I can't say how much of a curse it is to be conscious; to consider the consequences of actions instead of drifting through life and letting others clean up the messes one makes.

Best breakfast ever?

Maybe not ever, but the Loaded Minion Taters I enjoyed at IHOP today is definitely in the top three.

The thing that sucks about it is that it's a tie-in meal with Despicable Me, meaning that, after the heat of the movie dies down, the breakfast will likely be gone. Hopefully, it will stay on the menu; if not indefinitely, then certainly for the next few weeks.

Then again, the Rodeo Burger is still on the Burger King menu 12 years after the release of its tie-in film, Small Soldiers. I'd like to think that the film still holds a place in the hearts of people, but I know it's because the Rodeo Burger is stupidly easy to make: onion rings and barbeque sauce on a Whopper. Not exactly rocket science.

"Not to be confused with Malcolm Hexed."

Given the unanimously negative reviews I've been reading, I feel like I have to see Jonah Hex, just to see how bad it could possibly be. I've a feeling that it's much ado about little. Then again, this is the opinion of a guy who feels that there's half of a really good movie in Wild Wild West (which this has been compared to; President Grant figures into the plot of both films, making him one of the more unlucky former Commanders-in-Chief, I must say). Ultimately, it can't be as bad as the worst movies I've ever seen.

Still, I have to know: in the banners for the film, why the hell is John Malkovich holding a Dragonball? Tell me one's curiosity isn't piqued at that.

P.S. Incidentally, I'm watching (or, at least, have on in the background) The Master of Disguise, another movie that got gutted to a slapdash 80-minute running time.

P.P.S. BTW, does anyone else remember the subject line from the previews of the 1993 comedy Hexed? Never seen it, but it sure looked not-terrible.

P.P.P.S. Apparently, one of the film's producers is Joey 'How you doin'?' Tribbiani himself, Matt LeBlanc. Those "Friends" residual checks must be pretty hefty for him to waste money in this manner.

Burning rubber and nearly getting lost...picking up new comics...having a blast at The A-Team...eating like a king at Red Robin...call me crazy, but it was somewhat worth suffering through the three long days of retarded customers, back-biting supervisors and bodily aching to get to today.

Due to some weird glitch with my browsing history, the only days to register the pages I visit are Sunday and Monday. As such, I have a complicated yet simple plan to retain the YouTube pages I visited weeks ago. Hope it works.

My MTV Movie Awards ballot.

The actual show is tonight, so...

best on-screen duo:
Mark Ruffalo and Adrien Brody, The Brothers Bloom
John Travolta and Jonathan Rhys-Meyers, From Paris With Love
Julia Roberts and Clive Owen, Duplicity
Robert Downey Jr. and Jude Law, Sherlock Holmes
Jesse Eisenberg and Woody Harrelson, Zombieland

best action sequence:
delivering the cure, Daybreakers
the Eiffel Tower chase, G.I. Joe: the Rise of Cobra
the movie theater attack, Inglourious Basterds
Raizo's return, Ninja Assassin
saving Vulcan, Star Trek

best comedic performance:
Ben Affleck, Extract
Zach Galifianakis, The Hangover
Ricky Gervais, The Invention of Lying
Woody Harrelson, Zombieland
Martin Starr, Adventureland

best villain:
Hank Azaria, Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian
Keith David, The Princess and the Frog
Michael C. Hall, Gamer
Mark Strong, Sherlock Holmes
Christoph Waltz, Inglourious Basterds

best breakthrough performance - male:
Demetri Martin, Taking Woodstock
Chris Massoglia, Cirque du Freak: the Vampire's Assistant
Max Records, Where the Wild Things Are
Christoph Waltz, Inglourious Basterds
Damon Wayans, Jr., Dance Flick

best breakthrough performance - female:
Shoshana Bush, Dance Flick
Melanie Laurent, Inglourious Basterds
Leah Pipes, Sorority Row
Kiele Sanchez, A Perfect Getaway
Jolie Vanier, Shorts

best female performance:
Amy Adams, Julie & Julia
Sandra Bullock, The Blind Side
Rachel McAdams, Sherlock Holmes
Ellen Page, Whip It
Meryl Streep, Julie & Julia

best male performance:
Matt Damon, The Informant!
Johnny Depp, Public Enemies
Robert Downey Jr., Sherlock Holmes
Emile Hirsch, Taking Woodstock
John C. Reilly, Cirque du Freak: the Vampire's Assistant

best fight:
Rain vs. Sho Kosugi, Ninja Assassin
Zac Efron vs. Thomas Lennon, 17 Again
Robert Downey Jr. vs. Mark Strong, Sherlock Holmes
Chris Pine and John Cho vs. Romulans, Star Trek
Hugh Jackman and Liev Schreiber vs. Deadpool, X-Men Origins: Wolverine

best kiss:
John Krasinski and Maya Rudolph, Away We Go
Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Zooey Deschanel, (500) Days of Summer
Matthew McConaughey and Jennifer Garner, Ghosts of Girlfriends Past
Amy Adams and Matthew Goode, Leap Year
Zachary Quinto and Zoe Saldana, Star Trek

best movie:
Fantastic Mr. Fox
Inglourious Basterds
Sherlock Holmes
Star Trek
Up

Honestly, there weren't enough nominees for the 'best dance sequence' category, so let's just say it went to day 34 from (500) Days of Summer.

(6/19/10) Shamefully, since I posted this, I remembered that delightful dance scene that concluded Fantastic Mr. Fox. Let's just call it a tie.

Animal House (Elmer Bernstein)

In another attempt to stave off boredom at the blog, I'm introducing a new feature.

As you may or may not care, I love film music. Sadly, not every score I like is available. That's where this new feature comes in. For a time in the early part of the last decade, I took track listings of some of my favorite scores. I saved a bunch of them and, whenever things look dead around here, I'll be posting them.

Today's score started a new chapter in the career of Elmer Bernstein: that of comedy composer. His straight-faced score for National Lampoon's Animal House, earmarked by a terrific, stately main theme, is a delight. Since the film is a Universal release, who knows? We might just be seeing it someday.

National Lampoon's Animal House
composed & conducted
by
Elmer Bernstein

1. Main Titles (Faber College) 2:29
2. Boon and Katy 0:44
3. Dean Wormer 0:22
4. "That foot...is me." 0:18
5. "May I have another?" 0:42
6. Horseback Riding 0:47
7. And Away He Goes 0:11
8. Getting Even 2:32
9. Peeping Bluto 0:59
10. The Exam 1:57
11. Wormer's Threat 0:25
12. The Food King 2:45
13. One Night Stand 0:51
14. Road Trip! 1:28
15. Otter Gets Jumped 0:15
16. "You look grotesque." 0:21
17. "A futile and stupid gesture." 2:42
18. The Parade 0:35
19. "Let's go." 0:29
20. "No prisoners!" 8:04

Granted the score seems a little short (barely a half-hour), but I'm sure that some enterprising label can find another (short) score to pair it with.

From TBS' "...and the City" to film's "Sex and the..."

I don't really give a feather or a fig about Sex and the City 2, but this review (tipped off to me in a Den of Geek talkback, of all places) is too good not to share.

Lindy West may well be one of my new favorite reviewers: "Burkas and Birkins.