’t over yet. I still had somewhere to go. Bad news: the internet on my phone decided to be patchy, so I was forced to guess which way I was headed. Thankfully, the thumbnail for the window in which I entered directions in Google Maps was still up. The visual allowed me to feel out the route to my desired destination.

My first stop - Sobey’s - yielded no fruit in my quest for Bugles, but then came the second:

(Honestly, if I didn’t get a picture of this, I would have a hard time convincing myself that it was real.)

I would, after Christ knows how many years, enjoy a Turkey Bacon Guacamole sub once more. In addition, I got a bag of Miss Vickie's Sweet Chili & Sour Cream chips and, well since I’m treating myself, may as well go with a traditional root beer.

Not wanting to get into too much trouble with the border police, I’m forced to hide my bounty as I make my way to the Queen Elizabeth Way, which is only a stone's throw away from the Quiznos.

It took me a while to get back to America and then, even longer than that thanks to the log jam of people trying to get back in the country as well. Ultimately, I was ferried into a new line and pretty soon, I was on my way home.

It's probably not healthy (and since when do I do things that are?), but I couldn’t help but hold on to memories of this weekend and revel in the successes, linger on the failures and wonder if next year, I’d have the courage to chat up a celebrity or hit on that cute girl dressed like Wednesday Addams or cowgirl Barbie or Nadja from "What We Do in the Shadows"? The choice is yours.