"Okay, I hate you. Buh-bye."

According to online scuttlebutt, the third season of Hulu's "Animaniacs" is to be its last. It's sad, so why is it that I feel like laughing?

I’ve seen a number of clips from fake "Animaniacs", but given that I have yet to watch a full episode of the new show, I am the least qualified to speak to the show’s overall quality. However, as someone who grew up on (and, arguably, had his sense of humor partially shaped by) the Fox Kids original, I still feel that I can offer a few opinions on why this reboot pales next to the original.

a) The humor in the original show was quite clever. Practically every color of the comedy rainbow could be found there: word play, sight gags, double entendres, repurposed vaudeville bits... Now, I'm referring exclusively to the Fox Kids era. As the show moved to the then-fledgling Kids' WB and the writers who built this comic monolith moved on to other interests, the humor became rather...punch-downy. Dot's encounter with Joel Schumacher in "Hooray for North Hollywood" made me embarrassed for everyone working on the show and if I never hear another pot shot at "Bonkers", it'll be too soon. I wasn't crazy to check out margarine "Animaniacs", run as it was by a writer who made his bones on "Punch-Down Humor: the Series". (And the references to the then-current President date the show even worse than the original.)

b) One of the very best things about the original show was the wide variety of characters that could pop up in any given episode. Unless you had a TV Guide subscription, you had no way of knowing which members of the supporting cast would get their own cartoon. While some recurring segments worked better than others (a good example of the latter being the one I misquoted in the title), it was quite bracing; this show got better use out of its supporting players than most other cartoon shows, including WBA's previous "Tiny Toon Adventures" (more on that in a bit). The Hulu version features the Warner Brothers (and their sister, Dot) and Pinky and the Brain...and that's it. It was promised that the old supporting cast would appear in later episodes if the first season was a success. Never mind the fact that there were two more seasons. This smacks of big 'you-know-who only giving COVID relief to states that voted for him' energy. And, just from their descriptions, the new-to-the-reboot characters add nothing, but you knew that.

c) Okay, I’ll concede that this point is much pettier and less concrete than the others, but Tress MacNeille sounds too old to be voicing Dot. I wouldn’t dream of re-casting, but it was kind of distracting. Then again, I had that same issue with Brad Dourif in the initial episodes of “Chucky” and I eventually got over it.

Compounding this is an incident I ran across a few weeks ago where someone on Twitter posted a clip from the reboot and Tom Ruegger himself posted that he wasn't impressed by it. The responses? Toxic, cruel, dismissive. After all, he's only the creator of the original series, without which this unreasonable facsimile wouldn't even exist. Why should people listen to him?!

I suppose this Sweet and Low "Animaniacs" was fairly successful because now they’re talking about a "Tiny Toon Adventures" reboot. Much like this one, I’m not gonna be watching, and this is coming from a die-hard TTA fan from back in the day. The reason for this is not the deletion of Elmyra*. I mean, sure she was annoying (and would her schtick even track today?), but she did have moments where she was kind of funny. No, the big stumble at the starting line comes with... well, you remember the bit from the show, right? "I'm Buster Bunny." "And I'm Babs Bunny." "No relation." One of the most enduring jokes the original show ever did. Well, in this reboot, Buster and Babs are going to be related. I'm so mad at that, I don't even know how to respond.

P.S. I shudder to think what these clowns (assuming they are retained) will end up doing to "Freakazoid" if the fancy strikes them (or if "Tiny Toons"...make that, retroactive incest!"Tiny Toons" ends up being a success).

* - Also, how's the theme song gonna play without her...or are these yokels gonna get rid of that, too? Seriously, why do people complicate what should be simple tasks?

"Very loose butthole."

Apparently, there was a whiteboard in the writers' room for Comedy Central's "Workaholics" loaded with cliched comic lines that the writers were to avoid when writing the show. 

Posted on Twitter a few years back, someone took the time to transcribe the many expressions on that board. 

And the sad thing is that this is likely just a partial list of the eye-rolling audience goosers out there.

“Transform and book a new orchestra.”

Moving away from the ‘ugh!’ era of Transformers movies, the trailer for Transformers: Rise of the Beasts dropped yesterday. Much like the underrated Bumblebee, this one looks quite promising. The big question: who has director Steven Caple, Jr. hired to score the film? Jongnic Bontemps.

Short response: Gesundheit.

Long response: The two of them collaborated on Caple's first movie and Bontemps even provided additional music for Caple's Creed II. As I mentioned long ago, I've taken a Norma Desmond approach to the many unfamiliar names scoring movies today; 'They took the idols and smashed them: the Broughtons, the Eidelmans, the McKenzies, and who we got now? Some nobodies!'. 

Granted, I know (and will no doubt be reminded in the future) that there's no enjoying soundtracks if you aren't willing to take a chance on an unfamiliar talent, every now and then...but then I'm reminded of last year's Snake Eyes: G.I. Joe Origins, whose work by Martin Todsharow (collaborator of the film's director Robert Schwentke on his non-Hollywood movies) is one of the most depressingly bad music scores I've heard in over 30 years of admiring film scores. (That this got a 2-disc physical release from La La Land is a rage-inducing bit of nonsense all its own and I'm not looking to stroke out over something like this.)

I want to keep an open mind, but too many composers nowadays are only able to string enough notes together to create a recurring theme. They don’t have the first clue about long-lined melodies or counterpoint or sub-themes or variations or developing their themes based on the turns of the story.

Film music should make people feel good. I’m not getting that from unproven talent.