Waste of Buffalo?

(The title was taken from a reddit post about the Taste. I'm a long way from feeling like this, myself...or am I?)

Another second weekend in July has come and gone this year. I think I finally managed to figure something out. The Taste of Buffalo was made just for me. That used to mean samples of delicious meals from all over this great county and state of ours. However, what I’ve come to figure out is that it was made for me, but not in a complementary way. Between wandering around in the hot, hot sun with sweat pouring in my eyes and me trying to figure out the best way to get all I want at the cost of quite a bit of money to me looking so, so unhealthy as I wander around through crowds of complete strangers, doing my best to cut up food with cheap-ass silverware so I don’t choke on something and die, I realize that the Taste of Buffalo was made for me…to be absolutely humiliated.

The usual battery of planning went into the weeks leading up to it: saving money, waiting desperately several times a day for the menu to be posted. It finally was and - much to my shock - some items were made available for 12 tickets. 12 tickets? Must be some good grub this year.

I blindly made my list and found that it topped out at roughly 130 tickets to spend. Clearly, some changes had to be made. I determined to limit my pursuits to menu items that were less common the year round, so goodbye, Famous Potato Salad from Avenue 29! Adios, Potato and Cheddar Pierogi from Babcia's! Hit the road, Egg Roll from Anchi a la Carte!

Of course, this still left a menu that would cost 100 tickets...and that's without drinks. The price of eating your feelings. It's seldom cheap.

As ever, I park my car in the reliable space of across from a church a few blocks away from Delaware. The walking tricks me into thinking I'm counteracting the massive eating I'm gonna do. I get to the Taste and hand over $60 cash for ten sheets of tickets.

The first item I tried this year, mainly because La casa de sabores’s booth was closest, was the Arroz con gandules (that’s Spanish rice with peas to you).

As you can see, they filled the cup to the brim, thereby guaranteeing that a good portion of the dish will end up on the ground (spoiler warning: it did). This should’ve been an omen for the remainder of the day.
 
Hopefully, I would have a better experience with the Greek Chicken Pierogi from Babcia's Pierogi. I do. The dish is tasty with nicely balanced ingredients.

 

The problem arises in cutting the goddamn thing. They gave me a fork but not a knife, forcing me to tear at it with my teeth like a rabid dog with a steak. Common fucking courtesy, where art thou?

I'm still not sure how it happened or why, but despite being fairly underwhelmed by the dish last year, my legs wandered over to Avenue29 Foods' booth for Taco Nachos. There were jalapenos and peppers carelessly dripped onto the food I might have actually wanted to eat, but without even the courtesy of a fork to pick the offending toppings off. On top of that, the girl that served them to me was weirdly dismissive. I know where I'm never eating in this one-horse town.

I returned to Steaksters for their Steak and Cheese Log, but the blue cheese was gone, replaced with oil.

Needless to say, the oil saw the inside of a garbage container, but the log was as delightful as ever.

I mull over the Beef on Weck Barrel Roll from Barrel Factory Kitchen, but then I see it's basically a beef on weck reconfigured into an egg roll. In theory, it might be fun, but pair the saltiness of the sandwich with the greasiness of an egg roll and that's a big bag of no, thank you!

I've dined at Pierogi Pete's quite a bit over the last year, so naturally, I was ecstatic that they'd be taking their act on the road. The Loaded Tots (or Irish Nachos) were quite engaging, but then, I'm just a whore for Tater Tots.

The Loaded Pierogi Bowl was also an option, until I saw that they were topped with...banana peppers?! How dare you!

My meal plan originally contained the Breakfast Egg Roll from Resurgence Brewing Company, but that was cast out for the same reason as the Impossible Burger from Avenue29: "Yo, goober! Where's the meat?". Very disappointing.

However, next door to this den of deceit was Pizza Amore, which offered a slice of Chicken and Waffle Pizza. Hmmm. Never had that before. Worth a shot, right?

Well...the slice was good, but not as mind blowing as the concept led me to believe. The taste of maple syrup made for a nice culinary left turn, but overall, not something I'd recommend.

One of the local sponsors, Tops Markets, has their own tent, mainly offering people a chance at gift cards of varying amounts by spinning a wheel. However, the line is stupid long, but I figure, ‘where else do I have to be’? The heat begins to intensify. I get closer to the entrance. Ahead of me are two brothers (?) who start to haggle over how many spins they get as they only brought so much money. Meanwhile, I’m thinking, “It’s too fucking hot for this!”.

Finally, it's my turn. I give them three dollars, one per spin. I win a chance at a $100 gift card...as well as a tote bag and plastic pan scraper.

If that wasn't humiliating enough, the football toss booth from last year is set up again and - once more - I beef it. Maybe, if there weren't people sitting in the game area that I could potentially hit with the ball, I'd have had a chance. Why are old people?

After this, I need a good sit down and a soda, not in that order. A few minutes of decompression are just what I need before I resume my jaunt.

Of course, my mom is going to want something and so, I fall back on what I got her last year: Cajun Honey BBQ Wings from Just Pizza. I slip them in my bag before continuing (and I can only figure that she likes them; I haven’t heard any complaints yet).

I was hoping to save the Banana Pudding from Golden Hour Treats for last, but the exact reasoning why has already evaporated from my memory.

There was also a Banana Bread Pudding from BW's Barbecue that I intended to try, but their decision to put a caramel topping on it put paid to that plan.

My naughty little sweet tooth led me to grab a Reese's Cupcake from Not Just Cakes for potential dessert within the next few days...or tomorrow. It's around this time that I notice people carrying their meals in trays. I inquire a few people as to where I can get one, but my invisibility must've been acting up again, because no one wanted to give me an answer.

You'd think that this would be it for the day, but there's one item I trick myself into thinking I need to try: the Cheeto Shrimp Burrito from Lime House Sushi and Ramen. I move as best I can back to my car, drowning in sweat but thankful to be on my way home.

I have the burrito in intermittent bites. Maybe, sushi isn't my thing but the initially promising mixture of ingredients doesn't quite hit the spot. Not the worst item I've had at one of these things, but hardly worth the 12 tickets it bled out of me.

The following day, I might've been happy to stay home away from the trials and tribulations of simply enjoying a good meal, but there was a monstrous relative staying with us that weekend that I needed to be as far away from as humanly possible to preserve my sanity, so off I went.

Desperate for an item that would get rid of all of my tickets, I chose the 6-ticket Alu Tikki from New Jewel of India and, really, I need to stop eating here. All those toppings on potato patties and no flavor. No spice. They could've sold me a napkin and it probably would've been more appetizing.

One of the items I'd neglected yesterday - mainly because 12 tickets is too damn much - was within my grasp today. Emboldened by a fresh round of tickets, I trudge toward the Anchi a la Carte booth for Pork and Shrimp Bao Bun. The sweet sauce on top is an extra incentive to splurge. At this point, I am gaspingly desperate for one of those trays that I see people carrying around. I ask a few people, but they don't answer me or outright ignore me. 'City of Good Neighbors', my taint! Finally, someone points me in the direction of the First Student booth providing trays to relieve my suffering. It costs nothing to be a decent person and yet, some people (read: most people) will go out of their way to be assholes. (P.S. I had the bun for dinner that night and it was edible enough, but wow, was it ever underwhelming. What I saw inside the bun was not recognizable as pork or shrimp, making me wonder what kind of evil hypnotic spell was cast to get people to pay 12 tickets for it.)

One last item before I run away, tail between my legs. The Oatmeal Chocolate Chip Cookie from Fat Lady's Cakes and Pies (another 12 tickets down the tubes). It wasn't listed on the outside of the truck like the other items, so I assumed the worst, but it was just kept out of view. It felt a little hard when I grabbed onto it, but I guess some time in the sun (and time in a baggie) managed to be a good thing because it was soft by the time I ate it the next day.

The time in the sun was good for the cookie, but bad for me. Despite being outside for less time than I was yesterday, I was drenched in what felt like the exact same amount of sweat as yesterday.

Going forward, I think it would behoove me to set a limit on how much I spend on food if I deign to go back to the Taste. Save my bank account, save my weight, save my sanity.

Well, at least there’s the Erie County Fair next month. Between how some of the people are dressed and some of the stands selling ‘Let’s Go, Brandon’ merchandise, they humiliate themselves way worse than I could ever be humiliated, so there’s some solace in that.

The next flight leaves tomorrow morning.

Well, another year, another Con I dream about going to. Eh. Let's get on with it. (A lot of conflicts this year. The panels I would be going to are in bold.)

Thursday

Meet Michael Hirsh | Room 9 | 10:00a - A conversation with the co-founder of Canada's Nelvana animation. Who wouldn't want to hear his story?

The History of Peanuts in Animation | Room 5AB | 10:00a | From prime time specials to theatrical movies to a Saturday morning series, the gang has been all over. Be nice to take a look back.

So You Want to Start a Podcast | Neil Morgan Auditorium, San Diego Central Library | 11:00a | I do! I totally do! I just hope it’s not too expensive.

10th Annual Musical Anatomy of a Superhero Along with Heroes | Indigo Ballroom, Hilton San Diego Bayfront | 11:15a - Another panel of film composers, only a small percentage of whom I'm interested in. Still, who else caters to film music at these things?

Marketing Movies and Writing Cartoons | Room 29CD | 11:30a - Apparently, Craig Miller made the jump from marketing big genre movies to writing for animation. Surely, someone like that has tales to tell.

Science of Futurama | Grand 10 & 11, Marriott Marquis, San Diego Marina | 12:00p | How possible is it to see the 31st century innovations before that time? Who knows? Just get me a brain switcher and I'll be fine.

Weird Al-Gorithm Podcast Celebrate Al's TV Album | Neil Morgan Auditorium, San Diego Central Library | 12:00p | So, this is how I find out there's a Weird Al podcast. They'll be looking at the best songs he wrote about television.

Malcolm and Friends | Room 6A | 12:30p | Malcolm Barrett…of “Timeless” hangs out with some famous friends discussing nerd culture. Man, it’d be cool to have my own panel…or famous friends…or friends.

Spotlight on Patrick McDonnell: The 30th Anniversary of Mutts, Freeing Guard Dog, Marvel Superheroes and the Dalai Lama | Room 5AB | 1:00p - You had me at '30th Anniversary of Mutts', though I'm sure those other aspects are interesting, too.

Worst Mistake I Ever Made | Grand 12 & 13, Marriott Marquis, San Diego Marina | 1:00p | God willing, the errors we make in the course of seeking success can end up leading to our greatest moments. I’m still waiting.

Unveiling the VFX Magic: 20th Century Studios' Kingdom of the Planet of the Apes | Room 6A | 1:45p | A Visual Effects Oscar is pretty much assured, at this point. I would love to see how the magic was made.

1984: Greatest Geek Year Too: Big Brother Was Watching You! | Room 5AB | 3:00p - I will never not be fascinated by this panel, even if the hosts did slag off Arthur B. Rubinstein's scores for Blue Thunder and WarGames on an episode of their podcast. Seriously, fuck them for that.

The Groundlings Celebrate 50 Years of Laughs | Indigo Ballroom, Hilton San Diego Bayfront | 3:00p | Somehow, I think that I’ll be surprised by some of the people who were a part of this.

What We Do in the Shadows' Farewell Kick-Off Tour | Hall H | 3:30p - The forthcoming sixth season will be the show's last, sadly. Much as I can't fathom sitting through a bunch of crap just to get to this, I would love to see this panel.

What to Know When Selling an Animated Show | Room 10 | 3:30p | I had an idea for an original show, but then, one of the people I wanted for a lead role passed away. Some years after that, I came up with a reboot for a 2000s series that could’ve been done better. Maybe, I can find a way through this.

Fleischer Cartoons: Restoring Betty Boop! | Room 28DE | 7:00p | Just what it says on the tin: the restoration of the Betty Boop cartoons, even (I presume) those weird early ones where she was a dog, for some reason.

The Art of Movie Posters | Room 26AB | 7:30p | I feel like what used to be a constant in film is now done as a cute throwback and that needs to change.

The GCATs: Aptitude Test! | Room 23ABC | 8:00p - The first of the night’s three quiz games, this one is structured like an old exam from school, which I suppose could be fun?

Trivia for Chocolate | Room 32AB | 8:00p - The second of the night’s quiz games, where each right answer is rewarded with a piece of chocolate and whoever has the most at the end can trade it for a big piece of chocolate.

The 27th Annual San Diego Comic-Con Superhero Kung Fu Extravaganza | Room 6A | 8:00p - As with trailers, put a montage of fight scenes in front of me and I’m happy…well I guess I would be. I’ve never really seen one of these.

Ranking Time Travel Movies According to Their Scientific Accuracy | Room 29CD | 8:30p - As someone who fixates endlessly on their mistakes and wishes they could go back and do them over, of course I’m fascinated by time travel stories. Maybe, they’re not all accurate, but isn’t that what makes them more fun?

Ghostface's Killer Trivia | Room 25ABC | 9:00p - The third of the night’s quiz games (seriously, space these out better next year, yeah?) sees the voice of Ghostface asking horror questions, presumably with less slashing in the event of wrong answers.

Friday

That 70s Panel | Room 10 | 10:30a | Comic books were changing in the 1970s, and thankfully, a lot of the people that experienced this first hand are still around.

The Pitching Hour | Room 32AB | 12:00p | Maybe, just maybe, a panel like this can give me the courage to succeed at pitching.

MeTV Toons: The New Destination for Your Favorite Classic Cartoons | Room 6A | 1:00p | An awesome TV network that brings together cartoons from my childhood and even earlier than that, so, of course it’s not in any local cable package. Even so, there are streaming services apparently, and it would be nice to hear about this channel.

The Blerd Panel | Grand 12 & 13, Marriott Marquis, San Diego Marina | 3:00p | I’ll probably be on this panel some day, so I may as well get a feel for it.

Defiant: The Robert Smalls Story | Room 6A | 3:30p | As a movie or as a graphic novel, this is a story that absolutely needs to be released to the public.

Bob's Burgers | Indigo Ballroom, Hilton San Diego Bayfront | 4:00p | I just hope that the show isn’t running out of gas.

Collider's Directors on Directing | Hall H | 4:00p | A lot of crap I’d have to sit through to get to this panel, but somehow, I think it’d be worth it to have the directors of 2013’s ‘Die Hard in the White House’ action movies facing off.

You're Wrong, Leonard Maltin | Room 23ABC | 4:00p | To engage him on a movie I loved that he and his writers hated…I would enjoy at least one opportunity for that.

Mobile Filmmaking: How to Make a Movie Using a Smartphone | Grand 6, Marriott Marquis, San Diego Marina | 4:15p | Seriously, how the fuck do I do this?

Trailer Park | Ballroom 20 | 4:30p | Weird how people complain about trailers giving away the whole movie, yet nobody wants to step forward to demand that trailers be edited in a less spoilery manner. I just don’t get people.

Pitching Film and Television | Grand 6, Marriott Marquis, San Diego Marina | 6:45p | Apparently, pitching is a vital skill for a writer to have, thereby decreasing my chances of making it in the business…

J. Michael Straczynski Workshop | Room 11 | 7:00p | …but maybe, with this guy’s tips in my back pocket, things won’t be so hopeless.

From Candyman to The Blackening | Room 10 | 7:30p | The focus here is on Black horror; not so much horror with Black people in it, but horror themed around the Black experience. Not sure if I could do it, but it’s worth a shot.

Black Heroes Matter | Room 29AB | 8:00p | Black heroes in pop culture, past, present and future. I’d sure like to do my part.

Villains: Shedding Light on the Darkness | Room 9 | 8:00p | Adding depth to your villain or just depicting them as monsters. That is the question.

Saturday

Inside the Writers' Room All-Stars: The Channels They Are A-Changin' | Room 24ABC | 10:00a | Writers and showrunners get together and talk about the television industry in the post-strike era. A lot of venom in store, no doubt.

Becoming Betty Boop: The Evolution of an Animation Icon | Room 29CD | 10:30a | A look at her history, popularity and impact on pop culture. Neat.

Futurama | Ballroom 20 | 11:00a | The cockroach of animated programs; you think you kill it and it just pops up someplace else. I haven’t even watched the first Hulu season yet. Maybe, I should get up on that.

American Splendor: Celebrating Harvey Pekar at 85 | Room 29AB | 11:00a | I enjoyed the movie and read some of the comics though given how deeply I related to the former you’d think I’d have read more of the latter.

Everybody Still Hates Chris | Indigo Ballroom, Hilton San Diego Bayfront | 11:15a | Apparently, there’s an animated reboot in the works. One can only imagine how much further they can push things in this new medium.

What is the Best Superpower? | Room 25ABC | 12:00p | How many times do I have to tell you people? Shapeshifting! Nobody listens to me.

Spotlight on J. Michael Straczynski | Room 7AB | 1:00p | Once more into the breach in the career of the film and television veteran.

Cartoon Voices I | Room 6BCF | 1:00p | It’s always a fun time hearing voice artists good their way through some kind of script.

Bear McCreary: Musical World Building | Room 6DE | 3:00p | I’m not gonna lie: my fascination with his work is waning, mainly due to ‘his’ score for We Have a Ghost that - with its disparate thematic elements - made no attempt to disguise the fact that he’d farmed it out to eight different people. Still, accounting for a vacation in the immediate future, he may regain the eye of the tiger, yet.

DreamWorks Animation's The Wild Robot | Room 6BCF | 4:00p | It’s gonna take a lot for another robot-themed animated feature to impress me following the marvelous Robot Dreams, but I’m sure I’ll appreciate the effort.

Hanna-Barbera: The Recorded History | Room 7AB | 4:30p | Not every one of their shows hit the mark, but the longevity of the company cannot be denied.

Black Superheroes, Black Power Fantasies, Double Consciousness, Oh My! | Room 29AB | 6:00p | Given the description at the website, the panel isn’t as sensational as the title: “This panel looks at the origins and development of Black superheroes and Black power fantasies in contrast to their White counterparts while asking: Who is telling these tales, to what end, and for whom?”

A Panel With Kevin Smith | Hall H | 7:30p | Despite the potentially winning The 4:30 Movie (no relation to the podcast, I presume), it seems that Smith is at his best when he just chatting, so this could be fun.

Sunday

Cartoon Voices II | Room 6A | 11:45a | Like I said about yesterday…

Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About Dwayne McDuffie But Were Afraid to Ask | Room 28DE | 12:00p | One can only wonder if “Ben 10: Omniverse” would’ve turned out good had he lived, but perhaps it matters more to focus on what he produced in his lifetime.

Jellystone Screening and Panel | Room 6DE | 1:45p | I found this show odd but enjoyable. Nice to know there’s more of it coming.

The Character of Music: The Art of Scoring for Animation | Room 6BCF | 2:15p | More composers I’ve never heard of. (Yeah. Real ‘some nobodies!’ energy, here.) Hell, they might have interesting stories.

The Business of Cartoon Voices | Room 7AB | 3:00p | I have always wanted to voice a cartoon character, not as a career, but for fun, though it would be nice to have knowledge of the ins and outs of the business.

Well...here's hoping I get my chance, one day.

In spite of last month's imbroglio and some further nonsense earlier in the week, I finally managed to see Robot Dreams yesterday evening. Don’t really have the time or the wherewithal to expand on this, but it really feels like an animated movie I could’ve made if I had any aptitude for drawing. My ranking of the year’s Oscar nominees:

Spider-Verse > Robot Dreams > Elemental > The Boy and the Heron > Nimona