"Just because two people are the same race doesn't mean they belong together." - Kyle Broflovski

I'm rewatching last night's "South Park" and as an African-American who likes white girls, let me just say that any guy (or girl) who tries to Cartmanize my love life is gonna have to pick up their loose teeth with bloody stumps.

Happy birthday to me, I guess.

Oh, and to the retarded rhesus monkey who fucked with Blogger's post-creating design: put it back the way it was or feel my wrath.

Edit: Never mind. I got it back. But that's still moronic.

'R.I.P. Dick Clark. From the Bandstand to the Pyramid, from Bloopers to New Year's. America's oldest teenager will live forever.' That was the tweet I left yesterday (yes, I'm on Twitter now). A regular feature at Buzzfeed is a collection of tweets where people ask 'who is dick clark'. This following in the footsteps of 'who is paul mccartney' (following the Grammys, for fuck's sake!) and 'who is billy crystal' (following the Oscars).

I'm no master of the internet (yet) but you'd think that Google was still functional. Maybe, these people are foreigners who have genuinely not heard of these people, but I think it's way more likely that these tweets come from people who spend their days counting the seconds until the next Transformers movie (like Battleship) and their nights getting caught up with "Jersey Shore" and "Toddlers and Tiaras".

It's just a hop, skip and a jump to 'who is debbie reynolds' or 'who tf is ernest borgnine'...and then, I'll have to give serious consideration to killing people.

Lost in the stacks. (Crush)

I love comic books. I've been collecting for roughly the last decade. However, I'm not drawn toward traditional titles. Somehow, I gravitate toward limited run titles. These comics, more often than not, fall through the cracks and are forgotten, lost to time. This column aims to shine a light on these titles and, hopefully, make them some new fans...or draw out the old ones.



As a school outcast with boozy, boorish trailer park parents, Liz isn't exactly living a charmed life. That changes when, on her 18th birthday, she casts a spell to take revenge. Funny thing is that it may have unleashed a creature that was always under the surface.

I think that, more than any comic I've reviewed so far or will review (save one or two exceptions), "Crush" is dark. Not depressing, mind you, but dark. Whether through maulings, explosions or shootings, several characters end up dead. As dark as the comic is, one can't help but be drawn into the story. The mystery angle that emerges is incredibly fascinating, enlivened by striking artwork.

This isn't to say that the darkness precludes a sense of humor. In particular, there's a gag at the end of issue three that...well, Liz turns into the creature (named Crush, BTW) whenever she bleeds and given that she's a teenaged girl...I'll let you fill in those blanks.

And then there's Liz's friend, Jen. As with last month's "Bad Girls", one should never underestimate the power of a wise-cracking BFF, and Jen fills that role with aplomb. Whether standing up to Crush ("She's not a mindless monster. She's just a bitch.") or dealing with a gang of mutated wolf boys (the one aspect of the comic that falls flat, in my view), she's an absolute stitch.

The characters (though not the most fleshed-out) are quite flavorful, from the teenagers at the school and Mr. Cooter, the conspiracy nut next door, to Carl (Jen's brother and Liz's crush) and Liz's parents. Her mother is given an unexpectedly touching moment in issue three when Liz confronts her about a picture she finds.

But what about the other creatures like Crush? What of Liz's real mother? Who is the Man in the Iron Mask and what kind of strings is he pulling? These and other scintillating questions...will not be answered. The series stopped after four issues. Whether this was the decision of creators Jason Hall and Sean Murphy or whether this was forced on them, I can't help but feel...unsatisfied at this. Imagine watching a movie that you're really into, but then the film breaks halfway through and the rest has been chewed up in the projector.

Still, for what is here, "Crush" is well worth seeking out.

Grade: (as part of a larger story) C; (in terms of these four issues) A-

Availability: The whole set is available at Mile High Comics.

Going to the movies today. Wanderlust is playing at the second-run theater.

One thing I hate about free time off of work is not having any movies to see. The only movie I've seen in the last three weeks (not counting today) is Mirror Mirror. While it was decent, it alone can't sate my movie-going lust...and call me a snob if you like, but just blindly spending disposable income on the likes of Wrath of the Titans, American Reunion and The Hunger Games (It doesn't look that interesting to me. Sorry.) doesn't strike me as appealing.

Thankfully, starting this Friday, there will be an insane surplus of movies that I'll be seeing this month: The Three Stooges (don't judge me), Lockout, The Raid: Redemption, The Pirates! Band of Misfits, Safe and The Raven. And with The Avengers on the 4th, this bodes to be a fun (and eventful) summer at the movies.

Big Trouble (James Newton Howard)

There's a nuclear bomb loose in Miami. Soon to be drawn into its orbit are (bear with me) a reporter turned adman, his surly son, a well-to-do couple, their snarky daughter and maid, a Fritos-craving homeless guy, a pair of cops, a pair of FBI agents, a pair of lowlifes and a pair of hitmen. Sounds convoluted, but trust me, it's not. Adapted from Dave Barry's novel, this is one of the most underrated comedies of recent memory, bursting with great lines and enacted by a fantastic ensemble. What's more, it makes for an interesting companion piece to some of the films director Barry Sonnenfeld shot in the 80s (Raising Arizona, Throw Momma from the Train).

Eschewing the orchestral writing for which he is best known, James Newton Howard provides a lush assortments of styles, from a tropical-sounding love theme to scoring for big band and Hammond organ.

1. "My name is Puggy..." 1.09
2. Eliot's Deeber Fever 1.25
3. The Stupid Geo/"Second Chance" 0.56
4. Henry and Leonard/Puggy Arrives 1.29
5. Bar Fight O.40
6. Moving the Bomb/Puggy Sees Nina 1.29
7. Foot Fetish/Roger and the Toad 1.50
8. Men with Guns 1.04
9. Chaos at the Herk's 1.05
10. Miami's Finest 0.19
11. Where's Nina? 0.57
12. "...another shooter" 0.27
13. Eliot and Anna 1.00
14. Lunch is Served 0.38
15. Arthur the Target 0.26
16. To the Jolly Jackal 0.39
17. The Bomb 0.18
18. Insecurity/The Wormhole 1.30
19. The Stick-Up 1.08
20. "Edzackry" 0.08
21. Henry and Leonard Arrive 0.31
22. Home Invasion 0.58
23. "Die Hard situation" 1.29
24. The Escape 1.24
25. Taking the Shot 0.49
26. The Chase 2.44
27. To the Airport 0.35
28. Flight Schedule 0.27
29. Bag Check! 1.06
30. Free Parking 0.33
31. "Strip Search!" 0.43
32. Loading the Suitcase 0.48
33. "Your jurisdiction" 0.42
34. Take-off 0.18
35. "The plane is in the air." 4.05
36. Water Snake 0.37
37. Happy Landing 1.03
38. "...a new beginning" 0.27
39. End Credits 6.47

The film was released ten years ago today, and the score is high on my list of 'probably never going to be released, but I can still hope' film scores.

At work on Thursday, my drawer was over by $180. On Friday, it was short the same amount. The managers suspect foul play on my part, but I'm innocent and will maintain this stance no matter what happens. I spent the weekend waiting to hear back from a manager on whether I can return to work or whether I need to look for a new job.

I am very torn about this. On the one hand, I bitch about the job all the time and it would be something of a relief to be let go. On the other, I have so much riding on a steady paycheck that looking for a job would be something of a problem.

I returned to work today, well aware of how much is riding on my impeccability in terms of keeping myself together. For the moment, I'm glad to be employed.